A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi - i've been married for just over 2 years. My wife recently moved out saying that we have become like brother and sister rather than man and wife. We have not had sex for over 3 months. The problems have been there for a lot longer, we were never highly sexed within the relationship I found that almost all of the time I was making the first move my wife was rejecting this and to be honest my confidence is shattered. She said it was making her feel guilty, so I decided to stop making advances and it turned out that all the intimacy within the relationship disappeared, even when I tried to kiss her I could not get passed a peck on the lips. She has been gone for 3 weeks now and I am not any closer to getting her back, she says she still loves me and I have poured my heart out to her as she is very special to me. I have never cheated on her and I firmly beleive she has not met anyone else because I know that's how it may seem. I would like to hear things from a womans perspective as I am not sure if i've handled things in the correct manner.
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male
reader, Kody  +, writes (7 March 2007):
Dear Sir
I am no women but this same thing happened to my family tearing it apart.My mother and Step dad were like that he showed no love not wanting to do any thing then they started to sleep in sepert rooms then it escaleted to fighting and finily I don't wanna say this but I hsvent seen him in a year.It sound to me your wife show no intrest in romance like a nice candle let dinner and love poems but if you truly love her try to explain your situation and maybe she would understand.
Your Friend
Kody
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2007): Hello Friend,
I read your question and the main reason Im replying is because it is almost identical to my own current situation. The only differences are that we were together for 3 years and were engaged to be married. The lack of intimacy was also present with us too.
Personally on the subject of intimacy, I spoke about it with my partner and she said that she can only be intimate when she feels trully loved and that our frequent weekly or fortnightly arguments put her off . This kind of had a knock on effect and the lack of intimacy caused me to be grumpy with her and it turned into a vicious circle.
We split up 1 week ago and we own this house together. We are both still here in seperate rooms but are making arrangements to sell up and get seperated places. She still says she loves me, is in love with me, and that I mean the world to her. She also gives me a kiss and a cuddle before I go to work and before bed, and occasionally when we may pass in the house and catch each other's eye.
I have torn myself apart over this almost to the point of making me mentally ill. I didnt sleep or eat for 5 days and Ive lost the best part of a stone! She too is eating a lot less and constantly feels numb and nauseas.
She has explained to me that life is too short to live together if you're both not trully happy, and she is probably right, no, she is right. I KNOW that when the pain subsides and I start kickstarting my life into gear then I will find true happiness.
I too have done as you have and laid my cards on the table. I told her how I desperately wanted to make a go of things and that I would do anything to stay together because I love her and she is my soul mate.
However, once the dust settles you can see the bigger picture and things become a lot clearer to you about where things went wrong and you will become a stronger, better person for it. trust me! Ok your'e married, but its only a piece of paper!
Get your friends updated and stay in touch with any family or friends you feel can be of support to you. If you dont have anyone as a pillar to get you through the tough bit, try the samaritans. No joke! They may not give you advice but simply talking through your story to a stranger on the phone is very powerful in healing the pain. You will have nothing to lose by trying. I phoned them AND I told my friends, by phone, text, email and in person.
Get happy, you have just saved yourself from an uncertain future with someone whose heart wasnt fully committed. DOnt worry there are plenty people out there who are waiting to give you everything they have and you will always remember that this was the best turning point in your life.
ENJOY!
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