A
female
age
41-50,
*inklady1/2heart
writes:*OPs own title*My husband and I are about to have our 10 year anniversary and I don't want to be together anymore. Now don't get me wrong I didn't just wake up and decide this. Let me start at the beginning. He didn't want to marry me, he just did it for the baby. It took him the first couple of years, but then he was there too. We have always had our ups and downs. He's a very strict religious guy and I'm more free spirited. When he was finally in the relationship as much as I was, then his family got in the way. He insisted that we live with them, and when I finally got him to move out, he let them come live with us. Needless to say, my artistic spirit never could mesh with theirs. It all came to a head and it involved police, restraining orders (from his mom, not me...out of my own house that she was living in) and false claims of child abuse. I had to spend 6 months in court convincing social services that I didn't so what his family said I did. Never once did he stand up for me or take my side, but to be fair he didn't stand up for his family or take their side either. I was out of the house for those six months and I was mad... I didn't stay alone for long. We stayed married, but separated. After the case was closed I decided that the kids (4) had been through enough and got back together with him. But after all that, I don't love him, respect him, and am definitely not attracted to him. The case has been over for over a year now and I can't get over it. He constantly reminds me that I was with other people when we were apart and I owe him total loyalty. He won't let me get a facebook or twitter, because people I spent time with tried to contact me when I did. He doesn't want me to talk to old friends either. I am here for my kids, but I hate it. I know that it is quitting if I leave. All that stuff about the good and bad times keeps me awake at night. I eat about 6 times a day to ease the pain and have gained 40lbs. I am not the only one who doesn't want to be here. He makes it clear to me that I am not good enough to be his wife all the time. I just don't know what to do. I know that the divorce would be ugly, and am wondering if I should just wait until the kids get older....What should I do?
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female
reader, pinklady1/2heart +, writes (19 February 2010):
pinklady1/2heart is verified as being by the original poster of the questionA relationship counselor is all good and well if he would go see one, but he won't. "We don't need a counselor, because we are just fine." No sex is fine?!!! Fat wife is fine?!? Not talking about anything is fine?!? I know that we are in trouble, but very similar to the situation we were in before, he refuses to recognize there is a problem, so it just must not exist.
A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (18 February 2010):
This is one of those situations where you have to first try resolve your differences first before quiting. It sounds like you have been through a lot but I was also reading between the lines and its obvious that this is YOUR version. Obviously he has HIS version too, but then there is the TRUTH; I have counselled enough people to know this to be true. I would look for sites offering marriage counseling or marriage enrichment. Retrouvaille.com is a good starting point. Most churches would offer counseling for free since you say he is religious. If he is so in the wrong like you claim then a pastor would set him straight once he listens to both your stories. If you choose to stay with him then you have to be willing to start afresh; him too. There are many marriages that begin with the pressure of a pregnancy or even arranged marriages that last longer than the fairytale ones. You can have your dream relationship if you seek the help you both need. All the best.
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A
male
reader, Wildcamaroguy +, writes (18 February 2010):
 Well im only 19 years old i have 2 kids i was not married to her but the first thing i did was go and try to get custedy be cause if he does he can pretty much say u cant see ur kid and if u 2 are not happy together why be together right but i advise u get custody of ur child before u go threw a divorce :) i been threw a similar situation
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A
female
reader, Tarawr +, writes (18 February 2010):
 First of all, you married for the wrong reasons. You should never, and I mean NEVER "stay together for the kids." Don't sacrifice your happiness for some guy that obviously doesn't care for you. He is trying to cripple you emotionally and mentally. Don't let it get any worse.
Leave this person. He's obviously not ready for a real relationship. Get a guy that you can't wait to see, a guy that is worth your time, a guy that you get butterflies just thinking about.
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