A
female
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anonymous
writes:To All The Men: How does a woman keep your interest over the long haul of a loving relationship? What do you look for in a mate, what will keep you from straying to a younger woman who gives you some attention? What will make you want to be steadfast and committed to one woman for years and years?..... Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (16 October 2007):
 Hey Anon Female,
You said: im so glad that im a woman,we seem to know who are the faithful ones,players and users and well mine cant be trusted and i give him everything frank has mentioned.
Before you discredit my research and proven methods I want you to consider two things based on your post. The first is that if you that good a judge of character, then either you chose someone that you knew was bad, or you are not that good a judge of character as you think.
Second, if you did everything on my list, yet he still broke faith with you, then you obivously missed something on the list that you did not know he needed. THAT is how confident I am about my life's work.
-Frank B Kermit
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2007): im so glad that im a woman,we seem to know who are the faithful ones,players and users and well mine cant be trusted and i give him everything frank has mentioned
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2007): Its a two way thing. It shouldnt be all about how YOU can stop his wandering eye. If this is the case you are attached to the wrong person.
What is important is that you really like each other as people to start with. Secondly, it is natural after a year of two for the nightly sex sessions to die down to a couple a week or whatever. To boost sexual drive buy a lingerie magazine , take it to bed with you and ask him what his favourite outfits are. Lingerie can make all the difference, it allows a bit of role playing and in a committed relationship you can be anyone you want - the whore who needs a good servicing, the frigid girl who needs a real man to set her off - whatever, we guys are always open to a bit of flattery.
But I still say, it should always be a two way thing, your partner needs to know what turns YOU on. If he is not interested then you will end up with the same type of man again and again i.e. a man who wants everything done his way ( these are the types of men with the wandering eye always on the lookout for their next victim ).
Beauty is attractive to all men, but there is a difference between having a discreet look at a pretty girl and leering.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (4 October 2007):
Address our top ten emotional needs and you have us committed. THe specificis are different for each man, but the categories are the same:
A man will either see you as his ally or enemy. It will be based on how well you address the following emotional needs of men:
1-Protect our reputations to make us attractive to other women
2-Give us our space, we need quiet time to recharge
3-Prove to us you can "mind the store" if we are ever stuck or incapcitated
4-Compliance. We do not want blind obidence. We want compliance when we lead the relationship. Unnecessary challenges to male dominance is the beginning of the rovering eye.
5-Nuture of his social-personal environment. (Can you support his lifestyle, children,home, etc...whatever that may be)
6-Be the Secret Keeper. Part of the male fantasy of the great mythical mistress.
7-Put Us First (if you side with your friends against him, you lose him)
8-Sex. Give him the sex he desires and he is a LOT less likely to seek it elsewhere.
9-Penis Identity. So much of a man's hidden identity and self image is tied to how he feels about his penis. This goes as far as the paternaty issues with his children.
10-A man seeks feminity which is 1/3 Attractiveness (Arousal), 1/3 Appreciation (make him feel useful), and 1/3 Courteousness (giving). That challenge here is being courteous without turning into his mother which ironically violates HER emotional needs, but not usually on his rader.
-Frank B Kermit, author of the books "I'm a Man, That's My Job" and "Everything Out Of Her Mouth is a Test" that discuss the emotional needs of men and women.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2007): I wish my wife would ask this question.. I would say that the number one thing to keep him interested in you is to be supportive of him, don't try to change him and, I think most important, be a friend to him. Make him feel like he can tell you anything and everything and he will tell you anything and everything. My wife is a total bitch and I can't stand her. She constantly sides against me in everything and is always criticizing me so I don't tell her shit becuase it is not worth the headache... Be true and loving and a friend to him and everything will be great
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (3 October 2007):
 You know there's a reason you can't run to the book store and buy a manual on a fail safe way to have a relationship. These questions are good ones, but the answers would depend on the individuals in the relationship.
First the biggest thing is to know yourself. You can't figure out who you want to be with unless you know who you are. Keeping from straying comes from two different areas. Knowing yourself, which helps you to define who you're looking for, and respect. Respecting yourself, the relationship and the person you're with. The last question would be a result of completing the other ones.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2007): I'm not sure what order these would be in, but I'll give my thoughts a go:
- Continuing love and affection.
- Having common interests and doing things together. My wife and I are also best friends. We have changed some of our interests over the years to accommodate the other. We continually try to find new things to do together. Just going for a 1 or 2 hour walk together is great. We do it several times a week.
- A continued good sex life. When the sex falls into the same routine, we try variations, like positions or toys (vibrators, etc).
- Continue to make up after arguments. Making up can consist of hugging and cuddling, or sometimes just an arm on the shoulder or a kiss. If the argument is over a relationship misunderstanding then it may also consist of some crying together and maybe sex.
- If you notice something different in your partners attitude or perceived feelings, talk about it. My wife and I have failed to do this in the past and it sometimes cost us a few weeks of our usual closeness.
- Did I say continued love and affection. I'm not thinking about sex here, but things like hand holding, kissing, hugging and cuddling. My wife likes to lay her head on my shoulder in bed. We had gotten away from that for too many years. We just relearned how great that used to be to just lay there like that. No sex, just a feeling of "I love you". This is really number 1 on the list.
I'll probably think of other things later, but this is a start as far as I am concerned.
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