A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I hooked-up with a guy when I was 20 but he had some sex issues. We messed around tons, but he couldn't get it up. I told my friend (who thought he was hot) and she had sex with him. She claimed that he basiclly raped her. I believed her but was cautious because I knew this guy for a couple years by then and never picked up on anything so violent from him. I fugured the sex was rough. She said there was basiclly no foreplay, just hard sex that she didn't like. I havent heard or seen from this guy in years, until recently that is. I am very attracted to him and feel compelled to him. I'm not sure how to proceed. I can't date a rapist (obviously) but is this a grey area? I don't like to think myself that poor a judge of character.
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (4 December 2008):
If she said stop and he didn't then he is dangerous and you should not go anywhere near him.
If he was just crap in bed but she said nothing, then you may want to take that into account, but he's not a rapist.
Talk to your friend and ask her what happened and what she said to him to make him stop what he was doing.
Either way he doesn't sound very desirable to me.
Good Luck!! xx
A
male
reader, tux  +, writes (4 December 2008):
 He either raped her or didn't.. There is no "he basically raped her." Did she consent to sex or not? Did she say stop at any point, but he continued? There is no really big grey area, that much depends on how it happenned.. But it depends... having rough sex does not equal rape unless the sex was not consented too or if sex was consented to, but later withdrawn once it got too rough.
What you said though I would not call rape... because it's not rape just because you didn't like it.... It's rape if it's not consensual.. Like he forced himself upon her or didn't stop when she told him to. If that's how she explained it, then yes.. it's not basically rape.. it is rape.
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