A
male
age
30-35,
*Reval
writes:Well hello! I've been with the love of my life for 9 months roughly 10. Our jobs are weird for the schedules are as abstract as our relationship. I see her only on Saturday's and Sunday's sometimes Friday nights. The issue is not that I don't get to see her but an incident occured where she said were trading phones today, so I said ok! Well as the day past (Saturday) she got a facebook message it was her messaging me through mine so as I went to reply, she had a message she had spoken to her ex of 3 years 3 months ago. I asked her about it before reading it to show her I trust her. Then, with the explanation came the "Well you were not suppose to read it nor find out about it, it's something you didn't need to know that's why I didn't tell you" I was in shock and confused ofcourse if we turn the table she would have wanted to know also (I asked). Well she explained that she told him how is it that he knows that someones in love because she was and all these other questions about relationships. That was the first incident so I decided to scroll down, and there were a lot more messages, on how she "owes" him money and they needed to talk. Now my trouble is, when I see her on facebook I can't help but not trust her. She has lied very much to me in the past in the beginning and some part in the middle and he's about her ex, about what well she says he calls her private or not and she picks up the privates because of work but never talks to him, I've asked her to do something about it and she says there's nothing she can do. She said he'll stop and that she's tired of changing her life (phone number) because he gets a hold of it. IDK, there's just too much I've spoken to her about it I've told her how it makes me feel and she acts like she has no control over it. . . So my question is, is it because of her lies before and how I find out about things that doesn't allow me to trust her 100% specially since she's away for 5 days. I love this girl she loves me but I'd hate to know I need to leave her because I can't trust her. Thank you, Aunts!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (20 January 2011):
 I think you need to talk to her when she gets back. Be honest with her and explain that because of all the lies and the problems with her ex that you are struggling to trust her, and because of this it is making you question the relationship.
She either needs to do all she can to prove to you that she is trustworthy, or you need to call it a day. Trust will come back with time, but only if she doesnt mess it up in the mean time.
Now there are things she can do about contacting her ex - the two main ones are:
1. Blocking him on facebook so he cannot message her etc
2. Calling up her phone operator and getting them to put a block on his phone number so he cannot under any circumstances get through to her on her phone.
If she is not willing to do these things then that suggests she still has feelings for her ex, and that would be something you would have to deal with. Can you be in a relationship with someone who still has feelings for an ex? Or is the lack of trust and feelings for an ex a deal breaker?
It is all up to you I'm afraid - I suggest you talk to her first, suggest those two actions to block the ex and then based on her reaction, take it from there.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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