A
female
age
16-17,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so I have a issue , uhh I may or may not masturbate, and I might have gotten addicted it just feels so good! But I kinda gross myself out, does anybody know how to stop? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2022): Dude:
I am 14m and I so totally get your situation. This is something I struggle with every day too. I am fortunate to have a GF who is awesome, but we are virgins and she has definite boundaries but at the same time seems to enjoy turning me on just because it is fun for both of us to flirt and let each other know how attracted we are even if we are not going to do more than kiss, hug, hold hands, and cuddle. She does not judge me for being horny as long as I behave. But that means there is a lot of built up frustation if you know what I mean.
I try to use sports and exercise to burn up the energy and sometimes that works and sometimes it doesn't She had tried to teach me to pray when I need to calm down. Honestly, it only helps me rarely, but maybe I am not doing it right. I tried cold showers but I just end up with a cold boner. So that leaves masturbation and sometimes I just feel like I cannot not do it. So I feel you bro.
One thing I do is I set challenges for myself. Not sure why I do this. I will be like okay if you don't touch yourself all week you can do it Saturday morning and go as many times as you want, like I am giving myself permission but trying to have self control. I did give it up for 40 days for lent once even though I am not Catholic but my GF said I should try doing something for lent. I gave up other things too but did not tell her about this one. It definitely put me in a bad mood and I was more irritated when I tried that, so 40 days was too long for me.
I am not sure if it is a sin or not. Impure acts or whatever. I just have to trust God loves me and knows what a struggle this is and that I am trying not to be a freak. Obviously masturbating is better than sleeping around or getting a girl pregnant or porn.
Another thing I have tried which may or may not be good advice. Instead of like jacking off multiple times in a row or all night long or whatever (which is fun) you could like tease yourself over and over like on the edge and stop on purpose, calm down, then tease yourself again, until you build up to a mega orgasm. If I do that I am so freaking tired I just fall asleep. On the other hand, it is also hard to just stop in the middle like that.
If you are serious about not doing it on a specific night here are my tips: (1) leave your bedroom door open on purpose so you know you do not have the privacy (2) only give yourself like 2 or 3 minutes in the shower and get right out so you do not have the privacy (3) do pushups everytime you are tempted to touch, just get out of bed and do as many as you can, and tell yourself hey if you dont want to do more pushups chill out (4) tie up whatever hand you use normally to head board or whatever with robe tie or rubber bands or whatever, no so you can't get away, but like a reminder if you are half awake not to put your hand down there (5) put your hands under your armpits and cross your arms trapping them and imagine you are in a strate jacket (6) sleep on a couch in a public area cause again no privacy (7) do some kind of chore (i was doing my own laundry in the middle of the night and my mom thought i was losing my mind but i was just trying to distract myself) (8) watch cartoons (i just laugh and forget sometimes).
Even if none of that helps, just hang in there buddy. You are normal. You are cool. The fact that you are even wondering if maybe you are going too far means to me you are basically a good dude.
Your friend, Calvin
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2022): I waited to give other uncles a chance to speak-up. You need some male advice on this, and your dad would be the most qualified to answer this kind of question; but it's hard to talk to parents about such things. I know! Especially, in homes without live-in dads, live-in dads with no interest, or divorced-dads who don't spend a lot of time with their sons. It's not always their fault. I hope I'm not the only guy who responds to your question. Not knocking responses from females, but our dad's usually answer such questions.
Being a male, we learn very early in life about what's going-on down there. It's hard to keep your hands off of it at times. It also has a mind of it's own, and it will be greedy for attention. You have to teach it who's boss. It wants attention all day long, and it will nag you if you don't comply.
I think all guys experience this, and we learn as we get older there comes a point when you have to get it under control. It's nothing to be ashamed of, but it's also something you shouldn't overdo. The friction will cause itching and irritation. You'll need to scratch when it's not appropriate. You could get soreness, and it's too embarrassing to tell anybody. Nature has a way of letting us know when it's time to chill with masturbation. What feels good will start not to feel so good; because it isn't meant to be bothered with over and over.
Just make up your mind that you'll cut down on how many times you do it. Do it gradually. Don't spend too much time alone in your room, or the bathroom. Study, play your video games, hangout with your buddies, and don't think about girls all day long. You have other interests and fun things to do. If you're not alone in your room too much, you can't touch yourself so much. You need to get your mind off that, and more onto other things that you enjoy.
If you and your father (or an older brother) really get along well; you have to have these kinds of talks with guys you trust, before you talk to strangers who don't know you, and don't love you. Dads and brothers may sometimes tease you about it; but they used to do all the same things. Take the teasing, it's just good to know that somebody close to you also understands you. When you start to realize you might be doing it too much; you'll automatically start to do it less and less. We have a built-in gauge in our heads called a conscience; which is connected to our common sense. They will start to tell you when you're going overboard with something. You must listen to them when you know that to be true.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (29 October 2022):
 I would say, if you are doing it in private and not running any risk of anyone seeing you, then there is no need to worry. If you get caught doing it somewhere you shouldn't be, then you run the risk of ridicule from your friends and family, not to mention a possible police record.
If you find yourself getting aroused where you shouldn't, learn to think of something which you find repulsive and a complete turn-off. Your brain is your biggest sexual organ and you CAN learn to control yourself IF YOU WANT TO.
If you masturbate too much, you do run the risk of not being able to enjoy sex with others. Once you have a partner, hopefully you will be able to redirect some of that sexual energy towards them (if you are both old enough and willing participants of course).
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 October 2022):
 Self-control, honey.
While I get that masturbation is not necessarily a bad thing to do, I think moderation and self-control are good lessons to learn. It is a normal function of your body. Part of puberty is sexual drive and the bodily changes everyone goes through.
If you gross yourself out, ask yourself why. Puberty is weird. So many changes in such a short time. So much to get used to.
And if need be, avoid being in a place where you feel less able to control it.
Like everything else learning to "be in charge" or self-control is always a good thing.
I hope you stay far far away from porn - THAT is never a "natural" thing. It's people faking sex. It's not going to help you understand your body.
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