A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I started seeing a married man (S)from work four years ago. I don't want to go into details, but when we got together I was suffering from post traumatic stress. He was a good friend and there for me and I guess even though I was only 24 and him 44 one thing led to another. It was ok at first, but then I started to want more from him, I'd fallen in love with him. He was never going to leave his wife, he had kids and besides he loved her. With everything else I couldn't cope, I guess I became too much for him and he ended it. I fell into a deep depression, I still had to work with him and seeing him everyday broke my heart. I didn't exactly make life easy for him either. I was a mess. He was a friend to me throughout it though and got me to seek professional help. This did very little for me. The doctor put me on anti-depressants which just made me want to sleep all the time and the counsilor I sore was useless. Eventually I got through it as best I could, I moved departments, which meant I didn't have to work as closely with him. I went out with someone else(P)(I was still in love with S). P dumped me after 6 months with little explanation, I wasn't that bothered. Me and S remained friends through this, he was always there when I needed him. Then just over a year ago, we met up outside of work so he could give me my Birthday present. I don't know how it happened, but we started kissing. Stupid, yes! We've been back together ever since. The thing is, he never could and never will be able to give me what I want and need. He would not leave his wife and kids and nore would I ask that of him. Even if he was single, he's had the op, so can't give me kids, which I'm going to one day want. There's more though, a few months after we got back together another guy from work(D) asked me out, I like him, he's smart, successfull, a nice guy, we get on well and there is some chemistry there, plus he's single, a definate plus and a good age for me (5 years older). We went out on a few dates, then he kind of said in passing that some gossip at work had made up a rumour that me and S were having an affair. I didn't outright lie, I just said he's 20 years older than me, got kids and that just because 2 people got on well didn't mean they were having an affair. I know it's deceiptfull and wrong, but I couldn't tell him, not just for my own sake. So we continued to date, but he never made a move, then it got so I was always asking him out. I decided to leave it and see if he asked me out again. He didn't untill about 4 months later. I probably should have asked why he had left it so long, but didn't. The same happened again, we went on a fair few dates, he never made a move, then it got so I was always asking him to go out. So I left it again, then again he didn't ask me out for ages again. Since we have been seeing each other regularly and he's made more of an effort, but we've only kissed each other and only that because I made a move on him. I can't work out if he's taking things slowly because of work, because he suspects things with S, because he's a carefull person or because he's just not that into me. I was assured by a male friend of a friend (happily married), that this couldn't possibly be the case. Without being big headed I have to say if it wasn't for all my baggage I'd be a good catch, I'm a very kind, thoughtfull person, I'm clever, have a good sense of humour and I'm pretty, I've also been described as having a fantastic figure (I'm slim and curvey). So I don't know the reason he's holding back. I want to be honest with him,but don't know how. I also want to know at what point would it be classed as cheating on him. We've been seeing each other regularly for a while now and kissing when we see each other, he's never tried for anything more. I have to add one more thing, because I never make my life easy, I started a fling with a 21 year old guy (R)about 4 months back, because I was drunk and he is hot. It's not going anywhere we live at completely different sides of the country, just work for the same company and have monthly meetings that involve staying away. I've been honest with R and S, but not with D, should I feel guilty. I would end things with R and S if me and D, became boyfriend/girlfriend but I just don't know where I stand.Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!PS Why are guys like buses, theres none around for ages, then three come at once, but unfotunately none of them are going in the direction you want to go.
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affair, at work, drunk, got back together, kissing, married man, move on Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, NITRAM BLUE  +, writes (3 January 2009):
 Age does not matter when you are in love. Whether you are younger or older than the other guy is entirely irrelevant.
However, being "the other woman" isn't right in all respects.
Listen to what your heart tells you. Get rid of (S) and choose either (R) or (D). Now if another guy comes along, be sure he isn't married to avoid complications.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2009): Men are not busses, they are human beings and I have to be honest when I read your post, it really does come across that you seem a little self obsessed. Your continuing an affair with a married man (with no mention of how this would affect his poor wife or family) Your having a fling with a 'young hot' guy and trying in the midst of it all to keep the other guy 'D' on the hook. No wonder he's holding back. I agree that he is probably flattered to be dating you (because your 'such a catch' so you say!!!) but it appears he is more perceptive than you give him credit for and, my dear, I am sure he can smell a 'rat'.
You also say none of these men are going in the direction you want to go??? Just where do you think your going with all this activity? it seems you are playing all three of these men to hedge your bets. Perhaps men are not like busses but more like a game of 'Bingo' to you.
Get real!!! what your doing is self obsessive narcissistic and very very wrong. Do the right thing, give these men the chance to get away from you and let them have a chance to be with women who will treat them with respect because, my dear, you are doing the complete opposite. Here's the biggest news ' Your Not That Much of a CATCH!!!'
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