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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I have a boyfriend of 4 years (i'm 22), but recently I met another guy, and we really hit it off. We would talk on the phone all night long, and recently I cheated on my boyfriend with him. I feel so low, believe me, I am not proud of what I did, but my feelings for this other guy are so strong, and he really likes me too.I know my boyfriend deserves better than me, but I can't bring myself to split up with him, or tell him what happened, as both would absolutely break his heart, he thinks there is nothing wrong and we still get on great as "best friends" - I'm just not sure whether I have those romantic feelings for him anymore - but I don't know how to tell him. I don't want to hurt him!At the same time, I am scared of seriously regretting throwing away what we have. We have been through so much together and are perfect together personality wise but I just don't feel satisfied with him as a lover anymore. The other thing is that they are totally different. The other guy has all the lovely qualities that my bf lacks (caring, gentle and understanding) but is less outgoing and fun, which makes us slightly less compatible. I have told the other guy that I can't see him again until I make a decision. Should I stick with the 'safe option' and work on rebuilding my relationship (or my own feelings) or just move on...as hard as it would be?
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female
reader, Deema  +, writes (3 June 2008):
 Hi honey. Think youknow your relationship is over and you're just finding it hard to say so. Its never easy to end a relationship but I have to tell you that one day you will wake up and know you can't doit any more and then you will do what you have to do. So whether you carry on now or leave won't matter. The day will come when you know exactly what to do. Thats what always happens. Just go with it till then, stop tearing yourself apart. In the meantime, don't hurt your boyfriend by messing around with another man. Either be honest and tell him, and that would end it for you anyway, or give him up till you've sorted things out. It will make it less confusing and far less messy if youdo. Good luck.
A
male
reader, PeterPan  +, writes (3 June 2008):
 Wow... the first thing that comes to mind is that the issues with your BF are real, in at least they are your perception -- you see yourself as not having the romantic notions you desire from him (which is probably what lead you to the other guy in the first place). Also, you're right that regret would be a terrible thing to carry around.
I guess that the first thought is to ask if your BF doesn't have the capacity to give you what you get from the other guy, or is it something that you can express and get him to give you more of? That's just something for you to ponder in all this (granted, like I said, part of this is your perception of your relationship with him, but the other half is his capacity to give you what you want and desire). Also it seems that you might be trying to generate reasons to leave your BF (he's not this or that) to satisfy the need to justify your decision for possibly leaving - be mindful that too.
In a way, this whole thing I've written here isn't advice as much as it's some things to consider while I stand outside your little circle of your events and possibilities and look in. I hope I didn't add fuel to the fire, but I did want to give you a little bit of what I could see from this angle. Unfortunately, I don't see a clear path to see what concrete advice to give you (for that, I'm sorry).
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A
female
reader, Jaded4Life +, writes (3 June 2008):
Honey, Honestly Your Taking a big Gamble!..The other guy sounds Nice and all! But the again "The Grass Isn't Always Greener on the other side" I Speak that From First Hand Experience! I Left My Love OF MY ENTIERE LIFE Just like You did! For someone who Had Qualities that he was lacking..But at the end 4 years later i have an 18 Month Old Baby, And even before my Baby I should of seen things alot Clearer But i didn't..I am MISERABLE i do have my family together, I don't regret My daughter not for one second, But i wish i would of never left..and if i did Because i was young i was 19 and there was so much my Ex held me back from since he was older he was basically giving me a chance to grow and i just Never came back. And i regret that with my life. I dont know if you want to take my advice but you should think about it! Every thing is Sweet and dandy at the begining.
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