A
male
age
41-50,
*uz
writes:hi, today i have found out that my childhood sweetheart for 17 years has been having an affair for 4 months with my brother in law, me and my sister had our suspicions but never confered with each other until today, they have been texting and phoning each other everyday for the last 3 mths at least, they seem close when we have all been together, every text and call was deleted asap. and today when they were supposed to be in work, they were caught in my sisters house( not doing anything but still) acting shocked then lied why she was there. I have no physical proof of any sexual paticipation but am absolutely gutted, shocked, gobsmacked and angry and am in fear of what this will do to our kids, they say nothing have happened, apart from talking, i thought our life was great, we have 2 wonderful kids and i want to believe her but this has ripped me apart and my family, each time i think no she wouldnt or she couldnt, she has, i love her but feel total hate at the moment, we are sleeping apart and i cant bare her touching me or coming near me, i keep thinking that i have done something wrong and are at a loose end, do i forgive, throw her out . any advice would be appreciated
View related questions:
affair, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2007): Wow! Always trust your instincts.
If you felt something was going on, check your cell phone bill.
Talk to her. See why she's been lying to you. Why she has been going behind your back. It hurts, the hate and discontent is what is raging in your mind.
How old are your kids?
A
female
reader, Ask Heather +, writes (7 March 2007):
 This is a difficult one, not least because the amount of time you`ve been together, and the 2 children you have together. She says nothing has happened, but I agree with you that texting & phoning every day for the last 3 months seems more than just "being friendly". I understand the way you feel, but please try to leave the hate on the doorstep & close the door on it for the moment. Would it be possible for a relative to have the children to stay for the night, or a weekend? I really think you both need to sit down, without distractions; and have a long talk. I think everything needs to be brought up (perhaps from both sides), and when there are children in earshot this is not a good idea. There may be tears, anger, regret etc, but I think this is the only way you may sort things out, if they can be sorted out. Obviously you will have lots of questions that you want answers to, and she will have things to say too. Just remember, don`t resort to digs/snipes, and try not to raise your voice; no matter how frustrated you feel. As you haven`t got any proof of infidelity, it could be something explainable, loneliness, companionship etc, (as you don`t say she`s cheated on you before), is it possible that with two children to raise, she gets on well with this man, & when you`re at work, and not available, has a chat with him as she would her brother? When you both have your serious talk, and it IS serious, as there are TWO marriages here, and children involved, you may both wish to make some rules about what you can/can`t live with. If you made a suggestion that she stop the constant (even if innocent) texting & phoning of this man (as it worries you AND his wife), then I don`t think you`re being unreasonable. Please let me know how you get on, With Love, Heather.
...............................
|
