A
female
age
51-59,
*R_Scorpio
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over 2 years now. Recently, we've hit a few rough patches and I'm trying to spice up and revive our relationship. One of his fantasies is to have a threesome with a woman that neither one of us know. We have discussed how we would do it and to be honest, he's not pressuring me at all. He said he's ok if it never happens..it's just a fantasy for him. I however, am curious and intrigued but have a few reservations about it. Thinking about a threesome turns me on but also worries me. What if I feel uncomfortable and can't handle watching my man having sex with another woman? What if she does things to him that I don't and make him want to have sex with her again?Can anyone share any advice as to how to handle a threesome...what things to be be aware of, etc?
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female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (2 July 2011):
 its a big gamble isn't it? you like the idea coz its sexy but if your fears about feeling bad when you see him having sex with another woman and if he has a really great time with her- become reality - then how will you get over witnessing images like that?
the fact that you have expressed this concern tells me that a 3some is not right for you. not all fantasies have to be acted on. i suggest if he is happy with you and not pressurising you for a 3some then just don't do it
x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2011): you said you two were going through a rough patch. this is really not the right time to have a threesome because it requires that you have an extreamly strong solid relationship! id be worried too because if things arent going great with you id think hed probably be more interested in the other woman afterwards but thats just my opinion.could you handle the fact that he might be thinking about the other woman afterward? if its someone you care about id say no because it could make your relationship worse!but if you want to do it work out your relationship first
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (1 July 2011):
 Chigirl's last paragraph hits it spot on. Threesomes should only be on the table if both of you are in a very close and extremely strong relationship, and you both share an equal passion, fantasy and taste for threesomes.
No way should two people who have had rough patches ever introduce a threesome. Then, usually, it's one party's way of legally cheating and a surefire way of widening the "rough patch" into an insurmountable stumbling block that your relationship with break on.
The other litmus test is this - how would your boyfriend feel about a MFM threesome? That would definitely spice up things for sure. I'm guessing that he would be much less open to that.
Bottom line, and I mean this, your relationship will pull through not due to sex-spicing gimmicks, but a physical, emotional, and intellectual deepening of your connection. If you want spice, go travel, or have an adventure, or take up a new hobby together.
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male
reader, JayJay101 +, writes (1 July 2011):
i think it will for sure change the relationship for the better or for the worse who knows but it will for sure change the relationship, its like opening pandoras box once it is open you cant close it back up. so i suggest you really really think hard about this situation and if you feel comfortable ask his suggestion and his opinion...
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male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (1 July 2011):
Threesomes are likely to give rise to major problems if the relationship is not secure or if the people participating are not secure. Neither you nor your relationship sound secure from what you have written. You mention that the relationship has been going through some rough patches, which is exactly the wrong time to be experimenting with this. You also say you would like to do it BECAUSE your relationship has been going through some rough patches, and because you would like to revive the relationship. That is exactly the wrong reason to be experimenting with this.
Having a threesome is not a way to fix things that aren't working properly. Fix them, and then see if you want to have a threesome.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2011): Why can't your threesome include another man, instead of another woman? Oh, that's repulsive you say, or your mate would say? Well, ditto that to two women and a man.
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female
reader, Miss Taterbutt +, writes (30 June 2011):
 If you are questioning whether or not you'll be comfortable watching another woman sleep with your man, then it's obvious that you're not ready to have a threesome. Personally, if I were you, I wouldn't resort to adding an extra into the bedroom. Eventually, unless the couple is extremely secure with one another sleeping with other people, all it will do is cause problems in the end. I can already sense that you might like the idea, but deep down, during the time of the act, your insecurities are going to start kicking in. I know I couldn't handle the thought of the possibility of another woman being able to please my man better than I could, with the chance of it not being just a one-timer between the two of them. It's almost like an excusable time to cheat. That's only my opinion, though. Find other ways to spice it up without having to bring someone else into the picture. You'll probably save yourself the troubles.
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female
reader, kittykins +, writes (30 June 2011):
 I have experience with this issue. My best possible advice ties in with the previous answers posted by aunt honest and so_very_confused... If you have any, repeat, ANY reservations, or niggles, no matter how tiny, do NOT do it. This is very, very dangerous territory if you are not involved in a relationship that was not open from the start. In these situations, the boundaries are never attained and always crossed. Several of my friends in non-open relationships have all tried threesomes with other women. In every case it was the man's idea. In every case, he ran off with the other woman. Not to say that your husband will do this, but you have to ask yourself what you are going to get out of it. I am bisexual, therefore, I would not mind there being another woman involved. I get the feeling you aren't, however. Do you really want to have sex with a woman for your benefit alone? Or would you do it merely to please him for visual purposes? If it's the latter, then it is not fair.If you go through with it, despite the small reservations you have, the jealousy will fester inside you and eat you alive. Your self confidence will dwindle and you will question whether, as aunt honesty said, you are enough for him sexually and emotionally. Relationships, in my opinion, are sacred and extremely special: something to be shared between two people alone. The bond should never be broken. I have have several threesomes in the past, but I was single then, without any attachments. Another important point was touched on by so_very_confused is that you should be very careful in finding this person in which to have a threesome. In my experience alone, my partner was very unstable physically and emotionally. Good luck with your decision, dear. If you wish not to, then stand firm. You shouldn't have to go to such lengths to keep someone happy, and this won't mend the rough patches. It will tear them open like you wouldn't believe, and the door toward infidelity is then popped ajar.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (30 June 2011):
 These are questions and fears you need to talk to your boyfriend about.
