A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Wow, this porn issue is huge and obviously we women are bothered a lot by it.But there are women out there who AREN'T, and it is to these impressive women that I go to for advice:Why aren't you bothered by it, and what can you suggest to help us get over it? Is it because you secure in your looks even though you may not look like a porn star? Are you confident enough and secure in your own right that it doesn't really matter what your boyfriend thinks as long as you both are happy? Are you bi-sexual and enjoy watching other women as well? And what do you think are "healthy" viewing habits - is it okay for your mates to watch porn while you're in the home and available, or when you're away, and would it bother you if it became excessive?Thank you for your advice!
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female
reader, [email address blocked] +, writes (3 August 2007):
well depending on what kind of porn it is, it could be sending a signlesbian porn-he is like most guys and for some reason enjoys watching lesbiansgay-maybe he is gayor straight-he doesn't really know any moves and wants to impress you by learning more, which he could always look up on scientific sites, porn is actually illegal to sell, so watch out for that
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2007): I dont know if there is really any advice someone else can give you to make you feel a different way.
Porn in and of itself doesnt bother me because I am confident in my own sensuality and ability to please my boyfriend. Now there can still be bad situations with porn, I knew a man who preferred porn to his wife, that obviously indicates a problem much bigger than porn.
If its something he watches when hes bored, when you arent around, or even somehting you use together to enhance your play as a couple, then its normal and I consider healthy as well.
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A
female
reader, ShortOne21 +, writes (27 July 2007):
 Everyone's differant. Some people girls & guys can just use their imagination others prefer a visual.
my boyfriend & I have been together 2 years and him watching porn doesn't bother me at all. Back when we first started dated he had a LOT on his computer but maybe that's because his ex girlfriend that he had dated lived about 3 hours away.. ever since we got together I think there might be one site on there.
Most women feel like they are being cheated on. But really, it's natural as long as a guy has a penis.. he will use it. As long as he's only using it on you and to get off I don't see the problem.
Guys like to see what else is out there not only that i've heard they learn ideas- they are happy and love you but being a guy they want to look. If my boyfriend sees a cute girl in person his head turns.. infact we check out girls together. I wouldnt consider myself Bi at all i'm just completely comfortable with my sexuality and myself.
My boyfriend & I don't live together but we plan to within a year.. and even though we will be living together if he was to look at porn because I feel asleep or wasn't in the mood it wouldn't irritate me at all. I've seen lots of porn in my time, it's quite interesting- I've learned a lot.
I think it's an insecurity issue with women or a trust issue with their man..
I personally think my boyfriend looks at distastful porn I told him he should look at something way prettier than what he does.. but he claims the good shit you have to buy and that he won't do. and most guys go for body type when they watch it who really cares about the girls face.. if she's got a cute body they can get it up and even if the girl is pretty or ugly.. it's the thrill they get.
personally I get off.. and I enjoy it greatly I don't have to use porn I can use my imagination.. but I know the exact parts to touch and to tease myself, it's fun and healthy.
but to get over it.. I suggest just talk to him about it. My boyfriend & I are very open about everything. he knows I get off, I know he gets off. and we still have some amazing sex.
Although once he found out i've watched porn and like to get off he kind of got this weird.. sort of jealous look on his face, I didn't ask why he just kind of gave me a look and said "really?" I didn't think he expected that and it made me chuckle.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2007): Man are very visual... So when a woman can get turned on by reading something erotic or even just thinking erotic thoughts, men are more responsive to things they watch.
Most men watch porn featuring porn stars because it has the effect of turning them on. Many would much prefer to watch a film of their own partner, but they don't happen to have videos of her that they can watch when she's not around... Also, porn is about fantasy, and often men (and women) fantasise about things that they wouldn't actually do. So even if your partner had a film of the two of you to watch - he would quite possibly seek the fantasy of watching other films of things that you would never do together.
I personally feel reassured that my boyfriend has an interest in porn. We have great fun watching it together - although what turns each of us on is quite different!
My only concern is that when I met him, he had learned most of his 'technique' from watching porn. I've had to teach him that porn films are made to look good to men - and not to actually pleasure the woman starring in the film... So he's stopped holding my hips and bouncing me up and down on him as fast as he can, and has begun to think a little more about what actually feels good for us both!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2007): hi there. i thought i could add my opinion.
i personally have no trouble with my boyfriend watching porn because, whether i like it or not, he WILL do it. it's in a mans nature to want to see naked, almost unrealistic women. this may help you: i came to this conclusion when i was wondering why he wants to look at porn, and not always at me. but i had a revelation. it's not that he doesnt want to look at me. men hav certain needs that need to be fulfilled, even if we dont understand them. it's the classic difference of sexes. like us women (as a generalisation) need talking and compassion, men in the same way need to be stimulated by pornography. just because he watches/reads porn doesnt mean he loves you any less. just like if you want to talk 2 a close friend and not him, it doesnt mean you love him any less.
hope i've helped someone out there.
