A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 20 years old. I got preganant in August by my boyffriend of nine years. We started dating in middle school. I have supported him through everything. Every bad or good chocie he has made, I was there. The pregnancy was unplanned and my family life at home is very unhealthly but my boyfriend wanted to keep the baby. I disagreed. I know in my heart that I couldn't have given this baby the life he or she deserved right now. I wasn't ready and feel very stupid for getting myself in this postion. In the end, my boyfriend was going to leave me if I had the abortion. He also refused to drive to the clinc He's been my best friend since I was 11. I lied and said the pregnancy test was a false positive and had the abortion. I know that not telling him was very wrong / unmoral but I didn't want to lose him. Shortly after the procedure, I began to harbor some bad feelings towards him. I needed him to be there with me. I needed his support. I had to take myself home on the public bus after my abortion. I was alone, scared, surrounded by kids, and very drugged. I needed him! He was the only one that knew about the preganancy and was going to leave me if I terminated it. I broke up with him Sept 23 2011 partially due the lack of support and because he was too busy to spend time with/ call me. It had been 3 weeks since the procedure and he was too busy and kept standing me up.Its the beginning of Novmeber and my ex boyfriend of nine years has already replaced me. He's on facebook taking cute pictures with new girlfriend and introducing her to his family. He treats this woman that he just met 100 times better than he has ever treated me recently.I've tried to contact him but he won't respond. What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2011): Its coming from an unhappy childhood home that has lead you to believe this EX BF is someone you could have trusted but really; you know you cant.What age were you and you and him were sexually active? I suspect a very young age.You put up with his poor behaviour and his bull crap because its what you are used to. Which is very unfortunate.Its time to let him go Sweetie. Mourn, hurt, cry but not for long. Know that when you do, you also mourn, hurt, cry over your innocence and unhappy childhood home.Then please, seek some support and counselling to gain self esteem, to heal and recovery from your unhappiness and injustice of your family life. Get stronger, healthier so you can make better dating choices that will bring you happier results.*hugs*
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reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (24 November 2011):
Please stop trying to contact him. You mustn't go back to him now. What's happened between you is a major problem that won't be fixed. You didn't want a baby, he did. That situation was impossible to handle for you both and this was the way it was going to end for your relationship.
For what it's worth, you made a mature decision that was right for you. You sat down, you looked at this in a mature manner and realized that you needed to do this. That's a very brave thing to do, and I and others will support you on that.
Your boyfriend had different beliefs, different wants, and he wasn't the one who was pregnant. You were totally, entirely apart on this decision, and in the end you can't expect someone who wants the opposite of you to suddenly fall into line. This will have knocked you, I'm sure. But you need to also understand that this will have knocked him too. He couldn't support you, because he wanted the baby and you didn't. There was no way that he could suddenly turn his mind off from the baby and support you. That's not the way the mind works, it's not the way humans work. His beliefs on this situation were too different.
I understand that you're hurt by this, and the fact that he's 'moved on' (that's most likely to be a rebound). But at the same time, if he wanted that baby, you have to accept that he had every right to make his stand when you made the decision to abort.
Now what you need to do is make real steps to move on from him, and to get real support that will make a difference to you, such as counselling. He's not able to support you anymore, and has made a really concious decision to move on. That's something that you'll need to accept and if you can accept that, you'll be able to see that you don't need his support and never really did. You made the right decision for you, and that's what you need to focus on.
Sadly in life, sometimes we all have to make decisions that are going to go against the beliefs and wants of others. You can't make someone support you if they want the opposite. you have to do what's right for you. You did that, and the cost was that he moved on. But, you still made the decision that was right. Focus on that, focus on yourself.
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