Before having a threesome, or during the threesome, one should always talk to the partner about what's ok to do and what's not. Plenty of women agree to a threesome, but don't want their man to have intercourse with the other woman/come inside the other woman. You can place restrictions on whatever you feel is good.
Another option is for the least secure one of you to be in charge. The other can of course always say no to an action. But if the least secure one (in this case that might be you) gets to decide you will feel more in control over the situation. Being in charge means you get to call what people do and not do, you get to stop whatever action you feel uncomfortable about, and you get to tell people what to do (like your man should focus on you, or tell your man what he shall do with the woman).
The third party should always be the more passive one, asking permission through body language on what they can do. If the person you invite over is not "obedient" (in lack of a better word) then just end the threesome.
Another rule of threesomes is that it can stop at any time anyone feels it needs to stop. And when one person says stop this needs to be respected.
There are a few problems when it comes to inviting someone you don't know. They might be rude and ruin the experience, they might be horrible in bed, they might smell or somehow turn you off, but even worse: they might carry and STI. And, what happens if your boyfriend impregnates her?? There is no way you know if this woman is using a contraceptive, there is no way you can know if she is STI free either.
The fear of an unplanned pregnancy is why, in the case I'd have a threesome with a boyfriend, I would be wary of him having intercourse with her. The other thing is that intercourse is something you might want to keep special for the two of you.
What acts were you thinking of that the other woman might do to him that you normally don't, or wouldn't do? Talk to your boyfriend about this.
Having a threesome wont fix any problems in your relationship though. I recommend threesomes only to those couples who have NO fears of having them, and who have a strong and steady relationship. You just said you had a rough path, and you are showing uncertainty about this. So for the time being I think you shouldn't go along with a threesome. It should only be done if you're feeling comfortable about it with NO worries.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2011): Don't do it.
The things you are worried about are the things that will either happen, or you will afterwards fear they have happened. You might get through the actual session without getting upset, but afterwards ... and you will never be able to get it out of your head.
I say again, don't do it. Some things are better kept as fantasy.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (30 June 2011):
 I am 67 yrs mature so here's my answer....you'll regret it for life if you proceed! Three is not a number for love or even "pretend love". That is a mature answer to the question.
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female
reader, PR_Scorpio +, writes (30 June 2011):
PR_Scorpio is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your honest replies ladies. I really appreciate your input. @ So Very Confused, we have discussed going out to a bar or some place where we can meet a woman that might be interested. we also discussed being "safe" (using condoms). He also said he doesn't mind the girl on girl action. I've never had girl on girl action and not sure how I feel about that. But you bring up a great point..how would we know if she's safe mentally, emotionally and physically. You ladies have really given me some food for thought and I appreciate it.
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female
reader, Shelley Harris +, writes (30 June 2011):
 Hi,I can understand why you think this might be agood idea, you say you want to spice up your relationship, but you don't say what's wrong with it. Good sex in not the sign of a good relationship. For those people that have fantastic relationships and fantastic sex they will tell you that the sex in not the important part, the understanding, the trust, the loyalty, the support etc is what makes the relationship. If your relationship is in trouble spicing it up with sex is not the answer. However if everything else about your relationship is ok and it's the sex that you want to improve I suggest you get a book, see a sex therapist and try other things (tantric sex) before you go down the threesome route. I've known couples that tried it and it made the situation worse because the women didn't like watching her husband with someone else, and her husband loved it and wanted to do it more. You can only be the judge of whether you would be able to do it or not.Good LuckShelley
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 June 2011):
 As a person that was monogamous then in an open marriage that landed me with my current partner with whom I am again monogamous, I can tell you that if you have any concerns over whether or not to do this, I strongly caution against it, if you want to keep your current relationship.
IF you think that watching your man with another woman will make you jealous this will not work.... if you are one of those people that gets hot at the thought of your partner pleasing someone else or being pleased by someone else, then it might work....
I left my HUSBAND for a man I was supposed to be having fun and games with.... if you cherish your relationship, think long and hard about this...
that being said, if it's a woman neither of you know , where will you find her? how will you know she's safe, mentally, emotionally, physically?
will your bf want to watch girl on girl action? do you wish to partake of that?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (30 June 2011):
 If you want my honest opinion well then it is not to do it. It is never a good idea to introduce a third person in to a relationship. It will just make things worse believe me. You said yourself you are going through a few rough patches and believe me this wont fix it, it'll only make things so much worse. You will only end up getting jealous and paranoid that he is having more fun with her than he is with you. You will get self concious and you will feel like you are not good enough. When you both argue you will bring it back up and it will always be on your mind. I mean do you really want to sit and watch your man have sex with another woman. Watch his hands all over her body touching her making her moan, watch her touching him, watching them kiss and make love? If I were you I wouldn't do this or else you can kiss goodbye to your relationship.
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