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male
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes: How do I come out to my female partner? Hey people, any help will be appreciated, I'm looking for advice on how I can get out of a situation I've stupidly got myself in. So, I'm gay but have a girlfriend and I really don't want to hurt hurt, but the longer it goes on the more certain I am. Okay I'm a dick, I think deep down I always knew something was different about me, and I didn't really like girls.. and fancied men but I suppressed it because it was "normal" to like girls so I got one too.. at first things kinda worked out, maybe cause it was new or whatever, but then my truth started coming out, I found myself secretly watching gay porn alot, then secretly flirting with guys online, then when really aroused by one, I ended up going to his house, "just to chat" but I knew it wasn't, he started sucking my cock and i didn't want to stop him, then he bent over and show me his ass and I couldn't resist him I fucked him so hard I'd never had anything like it, I filled that condom with cum so quickly. Somehow I convinced myself I was bisexual, and It was okay with what I did. Then after finally being with a guy, I noticed I couldn't get hard with her anymore, I'd go soft inside her unless I thought about men and only got hard when I was rimming her. I've not been with any other men behind her back but I know it's mean, but I know I don't have any attractive to her or females, my man literally went limp in her hand the last time she touched me, when I claimed I was you tired, I know I need to tell her I like men only, I just don't know how you look someone in the face and say hey I've been lying about me. Any help with this would be nice
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (29 October 2022):
 How do you tell her? Well, certainly not in the detail you shared with us. She doesn't need to know it - and neither did we, but heh, there it is. It obviously gave you a kick and, while aunts and uncles on this site will have rolled their eyes and will forget it two minutes after reading it, your girlfriend would remember it for a long long time. Remember this: people may forget what you did and what you said, but they will NEVER forget how you made them feel.
In your shoes I would approach it from an angle similar to this: "Heh, I have something to share with you because I care for you and don't want to lie to you any longer. I always suspected I was gay but thought I could make it work with you. I have now realized I can't make it work. If I can't make it work with you, I can't make it work with any female. I am so sorry I have wasted your time. I do care for you, but not in that way. Please believe me when I say, this is 100% my fault and absolutely nothing to do with you. I have treated you badly and I feel ashamed and hope you can forgive me."
After this you have to cut ties completely and let her get over what you have told her. She will be hurt. She will be confused. She will even, possibly, blame herself if she has self esteem issues of any sort.
If you have had any unprotected sexual contact with anyone else, you need to be honest (no pornographic details required) so that she can get herself checked out in case you have infected her with anything. Hopefully her feelings will be the only things you will have hurt.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2022): Just tell her the truth! Delaying her pain is not better than just giving it to her straight-up. Hiding the truth is for your own benefit, not hers. You don't want to deal with the drama, or you're just too embarrassed to come out of the closet. You'd rather get caught; than to just come clean, because it's easier.
You worry about hurting her? Yet you watch gay porn, flirt with men online, and had a gay-encounter all behind her back. How is that being considerate of her feelings? Your relationship is now a lie. Now introduce the truth, and take whatever comes at you.
You better use condoms, make sure you don't infect her with an STD; when you find yourself out "feeling your truth." You better get the monkey pox shot, and take every other precaution if you're going to "live your truth."
Keeping the truth from her for a long time, makes it all the more painful when you finally tell her. The longer she lives a lie, the deeper the emotional injury when she learns the truth about you. The sooner she knows, the sooner she has the time to get over you; and she can recover from the pain and shock.
Not that she may not already be suspicious.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2022): I think she probably realises something's wrong already. She will have noticed your lack of sexual attention and be wondering what's happening. It may well come as a relief to her to finally be told the truth. Put her out of her misery because you are already hurting her. She's not stupid. She's knows there's something up.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (27 October 2022):
 You say you don't want to hurt her but then you flirt with men online and go out and have sex with an almost stranger?!
Just rip off the band-aid! Tell her, I'm sorry I have come to realize that I'm gay. I can't string you along, it's not fair to you or to myself.
Then you END it and move on.
She will be hurt but having invested in you and then being deceived by you but she will get over it and over you.
The longer you wait to tell her the MORE you hurt her.
Stop being a dick to her!
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (27 October 2022):
 Its good that you know you need to tell her, so i would not waste anymore time in doing so.
She is a human being with feelings, and i'm guessing that she has feeling for you. I feel the longer that you leave it the harder it will get, and the more upset she will be.
Of course she is going to be upset, but she will get over it, and over time will be thankful to you for letting her go so she can find someone who is really into her.
You will also find a sense of relief by looking her in the eye and telling the trust, as you will be able to hold your head up high knowing you did the right thing.
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