A
female
age
36-40,
*carletsky27
writes:My husband wants me back but I have a new boyfriend, my husband was perfect, wirlwind romance, great career, funny, never argued, handsome, took my daughter on like his own then one day I discovered he has been on internet dating sites my world crashed down he denied everything at first until I contacted one of the girls and he came clean. He had been texting and using dating sites our entire relationship. He admitted to meeting two girls and having sex with one. I was devastated and begged for him to stay. We went away to save our marriage but after two days he said he couldn't do it and left me askin for a divorce . After 7 months apart I had a fling with someone else he found out about it and began pursuing me I was confused and ended the fling after which my husband backed off and in fact has since admitted started seeing someone else . 6 months passed and I met my current boyfriend. He's not perfect and doesn't have a great job we argue but its real. Once again my husband is wanting me back. He's been to counselling and says he has changed he has just rented a flat two miles away to be closer to me and my daughter and is rail roading me a little I'm so confused. If my husband never cheated he would have been perfect. we get on even now like a house on fire and he makes me laugh more than anyone in the world and he can give me a nice life . But my boyfiend is very sweet he says he will work two jobs if he has to and move also to where I live as I'm currently at medical school in my final year I guess this is a case of better the devil you know I'm scared that after the lust wears off me and my boyfriend might fizzle out and I will regret not giving my husband another shot but at the same time I could give him another chance and he could leave me devastated again and miss out on a genuine love. I'm so torn please help by the way I haven't slept with or kissed my husband for over a year and half but I see him regulary. I've never been unfaithful
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female
reader, KittieS +, writes (14 September 2011):
 Hi,I can only compare this to my long term relationship of 14 years - he was an absolute control freak and I suffered years of mental abuse - he left me, but stayed in touch.I met him once, I was in the throws of a fling (nothing serious) and when I net my ex (more to test and price to myself he fight have control over me) he still tried to control me, when I said I was seeing someone else (this was 7 months after he left me) he went absolutely crazy at me - I pointed out to him "you left me - I'm getting on with my life" bottom line he didn't want me but wanted me to be desperately unhappy and want him, he wanted power over me. And it sounds to me like this is exactly what your ex is doing, cut him off completely, you don't need that in your life - you swerve someone who will treat you with respect.I learnt to treat mysf with respect, love mysf and what do you know soon as I did that I attracted a wonderful man who treats me like a princess, the same could happen to you.Right now you choose going back to a man who cheats, lies, and makes you un-happy OrLearn to love and respect yourself and have someonebin your life who treasures you...Not a tough one really :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2011): It isn't a healthy relationship for you or your daughter. Why would you even consider going back to a man who did that to you. Don't be scared of the unknown...fear what you already do know and don't repeat the mistake of trusting this man again.
I agree with the others go to counseling and figure out why you think so little of yourself. Don't allow him to play with your emotions again. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2011): He only wants you when you're with someone else. Basically, he doesn't want you but he doesn't want anyone else to have you either.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2011): i had 6 yrs with someone who was addicted to date sites and sex txting. that is the reason i couldnt have married and never argued over anything but that. i believe you need to keep well away from that ex because you will end up believing its all you are worth. have a break,as its unfair to anyone if you still miss the ex. I know you will get through and get more stability by keeping out of his way.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (13 September 2011):
 sounds to me like any time you find someone and are happy your husband wants you back but if you end the relationship to be with the husband he flakes off... honey he's playing games.
no one man is perfect... but a man who plays games and lies and cheats is not even acceptable.
I left a lying emotinally cheating man for a guy that i Fight with like crazy but you're right at least this is REAL and at least when he says he's going to go do something I know that's what he's doing....
will you ever be able to trust your husband? if not how can you make the relationship work???
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A
male
reader, eek +, writes (13 September 2011):
 i feel sorry for your boyfriend. i know there is nothing worse than being second best in a relationship. Especially when the woman your with is contemplating being with a man that cheated and hurt her before. Do yourself a favour and leave them both so that your free of the husband and the boyfriend can find someone who will love him for who he is.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 September 2011):
 If your husband had never cheated he would have been perfect, and if my grandma had wheels , she'd be a wheelbarrow.
Your husband HAS cheated, and lied .
What a strange coincidence, also. Every time he knows you are moving on and dating someone new all of a sudden he feels nostalgic and wants you back. Curious timing, uh ?
He backed off the first time, don't give him a second chance to make a fool out of you.
If i were you, I'd stay with the new guy. Or , perhaps, even better, by myself for a while. You seem still very hung up on your ex and until you get him out of your system, I doubt you can really give all yourself to a new man, no matter how nice.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (13 September 2011):
 it sounds like you never got over your ex before getting involved with your boyfriend, so hence he does not really have a chance! your ex sounds like a real charmer, he's got the sense of humour, the chat, the prospects, the good looks, perfect... except he can't keep his ***k in his pants.
he wants you just because you have someone else. you say he has had counselling, so maybe if you want to give him another chance, you should. but if after counselling he still has his fidelity problems then you should DEFINITELY put an end to things with him. i suspect this is just another piece of charming chat though and i don't know how you will ever really trust him and trust that the counselling has worked.
your feeling are not strong enough for your boyfriend so i think you should let him go and find someone who is EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE to give him what he needs out of life, because you are not.
i really think you could use some counselling yourself. i can understand why you are so confused about your feelings and what you want. your ex is still very much pulling your emotional strings and manipulating you
x
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (13 September 2011):
I think this is a real case of you needing to look at this logically and realistically.
Your ex husband, who you thought was perfect, was nothing. He was a liar, he was a cheat, he was putting you at risk of STD's, he made a mockery of you and those marriage vows, he then asked you for a divorce, he left, he came back and partly ruined something you had with another man, then he left again, now he wants you back. He even said he's had counselling? Where's the proof? Most likely he's just lying again.
I'd say that this man is a manipulative, cheating creep. He is exactly the sort of man everyone in the world will warn you about. He doesn't love you, doesn't care for you. What he likes is power. When you were his wife, he took advantage of you because he could. Then he left, because he could. When you got a boyfriend, your ex husband realized that he had no power over you. So he ruined what you had, then left you hurt. And, what a surprise, he's doing it again.
The biggest mistake of your entire life was not leaving him yourself and moving on. Don't make the same mistake again, or you'll become one of those women who either winds up lonely because the decent men have cleared off, or you'll just spend your life running around after this loser ex.
You're a smart girl. You're at medical school. Good, hard working, decent guys are interested in you. You really have such an opportunity to make something of your life. Don't screw it up by going back to a man who didn't care for you at all, and WILL hurt you again.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2011): Maybe it's you who needs the counseling and stay single for awhile? You are rebounding and will hurt an innocent person and you are seriously contemplating sabotaging your well being for a man who did nothing but hurt you and put you at risk. Sounds like you need some professional help so you don't keep repeating painful patterns.
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