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male
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anonymous
writes: My ex and I split up in July. We had an upsetting break up when she dumped me for a friend of hers. We went on a break. I suggested it and she was heartbroken. I really upset her. In the break, she got over me and didn't want to risk getting hurt again. Recently however, we've been getting on well. We've been talking a lot on the phone as friends. We've never discussed "us" or anything, but we've just been talking like we used to. I am still heartbroken and I have been trying to ignore it. I just find it hard being normal with her when I feel the way I do. Whenever we talk, there's still something there. I can't explain it, but it feels more than just friendship. My ex was going to come and watch my band on Friday on her own. I was going to drive her home afterwards and I was hoping that I would get the chance to explain to her everything. I was looking forward to seeing her too. In the end, she couldn't make it. I was really upset and I realised at that point that I couldn't block out how I felt. Yesterday, I tried to arrange meeting her during the week. Then I realised I couldn't wait any longer. I sent my ex a text message to say that we shouldn't speak anymore. I told her that I still love her and I've tried to fight it, but I can't help how I feel. I want to be with her. I know we could easily work out our problems if we had the chance. I'm walking away in the hope that either she'll miss me and wonder what I'm up to and/or I'll get over her. I know this will get better, but I still think there's something between us. Will cutting contact make her forget me? Or will it make her wonder about what might have been?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2008): After 2years of dealing with having an on again/off again relationship with my ex, I have decided to cut all ties with him. I was reluctant to do so many times, but after two years of giving chances and recieving drama in return, I can't take it anymore. If I was a timed bomb he has definetly reached that last second. For my sake and his, it's best that we part and never look back. He will no longer be able to call me due to my number change, my family no longer likes him so they won't give out my number. He's blocked from contacting me through IM and email and If he comes over to my house he can leave voluntarily or be escorted by an officer. Either way he is history, my future kids may see him in their text books someday under "poor example of a man", or as a math equation that equals to zero :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2007): I believe that cutting off contact with someone who you've shared a close personal relationship without a discussion is cruel.
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A
reader, communicatrix +, writes (5 September 2005):
 She'll probably have some kind of reaction to the severing of contact, but it's anyone's guess—and largely irrelevant—as to what that will be.
Regarding relationships (unless they're parent-child, and you're the parent), I believe one should take actions because (a) they're what one needs to do to get right with one's own bad self and (b) the best thing to do given all the circumstances. These are the actions it sounds like your ex took post-break; I doubt she "got over" you and decided not to "risk getting hurt again" to elicit some kind of reaction in you.
Take the time and space you need because YOU need it. You can neither predict nor manipulate your ex's response to your move, nor should you. Once you're really and truly past this hurt/attachment/whatever-it-is, you'll actually be in a better position to be in a healthy relationship with her, should you both decide that's the right way to go.
But for now, focus on yourself. That's the only way anything is really going to get better.
Good luck to you!
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A
female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (5 September 2005):
 Honey, I know the pain you feel now,but honestly,cutting all contact will make the hurt subside faster. Yes I know how difficult that is ..really I do.It will be going through drug detox but you need to do it. Whether she will miss you and come back, I don't know. In life and love, these are the chances and risks that we have to take okay
I wish you luck hon, just take it one moment at a time and graduate to days ...smile.
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