A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 8 years, he has two children from a previous marriage. When we first started dating I wasn't sure if I wanted children or marriage. Now I know I do want one (a child) and I would like to get married. I am getting older so I can't wait much longer (on the child). He does not want any more children, or to get married, he won't even talk about it. His ex-wife was terrible and forced him to get married (he was young.I don't know what to do, we have built a life together, bought a house and I love him. Do I just let my other dreams go or do I walk away from this and cross my fingers I will find someone else??
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2009): Basically this is what it comes down to: you want marriage/children and he does not. You need to find someone else that wants what you want, too.
A
male
reader, C. Grant +, writes (15 December 2009):
 People change. You started the relationship on more or less the same level (not wanting new kids), but you've moved on. You love him, perhaps he loves you too. So he needs to talk about it, whether he wants to or not.
Find a counsellor with whom you relate, and bring him in. Find out precisely what his issues are. Maybe you can find out that he's still hung up on what his ex did to him, and can get over it.
If, notwithstanding old issues, he can't bring himself to be a father, then you have to decide whether you can let your clock tick down. A tough decision, for sure.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (14 December 2009):
If you let your dreams of children and a marriage go, in another ten years time you will feel terrible. Sometimes, something more than just love is needed. And this is one of those times. You want a child, and you want marriage. The only way to get that is to leave and build up another relationship. If you don't at least try, you could end up resenting your boyfriend later on in life as the man who took it all away from you. You need to decide what's more important. Him and his dream, or you and your dream.
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