A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi there. I'm 20 and 2 1/2 months ago my boyfriend of 2 years dumped me. He said he loves me and is happy with me but I'm not "the one". We never had any big arguments but he said we "aren't right" for each other. At first I was really upset but the past month I've been doing great and even think I've developed feelings for someone else. I really like this new guy but I'm worried it's too soon, and I feel really guilty about it. I know he likes me too, but I'm so confused. We kissed a couple of days ago but I explained my situation and he says he is happy to wait before we take things to any sort of level, but I'm unsure. My friend is saying I can't make him wait for sex as it's not fair... I'm 20 after all... I really like this guy but it seems way too soon for me to get close to anyone else - and even though I want to a little bit, the thought of actually having sex with him now terrifies me! It's hard to explain. I just feel guilty for 1.moving on so fast and 2. making this new guy wait for me. Advice on any level?
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (15 November 2013):
 Erm your friend has issues if he/she thinks that all 20 year old girls should be jumping into bed with a guy she has only liked for the last month. DO NOT LISTEN TO THIS FRIEND.
Dating, sex, relationships - all should be taken at YOUR own pace, not at a pace dictated to you by someone else, be that a friend, family member or new love interest. If you dont feel ready, then you are not ready and there is nothing wrong with that.
2 years is a long time to be with someone, so naturally you are going to be cautious about meeting someone new and getting involved with them. There is no rule about how quickly you should move on, but if you feel better and like someone else then that is fine. Dont feel guilty about that - perhaps it just shows your ex was right, you probably were not right for each other and now you have the chance to get to know a guy who might in fact be right for you.
People come in and out of your life at funny times, sometimes you might go years without meeting anyone you like then all of a sudden 2 come along at once. You cannot control who you meet at what time, and this guy has come along quickly after the end of your relationship but that doesnt mean you have to forget about him just because you are recently out of a relationship.
What you need to figure out is what you are confused about, why the idea of sex with this guy scares you etc. Forget about other people's opinions and focus on your own opinion - get to the bottom of what you are confused about.
The new guy sounds like a good guy if he is willing to wait for you - so dont listen to your stupid friend. If a guy really likes a girl, no matter how old he is and she is, he will wait for her. Being 20 is irrelevant - if a 30 year old man was seeing a 30 year old woman it is well within her rights to ask to take things slow and not have sex until she feels ready. Just as a man can do the same - if he wasnt ready for sex then the girl should wait for him too if she really likes him. Sex is not guaranteed when you get to a certain age, it is a natural progression in a relationship but only when both parties are ready for it.
So he is happy to wait - great. Dont have sex with him and dont feel guilty, he is fine with it, its your silly friend who is not ok with it but that's his/her problem. Use this time to sort your head out, stop feeling guilty and figure out what you are confused about and what you need to do about it.
Stop worrying about what everyone else thinks for a change and focus on what YOU think, and what YOU want.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (15 November 2013):
 I think your "friend" is wrong. If you aren't ready THAT IS OK! Why isn't it fair? Because you are 20? Or because you already had sex with someone else? It's not about virginity here, it's about comfort level. So STICK to your comfort level.
Take it slow, go on dates, hang out with the guy to see if you ACTUALLY have deep feelings for him, IF he is worth a pot to pee in (so to speak) he will wait til you are. GET to know him before involving sex. My suggesting is that you try and keep the dates to public places it will make it "easier" to not get caught in the moment on the couch.
The guy even said he is willing to wait.
Personally I would say 2 1/2 months is kind of fast to move on after a 2 year relationship, but if you feel like the break up was the right thing, and you don't keep the ex on your mind constantly then maybe you ARE ready to day. Only you can really tell that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2013): I respect your boyfriend having been honest and letting you go, so you can find someone who is totally and completely yours.
This new guy - it's too soon, it's rebound and although may be fun, exciting and boost your ego having been dumped, be careful you don't hurt anyone, including yourself.
He sounds great in that he is willing to "wait" although it's inevitable that you both head towards something new. Warn him upfront that you're confused, still getting your bearings after the breakup, but if he stays it's his risk.
It may work, it may not, only time will tell but in the meantime, live life. I would spend time alone, to learn from the past relationship, to grow from it, and to heal, before moving on.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (15 November 2013):
 1 month or 2 months is not a deciding factor as to when you sleep with a guy. You need to be comfortable and you will know when you are ready. No such thing as unfair to make him wait. If he truly loves you and wants to be with you, he will wait till you are ready.
Don't do anything just because its right for someone else, do what's right for you.
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