A
female
age
30-35,
*oodle182
writes:I've been with my current boyfriend for just over 6 months after splitting with my last boyfriend after finding out that he cheated on me. Things with the current boyfriend have been good but I have never really gotten over my ex and its beginning to taint my current relationship.I originally cut all contact with my ex as I was upset and angry, however this didn't help my wanting to get over my love for him. As we both have many mutual friends it was hard to not see each other and difficult when we weren't talking. However, at a recent mutual friends gathering we begun speaking and have spoken every day since. It made me really realise that I do miss him, not just the relationship side but the fact that he was my best friend.I pushed this to the back of my mind as I am with my current partner and he is everything I could ask for, yet something jsut doesnt feel quite right.Having gone out for a friends birthday recently, where my ex also came, things have gotten alot worse. We were talking fine and were getting along great. However one of his girl friends came up to him and was really touchy feely whilst talking to him and he put his arm round her a couple of times; which really got to me and I was quite upset. Having seen this I decided i wanted to leave and told him I was going, but he could clearly see that I was upset and asked me what was wrong; leaving me with no choice but to answer that I wasnt over him and I didnt like seeing him like that with another girl.As I was upset he hugged me for ages, and we spoke outside for quite some time, him telling me that he found our break up really difficult and had alot of time off of work; inbeknown to me, and that hed give anything to have me back and make things work and a day hasnt gone by without him thinking about me. I also asked him why he cheated on me, and he replied that he doesnt know but he has realised what a massive mistake it was and he would never dream of doing the same. I know thats easily said but I do believe him, i could really tell how much he was hurting.As i'm with my current boyfriend, I felt that I had to talk to him about the fact that I still wasn't over my ex; and he was more understanding about it than I have ever imagined! He wants to stand by me and work through things so that I get over him. He says that he wouldn't want to be without me and that he loves me to bits, and although I do love him too I cant help but let it be tainted by these other thoughts.Im so torn between the two of them, my brain is telling me to stay with my current boyfriend as he is everything i could ask for, but my heart is telling me to take back my ex. What do you think i should do?!?!?!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (22 June 2010):
I think you need to spend some time alone. You're being very unfair to your current boyfriend by staying with him while you know you don't love him as much as your ex. He's a good guy, and deserves a woman who will give him the love that you just can't. Be kind and keep your dignity and let him go. As for your ex? Wake up. He cheated. He hurt you. The best excuse he had was he didn't know why. He'll do it again. Be alone, spend time getting over these guys a live your own life.
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