A
male
age
30-35,
*femel
writes:I am 21 year old male. Always been shy and have somewhat low self esteem. I have only been with (sexual intercourse, that is) two women, one being my current girlfriend. My girlfriend has been with at least ELEVEN. As if that isn't bad enough one more says they slept together, she says she can't remember. But here's where it gets bad:We've been together just slightly under a year, and now live together. When we first met she told me it was 5 guys and was still, in a sense, with the '5th' guy.I did some snooping (I know, shame on me) and it's AT LEAST ELEVEN!! Not to mention she's talked so several of the guys why we were together swearing up and down that I don't listen to her and this wasn't one of the guys. She agreed to meet one, let one into our apartment and he made a move on her. The list of lies goes on and on. She once asked me for a break which she admits was the same time she liked another guy... WHY WE WERE TOGETHER!I am grossed out by the number, and infuriated at the lies especially that she blamed on me not paying attention to her. Now sex isn't always fun, and sometimes repulsive to the point I don't want to touch her. I also feel very insecure of my body, she has a lot on her list to compare me to.I'm very bad with break ups and this is my second longest, most serious relationship. But now I feel like I can't trust a word she says.Is the damage too much, is there any chance we can mend, or do I need to run away before I get in deeper?
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a break, insecure, move on, self esteem, shy Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Efemel +, writes (18 March 2010):
Efemel is verified as being by the original poster of the questionResponse to those who have currently commented:
Thanks, for starters. Adamantine, I poorly phrased some of what I said. She didn't cheat on me, at least that I know of. But the number kind of signals to me that sex doesn't mean to her what it does to me.
Almasdp, I do agree that my insecurity is a big problem. To say it is greater than all the lies, which in turn make me more self conscious than any number could and make me feel as if I'm competing is folly. Your post wreaks of bias.
And to the first anonymous. Yes, I think lack of confidence has a huge impact on why I haven't left. However, and this may just be naivity, but I think that may be helpful sometimes, at least I know I'm not going to prematurely run away without legitimately trying to work things through.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2010): ALMASP, maybe he "judges her" because she's been blatantly lying to him and her sexual partner lis is probably still growing right now while she is his GF.
You might wanna read the whole question before you assume anything involving sexual histories is just male insecurity.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2010): Sounds like a relationship destined to end badly! Why on earth are you still sticking around... it's because you don't have any confidence to leave!
Your post hints at massive relationship issues between both of you, and you'd both be happier off, without each other.
You do not need to "run away" but rather man up, and face the fact that too much crap has happened with you guys. Get over her, and soon enough I'm sure you'll meet someone new. And don't make the same mistakes you made with your current gf with a new girl!
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A
female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (18 March 2010):
 Well her number isn't what you should be worrying about. She has been sleeping with other men while you were together in YOUR OWN apartment. This is where the trust has been breached. I honestly think from what you've stated, that the damage has been done. IF you continue this relationship, you will hold this resentment for her in your heart and it will cause further problems down the line.
Leave her now, there are many women out there who will not abuse you like this.
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