A
male
age
30-35,
*rent Gear
writes:Hello aunts, I'm looking for advice as to a very strange situation for me.Question is at the very bottom, but I really feel that a story is needed to highlight why this warrants anonymous help.I'm 17, go to an international school in Britain. I'd say I'm introverted, and I am geeky and proud of it. I may not have a lot of friends, but the ones I do I know will stick by me. I am happy with them, even if they are starting to act immature. I have six months left before college, big deal.The problem is with one friend in particular, I'd go to say is my best friend. Yes, its a girl. As I passed up through sophomore and junior years we'd consult each other with our tales of woe in the land of teenage love. Really she and I kicked it off well from the start, wildly different interests, but I'd say we are both rather mature for our ages.Where as I have had a lack of relationships, she has had two. The first lied to her and made her very cynical towards guys. Yet, as time went on she opened up again. It was harsh, but she got over it. I don't drill for details, but it appears they have a friendship now. The second finished a few weeks ago, a short thing but the guy was a gentlemen and told her after two weeks it wasn't working for him, rather than lead her on.She's been a lot more vocal lately after the second relationship that she thinks guys are quite stupid sarcastically, but the vocalness of it makes me wonder if she is really bothered by her lack of ability to have a sustained relationship. She snaps at me occasionally now when my helpful side takes over and I sound like I'm patronizing her when I don't really mean to by going through everything step by step. She does apologize though saying something along the lines of 'I really shouldn't have snapped at you, sorry'. The friendship is still there, and it was reaffirmed when I cut it off for a week when she told/asked me never to cut her off like that again. It meant a lot to me, but only made my problem worse. My problem?I've got a thing for her I can't shake, and I have real trouble giving advice or otherwise when I know I'm emotionally involved on a level I shouldn't be with a friend. I've found myself slipping and nearly flirting with her, something WAY out of character for me and would be spotted at a mile away. I, being a guy of my age, want a relationship with her. I don't really care much about sex quite honestly. I've gotten a peck on the cheek, but I still find hugs far better if I care on any level about the person. I'd imagine right now with my stress from my family situation (which is an entire separate story), college applications, and course load; a hug at the end of a day would be pretty much the highlight of any day.On the other, I've been her friend that would listen to anything she wanted to talk about for nigh on two years. She talks to me about most stuff fairly quickly, or I can pick up on it. I can't expect her to move me out of the friend's zone. I'm completely, and utterly limerant and I know it.So I ask this, do I risk flirting with her and seeing her reaction? Or am I right by saying I'm just a limerant fool, and that I should leave the relationship as a friendship, else scuttle it beyond hope? I have handled being relationshipless for a long while, and I haven't minded. Yet something about her has put this far above that middle school crush you can't shake, or the first girl that made you feel awkward. I'd really say its the friendship I have with her + the emotional attachment on the next level. All of this in addition to the existing friendship has really put me at a lost for actions.Many thanks in advance for any advice. It was a long read, I know.
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best friend, crush, flirt, immature Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Trent Gear +, writes (4 December 2008):
Trent Gear is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you Patina, that was the kind of advice I was looking for.While advice may have not been the best word to chose, it is more a re-affirmation that she isn't stupid after the relationship is over, one guy pretty much used her, and the other simply said 'its not working' and called it off. She felt pretty bad after both of them, and insecure during them.Either way though I see your point. I'd much rather keep the friendship, though I'm finding it very difficult to maintain that intention.
A
female
reader, samsmommy +, writes (4 December 2008):
 I had that same problem with one of my guy friends. I flirted a little and found out he liked me too. So you never know, try flirting with her a little and see what she does, at first she might not do anything since you said it would be out of character for you, but just flirt a little for a couple days and by her reaction you should pretty much be able to tell if she likes you or not.
Hope I helped!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2008): go for it.
she talks to you about everything.
so talk to her about it, see what she says.
if its good yay!
if she says shes not for it, say, Ok, well alright, now lets go have dinner, and be your random old freind self.
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A
female
reader, petina1  +, writes (4 December 2008):
 You sound like a very good friend and on reading your letter I see in the early stages you would listen to her, then as you go on you had started giving her 'advice' Im not been funny here, but if you havent had many relationships I dont think you should try to give her advice. She sounds like she is snapping because she doesnt like the advice she is hearing, no one wants to be reminded of what a fool they have been when relationships go wrong or re live it all, which is what happens when someone tries to evaluate it. My suggestion to you is to keep doing what you are doing, being a friend and 'listening' to her. I'm sure if she was attracted to you in that way you would have known by now as she hasnt had trouble getting a boyfriend before so she knows the score. I would not push it any further at the moment or you could lose what you have and end up with nothing by pushing her away. She obviously does not feel threatened by you seeing as you sound like her 'confident' at the moment. If you tell her how you feel she may not feel as comfortable with you. It may take time, or it may never happen but in this case I would follow her lead and not do the leading. hope this helps.
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