A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I went on a holiday recently and there I found myself attracted to the driver of the car that was escorting us around. Things took a strange turn one evening. It was raining and we were alone by a river. It was bitterly cold and I was shivering. He offered me his coat while holding an umbrella over my head and one thing lead to another and we kissed. The attraction was tremendous and we made out by the riverside. Later, he said he wanted to have sex with me but I refused, even though I was very tempted. Since I was with my family, we could hardly meet or speak in front of them but I always tried to sneak out and spend a few minutes with him. We'd kiss, hold hands and he'd touch me all over. It was a heady feeling and total madness. Later, he told me he was married since the past seven months. Being the total bastard that I am, I still kept meeting him and we kept up the physical contact, even though I was hurting inside. He kept asking me to sleep with him but I refused. He kept making plans of how we'd keep in touch and meet up some months, or maybe even a year later. Then he said he loved me. All this happened within a few days and I was stunned and confused most of the time. On the day we left the place to come back home, I kept crying ceaselessly because I didn't want to be away from him. I know it's only a sex-thing for him but I don't know why I have been thinking about him all the time and missing him. Now he keeps calling me up and kissing me on the phone. I don't know where this is going. It can't go anywhere. Besides, we hardly have anything to talk about. He's never been to school, doesn't speak my language properly and is really feudal and coarse in so many ways. The class and cultural/social differences are tremendous. He's a driver who used to be a sheep-herder in a remote hamlet while I'm a laywyer in a big city. I know this has no future and I don't know what he wants. More than anything else, I know I have behaved badly and that hurts my conscience all the time. But he seems to be unperturbed by the moral aspect of the whole situation and tells me not to think too much. What should I do?
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escort, kissing, married man, on holiday Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2012): Hi,
You did the right thing by cutting contact with him. Now please BURN ALL OF HIS PICTURES YOU HAVE. Don't keep the things or pictures that reminds you of him. He is NOT worth it. He is married, and its wrong to think such way. I know you are strongly attracted but you are just hurting yourself if you keep looking at his photographs. BURN IT you will feel better. Time is the best healer, you will get over it. :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have stopped taking his calls but I obsessively look at his photographs and miss him so much. I just can't stop crying. I'm such a fool, really. I hope this pain ends soon. I can hardly bear it anymore.
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A
female
reader, daniellexxxx  +, writes (1 May 2012):
 You have to forget him he is married and let's face it only after one thing (sex)..
You have more respect for yourself than that I think to be used by a married man for his kicks.. Yes you have a attraction but keep it at that..
You don't know enough about him or who he is..
Stop the contact and move on you will get over it :)
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A
female
reader, daniellexxxx +, writes (1 May 2012):
You have to forget him he is married and let's face it only after one thing (sex)..
You have more respect for yourself than that I think to be used by a married man for his kicks.. Yes you have a attraction but keep it at that..
You don't know enough about him or who he is..
Stop the contact and move on you will get over it :)
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A
male
reader, JALOVER  +, writes (1 May 2012):
Hi Anonimus girl
I can understand physical attraction, but beliveve me, it will pass. Think about it: what would it happen once you get what you want and have an encounter with him? What will it be when the clothes are back on? Try to feel the taste of it.
After reading your story, I think you already have the answer.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question"go get a hiv test done urgently"We did not have sex. We only kissed, hugged and touched/caressed each other. So there is very little chance of an STD. "so he is coarse, with no morals or thoughts that he was married BUT SURELY THE SAME CAN BE SAID FOR YOU AS WELL......"Of course. Which is why I referred to myself as a 'bastard'. I am not blaming him. I am blaming myself. But the fact remains that he told me he was married only after we had already got intimate. "Would you actually travel to meet this man?"I initially felt tempted to do just that. In fact, he wants to travel to meet me. But it will only lead to more pain and heartbreak for me, though perhaps not for him. What's worse is that today he told me that a few moments before we kissed for the first time, his wife had called to tell him that she'd had a miscarriage. If he doesn't care about her, he has no reason to care for me. I am so drawn to him that my sense of morality seems to be deserting me. You won't believe me if I tell you that I am not the casual sex type and even though I'm 28, I've had only a few serious relationships, and never had a one-night stand or a fling. I just don't know what's got into me. I don't even like the way he talks about sex, it grosses me out a bit...yet I'm like a fly walking into a spider's parlour, fascinated, unable to turn and walk away from certain death. Thank you, all of you. I wish I find the strength to tell him not to call me. I have been crying ever since I returned and I've not slept a wink since three days. I just want the courage to do the right thing and to forget him. And to stop thinking in terms of " what if...".
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (1 May 2012):
This has no future for one simple reason: he isn’t available. Remember that this started before you discovered he was married, and I’m sure that if he’s a cheat, he’ll cheat with some-one else anyway. What you’re really missing is fleeting excitement that was probably only possible because of the particular situation you were in at the time. Would you actually travel to meet this man? It’s pointless to miss something that, in the real world, outside of a holiday situation, is never going to happen.
Of course he’s going to tell you not to think too much about the moral implications of what you’re doing, when he’s getting what he wants. However, now you know his marital status, if you continue to have contact with him you’re knowingly enabling him to cheat on his wife, and for what? Something of which you admit there is no future. You’re only going to feel more and more guilty the longer this goes on, and become more and more consumed by a fantasy. Tell him you want to cut all contact and to concentrate on his marriage, and that there’s no future, be it a relationship or something casual, between you. Then don’t take his calls any more and concentrate on getting on with your life. In time you will move on from this.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2012): what should you do?
go get a hiv test done urgently.
woman, you are educated. do you want a few moments of lust to ruin your life.
what dont you get?
- that he is MARRIED
- that you were just a cheap thrill for him
- he is a taxi driver for crying out loud. im sure he doesnt even own this business himself. of course he took what you offered. which sane man, wouldnt?
- what do you expect to have happen now: that he will take you as his second wife? or that you slog and provide for him and his wife, and his extended family. ouch girl, even you should know that this is what will happen.
so he is coarse, with no morals or thoughts that he was married BUT SURELY THE SAME CAN BE SAID FOR YOU AS WELL......
Girl, get to a medical practitioner and get a few tests done.
LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2012): This was just a physical thing, and you know that.firstly,you've done something very wrong on your part.He is married and you have taken part in supporting a cheater.how woul you like your husband to be doing that behind your back?
7 months..he doesn't even have reasons to stop loving his wife and he has.just because he saw a pretty successful ,city bred girl like you his hormones raged and he gave in.he used you and you have used him too. thats where it ends.you know you don't want to marry him and he knows he doesn't want to marry you. even if he does,he will never be faithful to you. if he could love you then he might as well have loved his wife. you'll always be the other woman.this man can make it look like you are his world..just so that he can have sex with you.trust me, even if you died..it would just mean less variety of sex for him.and since you are better off ,he may also begin to extort money from you by making you feel sorry for him.sex and love mean different completely different for men. he can love his wife, not love you,but still have sex with you.this relationship is like a road with a dead end honey. it's meaningless has no destination, but if you wish to not reach anywhere and just be in it then its your call. but personally ,i feel that this is morally very very wrong,as he is married, secondly i think you lack the love of a man in life,and seem to be strongly pulled into whatever is coming your way. you have to control and tackle that. at 26-29 you are mature enough to get out of this and find a real relationship with a man who can love you back sweetie.life has a lot more to offer than immoral sex . you clearly are developing feelings for this guy,which is obviously not going to be returned.
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