A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm feeling so worn out by my father. He calls often, to carry on endless monologues and talk about himself, or his concerns. He barely knows what goes on in my life, because he doesn't ask, and he doesn't really care to know. On several occasions I have tried to have an open conversation with him, answering him quite frankly about what goes on in my life as an attempt to include him. But when I do this he has actually cut me off mid-sentence, to carry on about himself once more. He carries on monologues for a minimum of 20 minutes each time he calls, or up to an hour. Usually when it borders on 40 minutes I try to cut him off because it is so tiresome to have to listen to his complaints about everything. He mainly calls to complain about things. I feel like his therapist. And it is draining me completely. He calls often. On the "good" days he calls maybe once a week. But he has periods where he will call me every other day, or every third day. He calls and complains to me about how no one else seems interested in talking to him, and how rude THEY are for not talking to him, and how THEY should call him once in a while to ask him how he is and what he does and how unfair he feels it is that only he does all the "reaching out" as he calls it. He says he's our father, we should talk to him more often (I do, but my siblings don't, and he complains about it to me, the only one who actually cares to pick up the phone when he calls!). If I do not answer the phone he bitches to me about it, or calls endlessly for days and weeks until I pick it up. Last time he called about 3-5 times a day while I was at work because I didn't pick up the first couple of times he called. He then gets offended if he is not informed about what happens in everyone else's life. He gets offended if my OTHER siblings didn't tell him something, and then takes it out on me, complaining yet again. Because of this I try to keep him informed about what goes on with me, so that he doesn't get offended that I didn't tell him (I don't rat out my siblings, I do not want to act as my dad's spy). Then he just criticize me and my decisions. When I bought a car he just went "Can you afford that, now?" as if I shouldn't be able to afford it. Same thing when I told him Im going on vacation, he just makes a snide comment about how I can afford that, and where I got the money to do that... He also gets into my business about who I date, even though the man barely knows me any longer and never actually shows any interest in what I do. He doesn't even know what education I have gotten even though I've studied in the same field for 7 years. I'm just so bloody tired, but what good will it do to not pick up the phone? That only results in phone harassment and him calling me from 7 AM to 1 AM in an attempt to get my attention. He's told me he possibly has Aspergers. Not diagnosed though as far as I know. He's also told me he's been diagnosed with bipolar personality disorder. I'm sorry this is so long, but thanks for reading. They say it helps to write things out.
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (27 April 2012):
 I think you should have a talk with your father about this. Tell him that while you do care about him because he's your father, his behavior is taking a toll on you. You are not his therapist, you cannot help him in any way and by calling you and complaining in this way, he is just adding you your problems. Its almost as if you are being made to pay for being nice to him! You are the only one who is decent enough to talk to him and endure him so he's making you suffer!
Maybe he will understand and stop bothering you if you talk to him directly about this.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2012): Stop picking up the phone, stop returning his calls, and if you do happen to be on the phone with him, end the conversation after, say, 15 minutes by saying you really have to get going, apologize politely for that, and then hang up. Expect him to get really angry. There's just no way around that. Your goal shouldn't be to avoid his anger. It should be to establish new boundaries for yourself. And yes he will be definitely be angry that you're having the nerve to want boundaries, how dare you! But that's not the point again. let him rant and rave and get angry and offended as much as he will, and you will simply ignore that. Whenever he has a moment where he's not angry or upset at you or anyone else, then respond positively to that. it will take a long time, but you should do it. You just need to let go of any expectation of avoiding him getting angry at you. Fully expect him to be mad that you're pulling away from him for your own good, because he's so selfish of course he'll get mad. but he has to be shown that his selfish behavior is not going to be tolerated anymore so he can choose to rant and get offended, or he can get with the new program and maybe get some time with you every once in a while.who knows, when he stops being able to treat you like his therapist, then he might actually pay the money to go see a real one!
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (26 April 2012):
 Are you wanting him completely out of your life? If you do then change your number. If not then I think you need to tell him how you feel. Have you actually told him you are tired of him complaining and always talking about himself. You just need to face it head on and talk to him about it all and tell him he needs to change. It's for the best before he drives you crazy, good luck.
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