A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I developed feeelings for a woman who is the mistress of a well to do millionaire. She has a child with him and he bought her a house, a car and a house at the beach and caters to her every need. She claims she has nothing to do with him anymore, but I doubt it. She is very mysterious in that aspect. She also drinks alot and smokes up alot (even infront of her 5 year old son). For some reason, I had a short affair with her and developed feelings for her, which I kind of still hold. Don't ask me why. Anyways, apparently she saw other guys from what I heard from her friends. Is this woman worth it? Was she just using me? I really want to get her out of my mind, but have difficulty doing so. She never calls and seems not to care for me at all.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2011): So you are okay giving your love to someone who smokes up and is irresponsible to do so in front of her child - careless, selfish, abusive- and okay she is being used by a man for Sex so long as he pays her bills, lazy, self indulgent, lacks self respect?How is this attractive? How is a woman like that attractive?Oh because she may have outer beauty and offers herself to you?Oh yah, that's love alright.You do know you painted yourself a sucker and a bit not all together there in the nogging, right?So what's not so good or great about you that you would lower your standars and settle for the occasional glance your way but a selfish, dismissive, cold, calculating woman?Does she remind you of Mom? Was Mom the same way so you are used to believing that is how Women love?I say, run for the hills and once there, look for your nearest counsellor because you need to talk and work on the why you would be attracted to such a woman and then re adjust your way of thinking to I DESERVE MORE and HAPPINESS and this woman and any like her will not AID ME in Happiness.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2011): There's a sense in which it doesn't matter where this woman lives, what she looks like or how you got to know her - there really is a sense in which those details are just down to chance.What is happening is that, in some part of you, you have set yourself up against something that is highly unattainable and, one way or another, have set yourself the task of either a. getting it b. wondering why you want to.I think the bigger picture is that you yourself are wanting life to be better and you are putting something symbolic (in this case a woman) just out of your reach because you want to say, somehow "I want more, I want life to be better, I just don't know how to get it and I'm not sure what the something that I want is". Your need to kind of "upgrade" your life has all got compounded in this one woman.As soon as you see that you have effectively loaded all of your own needs into an idea of this woman and that, instead, you can make many smaller changes across your life in general, you will start to feel better. You are already questioning what it is that she actually means to you - it is just that you want to change and you have 'put all your eggs in one basket', hoping somehow for a fast-track, one place, upgrade. Look at your life and how it is and make small changes to what you have, right across the board, to feel better. If you like food, learn to cook really nice food. If you walk to your local shop now and again, see what it would be like to run for 10 minutes before you pop in there. It doesn't have to be material changes. If you like helping people - and my guess is that you do, because you somehow seem to sense that this woman is vulnerable underneath it all and that in itself can be seductive - then take a couple of hours a week to help people. See where I am going with this? It WON't be a quick cure for the longing that you have. But it will be longer lasting and it will take time, but it will improve things right across your life. Probably somewhere along the way, you will meet someone who will feel very, very real to you.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (24 November 2011):
 From what you described this woman isn't worth your time. How to get over her? Stop contact with her and take a good look at what else is out there and how much better other women really are. Shouldn't be hard to find someone who can up-do her unless all you look for is a pretty face (I assume she has a pretty face since she was a mistress, that's pretty much the only qualification a mistress needs).
This woman is no good for you or anyone, her values are non-existing and her smoking and drinking questionable. Neither does she seem to care anything for you and just used you for some fun to pass her time. Like we say to all girls who date players: she doesn't care about you and you need to forget about her and stop thinking you can somehow magically change her into the perfect woman. If she was everything you wanted in a woman she'd not be cold and distant with you, because I bet you actually want a woman who loves and adores you and respects you... and not this.
So go out there and find the true perfect match for you.
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