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A
female
reader, sexiestgirlalive18 +, writes (12 July 2007):
 Well I dont know if you want my advice or not but here it goes. My boyfriend watches for and it dont bug me. If he wants to watch it is ok because I know he is with me and he is happy but he is just looking for a way to jack off when I dont want to do it for him or if I dont want sex. I watch porn with him. Lately it has been getting boring becuase we watch the same stuff over and over. If he gets porn movies sit there with him and watch it. It might help you understand why he does it or you might starting doing it. It all depends on the person and if you like to watch porn or not. To me I love watching porn sometimes the best porn is girls on girls. I like to watch it because it gives you ideas of positions and other stuff you can do with your partner so porn is not that bad. Try it and see how it goes.
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A
female
reader, penta +, writes (11 July 2007):
 My husband likes to look. It harms nothing and no one; certainly it doesn't harm me. He mostly does it when I'm either not there or asleep, though occasionally he likes to have sex to it. (I can't see without my glasses, which I usually don't wear during sex, so it doesn't bother me at all, lol.) And other times I just find porn laugh-out-loud funny. He's not into any of the disgusting stuff (kiddie, snuff, etc.) so it's really harmless.
There are some things that he'd like to do in real life that I really don't want to do (shave "down there" into the racing stripe, for example, spunk in the face, or the girl-on-girl stuff) so why not let him have the fantasy? It's a release to me ('cause I don't have to do what I'm not comfortable doing) and it makes him happy. Win win!
I've tried to watch it with him; it's mostly not my thing. Though when we've found some erotic stuff with an actual PLOT (it does exist) I've enjoyed that very much. And on those nights when I'm really too tired, he can have the release while I get to sleep, lol.
I am confident in my marriage that I am the only person he wants to actually be with. Fantasy IS NOT reality, and it's harmless. So why not?
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (11 July 2007):
 I take notice of all this :-). I've been doing a lot of the answering myself.
Poster, would you want to discuss this issue with me, one on one? I think you have more pending issues. And, this is interesting.
Take care,
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A
female
reader, kit_e_kat  +, writes (11 July 2007):
 I may not be the girl your looking for to answer your question cos i would get jealous if my boyfriend went back to his old ways of buying porn magazines etc. Yet when we started becoming an item he did'nt feel the need to see it anymore. It's only natural that we are concerned our boyfriend is finding ways of 'getting himself off' from looking at other nude women and in actual fact if he was surrounded by these women he would be going to a bathroom to get himself off on nude pictures of you. But the fact is he is a man, i don't know how long you have been in a relationship but from what most of my friends have told me about their boyfriend in relation to porn it just seems to leave their brains after a while. The truth is men need to ejaculate at least twice a day or they'll just get turned on for no reason at something completely random. If your worried about your boyfriend watching porn tell him you feel uncomfortable and find a fun way to make your own. Buy some sexy lingerie dress up and take some pictures, you could make this a fun suprise for him or a pleasurable activity for you both. Either way porn is just a mans way of helping him get through the required times he needs to ejaculate, so why don't you help him by supplying the pictures you want him to see instead of the ones he buys from a magazine stand.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (11 July 2007):
 Hi,
My boyfriend was obsessed at one time, but this seems to have worn off. I think the fact I never really minded him watching it, kind of killed it off for him. Does this make sence?
We do watch it now and then, but its quite rare. When we do though, it turns us both on.
I dont see it as a threat, they are models from the sex industry. The same as I have never understood why women try so hard to be thin and are willing to starve, just to look like a model from a magazine.
I wouldnt say I was confidant with my body, far from it. I even hide it from him, which he thinks is stupid.
But I am an easy-going and out-going person. I try not to take things to serious.
And anyway, he is hardly going to run off with one. He would be totally insecure.
I think its about your relationship, and how you react to each other that makes it either work for you or not
XXX
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2007): I used to be one of these women until I became educated about the issue...believe me I certainly was not impressive simply because of my ignorance
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A
female
reader, love-him +, writes (11 July 2007):
 Hi babe, i enjoy watching porn with my boyfriend as i know he enjoys it. I dont find it a problem as i know it just turns us on, but even without it, i turn him on more, so i guess im secure, not in my looks, but i trust my boyfriend and to be honest i know he isnt realy going to run off with a porn star. I hope i helped you babe, Mail me if you would like to talk x x
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (11 July 2007):
 Ok i'm cool with porn and my husband watching it, and the resaons why are because;
1; it's just a film, so ok it's not like your average film but they are not forced to do it and they get paid for it.
2; i find it can be a great turn on to watch it together ( not that we need any help) and it can give you ideas of new things to try.
3; i certainly don't look like any porn star, but i am secure in my body so it does not bother me even if my husband watches it.
4; if it is not kept secret from you then i personally don't see the harm in it it's just a bit of fun.
5; my husband has some clips on his phone and watches it when i am not around, but then when he does see me, WOW.
Take care.xx.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2007): Ok I have a few points why I'm fine with it.
I've watched porn with my b/f and he likes to show stuff to me.
It gives us ideas and such. Also I like the idea of getting him to moan louder than the porn playing at the same time :-)
He's with me. There clearly has to be something about me that he likes or he wouldn't be with me. My b/f isn't the sort of person to associate with anyone unless he genuwine wants to be around them.
I watch and look at other men and have my own personal thoughs. so if i can then why can't he. that would be unfair.
He's human and male and more importantly this would be taking away a right of his and restricting him if i said no porn. That would be like my b/f telling me that i can't do something or watch something or be whoever i want to be. It would be suffocating and anyone who tells you that you can't have something when you have every right to deserves the flick.
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