A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupid,Me and my boyfriend have beeb together for 1 year and he is the love of my life. Hes my best friend and true love all in one. But latly we have been having problems. I geuss. He says im to clingy and annoying, even emmbaresing :(... But he is not affectionet all. And he can be very mean sometimes... But last night we went out (hes in a band and he had a show, we stayed for every band though) and during the time when he wasnt playing,i tryyed to stay calm, and not clingy, he treated me so good... And at one point last night i put my arms around him...and he let me, and we stayed like that for 30 mins!!! I felt like i was dreaming...all im asking is, should i compleatly stop being affectionet...so he wont think im annoying? Is there any good tips to not be "clingy"? Thanks sooo much3
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female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (15 January 2012):
 Your b/f is not used to or does not like alot of affection nor does he strike me as the type who gives it either. This is not a sign of being clingy it's a difference in how much affection each of you want/need. Now granted girls who are clingy in other ways do tend to need to hang onto their men physically to show other women "He's mine!" and so he may accuse you of being clingy, especially if you don't show him that much attention when your alone but you really pour it on when in public because in a sense you are marking your territory. The fact that he's in a band probably makes you feel a little threatened because musicians tend to attract groupies and that's a relationship killer if not handled carefully. I suggest you have other friends and find time to do things with people other than him 100% of the time. When you are together try not to constantly hang all over him. Smart women know this is a sign of insecurity so it usually backfires on you in the long run. If he seems open to a little affection keep it simple, like holding his hand, or rubbing his arm without going overboard. Make sure he reciprocates because this is also what other women watch when you're together. It doesn't take long for them to see the affection is one-sided.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2012): Tyed and Honesty are right OP. There's nothing worse (well there is technically) than a girl who makes turns the phrase "you are my world" into a physical reality. It's sweet as words and a sentiment but it's not practical OP. We want to share your life not be your life, so always make sure you have a life worth sharing. Being together all the time and needing to be in constant contact can be smothering. You have to a life outside of the relationship too and you have to let him have his.
As was suggested ask him about it one thing they didn't mention though is if you want honesty be prepared for it not to be pleasant to hear. But please try not to over react either. I've had clingy girlfriends before and they're so over-invested emotionally that even the slightest constructive criticism is like tearing their world apart and they get crushed. Even the tiniest little thing can set off a flood of tears and that then makes us afraid to talk about things like this with them. Try not to be that kind of girl.
He may be great OP but he's not the only good thing in your life and your life would go on and be great without him in it too if it had to, so try and remember that.
Just chill, start exploring life and doing new things.
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A
female
reader, Tyedyedturtle +, writes (15 January 2012):
 Clingy is when you can't be independent, but rather must always be with or in communication with your boyfriend at all times, without a life of your own. Sounds to me like you are just wanting to be affectionate. Everyone has a different level of PDA and affection that they enjoy and don't. You have to ask and find out what this is for your boyfriend, but being affectionate is NOT being clingy. If you want to express your love by an occasional embrace or kiss, that is totally healthy and acceptable. If he doesn't want any affection, there is likely a reason. You need to ask and evaluate whether you want to be in an affectionless relationship.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 January 2012):
 Being affectionate does not mean that you are being clingy. Clingy means when you text and call all the time, demand all of his attention and question everything that he does. Being affectionate is normal in a relationship. So I think you need to talk to him and get things straight. Ask him to explain to you what he feels is going wrong in the relationship so that you can try and put it right. Also tell him how his behaviour makes you feel and ask him to try and show you more affection. You both just need to sit down and talk about this, be open and honest and see how you can both fix things.
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