A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Before anyone judges me please understand my reasons for what i have done.Ive been with my boyfriend for 4 years, and the past 6 months, i've been sleeping with his younger brother who is the same age as me, 21. A little over a year ago i found out my boyfriend who is 23, had slept with a number of his UNI friends in the first 18 months of our relationship. I only found this out when he was forced to tell me i needed to be checked for a STD. Which we were both tested positive for. I was so hurt we broke up, and got back together about 4 months later. During this time, me and his younger brother became really close and almost like best friends. And to make things more complicated, we slept together, just a one night stand, during the time i wasn't with my boyfriend.Since discovering his affairs things haven't been the same, but i didnt want to leave him because no matter what he did or i am doing, i still love him.I know he is still cheating on me, and who with, but i just can't seem to leave him. It started off to get my own back on him for all he did to me, but now its gone to far and i know ive used his brother to get my own back, but ended up just as bad, and feeling more guilty then ever. His brother wants me to move away with him to his UNI, at the moment its whenever he is home, we have serect meetings. I've started to believe i've fallen in love with him, and its driving me insane with the hurt and guilt.Its so stressful and i can't help but feel i shouldn't be with either of the brothers. Anyone with any advice, im a big girl, but as brutal as you need to be. Thanks.
View related questions:
affair, best friend, broke up, got back together, one night stand, std Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (8 March 2010):
To be honest, I agree with Frank. I think you should stop seeing both men and focus on your own life just for now. One guy has cheated and is still cheating, the other is betraying his own brother. Neither guy is suitable or worth your time anymore, and since you're unsure, it means neither man is right and you know it deep down.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (8 March 2010):
 Follow your heart. I would agree with you that you need to leave those two brothers. Get away from them to clear your thoughts.
You will see a clearer picture when you are away from them.Focus on your other priorities in life.
Good luck!
...............................
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (8 March 2010):
 You can't seem to think that getting back at someone for what they do, by replicating behavior will help to heal the hurt they caused. He's still cheating!!! Time to say goodbye to him.
You gave your reason, I understand it, now I'm going to reject it as being any excuse for you to cheat. You know the word "cheater", it's not who they are, it's what they do. It does not matter if your boyfriend cheats, making him a cheater, you doing the same labels you the same. If you're not a cheater, and don't see yourself as one, then don't lower your standards of who you are to take part in the act that receives that label.
You being with the bother who you now say you're in love with, stay with him as long as you're willing to accept consequences for your actions and want to be with him. Consequences meaning you're boyfriend will know who's been dipping his pen in your ink. There will be no way to get around that, and this may cause family conflicts between the brothers, and possibly other family members. All though these consequences exist, you shall not continue both relationships.
My ex wife had 7 affairs. I had 0, that's because cheating goes against the foundation of who I am. You gave reason why you did what you did. The fact is, you've been playing with the brother, therefore, where cheating is taking part in the sexual act you reasoning becomes irrelevant. If you aren't interested in being labeled a cheater, then cheating is something you need to stop doing. Now is the time to make that decision.
...............................
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (8 March 2010):
 I think you are in love with the drama of the situation more than you care about either of these two guys.
My advice is to stop seeing both men, and focus on your own education and future.
-Frank
...............................
A
male
reader, C. Grant +, writes (8 March 2010):
 You love him despite his sleeping around and giving you a STI? I'm sorry, but I don't understand that at all. Regardless of the brother, you seriously need to give your head a shake. What on earth does the word *love* mean to you? Is your self-esteem so low that you can put up with that?
Girl, a worthy relationship means that you don't put someone at risk. You deserve commitment, honesty and caring. None of which you've had. And you're still hanging in?? I strongly suggest counselling, because your actions scream that you are are not valuing yourself.
...............................
|
