A
female
age
26-29,
*etUp
writes:I haven't fallen in love yet. I'm only sixteen, still a baby, but that doesn't stop me from wanting it so badly.As I walk in the hallways of school, or walk around malls, I cannot help but think, "Will he be in this room?" ; a clean slate, they don't know me and I don't know them.Please believe me when I say, I'm not desperate nor do I need a boyfriend. Please believe me when I say, I just want to know what it feels like, to have someone in which you can be 100% yourself, that will love all your flaws as you love his or hers. I just want to experience something as simple as hugging or cuddling, or holding hands, or being kissed on the cheek. Just simple things that many couples take for granted. Sometimes I want it so badly, I tear up. I become overwhelmed with sensations of loneliness and wanting a lifelong lover, or partner, or mate, and I begin to cry. I just wonder what it feels like.You see, I am a sucker for books, and sappy stories, though I don't like showing it. Both happy endings and tragic endings appeal to me because the characters in stories always feel something nonetheless. Dreaming and imagining is all I have ever known. So I'm terrified that I'll be one of those girls who never falls in love because it hasn't happened yet. I'm also terrified that I'll be one of those girls who falls for anyone just to see if love could be found there.I feel pathetic. I feel like a stupid teenager, worrying about her love life instead of problems that really matter in the world. I try to concern myself with social issues, I try to read the news often, I try to focus on school academically and socially, and I try to help my family out with chores, but no matter what I do, I can never stop thinking about whether I'll ever date or not. At the moment, I don't want to. Not in high school, anyways. I find that the boys at this age are not what I need at all. I need someone... mature, I guess. So I keep telling myself I'll wait until I get into university, but... then I feel like dating in uni is impossible. I just have this gut feeling that it will never happen.I really wish I was asexual, things would be so much simpler, but the cards have already been dealt. In all honesty, I don't think a boy could ever really love me. Not the way I want them to. And then there are days when I'm completely okay with that. It's okay. I can surround myself with the love of friends and family. Don't be so selfish. You already have a blessed life. You don't have to marry. You don't have to date. A boyfriend is unnecessary. I mean, it's not as if an unmarried woman is unheard of. You can be independent. I really feel like this is where my life is headed. A relationship would just cause more problems than it solves, anyways. I don't really... need anyone in that sense.Ah, but there's still that ache I feel at night, at school, on the bus, at home. I still feel incomplete after I finish relieving sexual tension. I'm craving something I don't think I need, and quite frankly, don't think will ever happen.I'm not really sure what my question is. I'm just afraid to date, really. I just want to get it right the first time. I never want to experience a breakup. I'll never get over a boy if I ever get that far. I'll never be able to move on. At the end of the day, loyalty and devotion are my best qualities and they are double-edged swords. I don't want to risk myself to that kind of pain. I really believe that a family's and friends' love is enough. I don't want to be selfish or vulnerable.I guess my question is... how am I supposed to deal with these sensations? I don't know what to do. To date, or not to date? To love, or not to love?If anyone has actually read all of this, thank you. You don't even really have to reply. I just wanted to... get this off my chest and leave it for people to read, maybe see if anyone can offer their two cents, or a few words of wisdom. I'm sorry if I seem like a stupid teenager. I don't mean to.
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female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (1 May 2012):
 I agree with AuntyEm.
OP, I totally understand where you are coming from. I could have written that question, even last year, and I am 28 years old!.
At school, I never got on with boys my age, no one wanted me anyway, the same thing happened at university. I concentrated on my studies, and the boys were not interested in me. I went on a few dates, but nothing serious. I never felt I was attractive, or wanted by men.
Even last year, at the age of 27 I had all but convinced myself that I was destined to be alone forever, and I wasnt the 'dating' type. Men wanted to be my frind, not my partner or lover. I had resigned myself to a life alone.
Now... fast forward to now, and I have met the most amazing man. We just clicked, and now I know what love really feels like. It just felt right, and happened at the right time for ME. We connect on so many levels, and I trust him completely. He really is everything I could ever have dreamed of. I am very much in love with him, and hope to spend the rest of my life with him.
But if you had told me I would meet him, even a year ago, I would have laughed my head off and told you to stop being so silly. I never thought it would ever happen to me.
I know everything seems so bleak and empty, I know how sad and lonely that can feel. It is a deep ache inside. But hang in there, good things are worth waiting for, and you have to keep the dream alive that there is someone out there for you. You just need to live your life and take it one day at a time.
Love happens in mysterious ways, so do not force it, or you could end up with someone totally unsuitable and end up very badly hurt. When you are ready, it will happen in a way that you never imagined.
Chin up sweetheart, you will be loved xxx
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (1 May 2012):
 I am 47.
Love is the most confusing wonderful thing in the world. You cannot seek it out, you cannot second guess it, you cannot over think it...
It just is...and it comes and finds you when you least expect it...this I know to be true.
You can date a million people and never find it...or be alone for years and years and suddenly it turns up and is perfect!!!
Can we know who this will happen to, can we know who it will choose?...Nope we can't.
Should you tell yourself you will never find it?...Nope, because as much as we love to predict the future...nobody on the entire earth knows whats going to happen for sure in the next 5 minutes, let alone the rest of their life.
Should you be scared...yeah a little, also a little excited, also a little indifferent.
Are you going to be what someone else wants?...yep you are, however you are, if you are you...then that is good enough.
The best bit about being young is that it is all still out there...unknown, undiscovered and waiting...and when the time is right...it will happen in some form or another.
Do you have to get it right first time?...hell no!!! You just have to learn from any mistakes and let it begin to help you decide what you want.
You know that what you are feeling...everyone has felt before. It is good that you are so aware, but don't let it rule your life...just know the potential will always be there whether you are 16 or 62!!!
...............................
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