A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I’ve been with my BF for just over 6 months. A while ago we talked about marriage in general and he said that he sees it as a label mostly and that getting married doesn’t mean all will be fine in the future. He’s also said that he doesn’t see marriage in his short term future. Although I get his point of view, I still believe that marriage shows you’re strongly committed to another person. And even though I don’t want to get married right now (not even in the next year or two), I do want it some day. His parents, and mine, have been married for over 20 years so we both have good examples of what marriages can be.He’s recently said that he can see himself spending the rest of his life with me but he’s never said that he loves me. He’s also mentioned how he’d like to move in together with me soon.I thought I’d be ok with all that but I’m not. I’ve thought about things and I’ve decided that I don’t want to live with a man unless I’m either engaged to him or we have marriage in our future plans. I don’t want to be the GF who’s been with her BF for 5 years and there are no signs of marriage.So, what I want to know is whether I should ask him where he sees things going, what his views on marriage are, etc. Is it too early to ask? It’s only been 6 months. Our relationship is strong, we know each other’s families and friends and there are no problems otherwise.I don’t want to cause trouble now and make this an issue and ruin what we have at this moment because he’s been amazing to me and has never done anything wrong. But I also don’t want to wake up a year from now and realize he has no intentions of marrying me. He’s 25 and I’m 27. I’m also his first serious relationship.What should I do? Am I jumping the gun?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2010): Thanks guys for your input. I did think that 6 months was too soon but it's been bothering me lately and I feel like I have to sort it.
Red Green 0289, your answer really struck me and made me think much more deeply about all this. Thanks.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (4 March 2010):
Slow right down. You need to spend more time getting to know him and what he really wants.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (4 March 2010):
 Six months... much too soon.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (4 March 2010):
 A man's word is not cast in stones. As long as we are living , everything is fluid. Opinions can change with time and maturity.
One can never understand marriage when one is standing on the outside and viewing in. When the time comes, he will have another perceptions of what a marriage should be.
Change is inevitable and if we don't change, we are not growing up.
You can set a time limit in your relationship and if nothing changes, then it is time to move on.
If he won't change, another 10 years down the road , he would still be the same.
Better to leave after a reasonable time then waste your time waiting for the mountain to move.
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (4 March 2010):
 He says no marriage in the short term future, which is the same that you had said. Husband and wife are titles and to many, they are precious titles. I'd take it slow and go with your heart. If you have to ask where he stands, that'd be fine, but isn't critical this early in your relationship.
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A
male
reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (4 March 2010):
Nope, you are NOT jumping the gun. You need to re-read your post. He's NEVER said he loves you. WHY? He can envision spending the rest of his life with you, and is thinking about you two living together. Does he want a roommate? a replacement mother? What? You need to realize that he has NO EXPERIENCE in romantic relationships and that you are TRAINING him on how to treat every other woman he has a relationship with...
You're "relationship" is moving into serious territory w/o serious discussion. YES you need to talk about your hopes and dream and desires... you want to be married- you may (or may not) want kids. You may want a bunch of things. Talk about them... see if he's willing to stretch on your behalf. Your 27- you have a lot of great years ahead of you, but you need to be spending them with a great partner. Jury's still out on if he's a candidate.
Let your needs be known!
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