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female
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anonymous
writes: Recently this year I was involved with a guy who had a long-term girlfriend. He was my perfect guy and I was convinced throughout that they were going to break up and he was going to want me to be his girlfriend. Of course, I was fooling myself - because he loved her and I was just being used and for a long time I was very depressed. We went home from university 5 months ago and stopped all communication, but term started again recently, and knowing I'm going to see him around has made me really want him back! I can't stop thinking about it. I compare every guy to him, and I want to talk to him and spend time with him. He's still with his girlfriend and that upsets me. More than anything, I'm desperate for him to have some sort of respect for me (i.e. not think i'm just the idiot he almost lost his girlfriend over).Why am I wasting my time thinking about him, and how can I get over him? I thought time would heal this, but it's only made it worse.
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male
reader, tallbloke +, writes (16 February 2007):
I do think this is an egotistical thing. I mean, the guy is obviously a complete arsehole. How would you feel if he was your partner & he was sleeping with someone else? Because if you won him over and he did go out with you, that's exactly what he would do!
Your ego is fighting tooth and nail to satisfy itself and fears that if you don't get this man then you're doomed. This is a fantasy your mind has dreamt up to make you fight & fight to get what it wants. The reality is that there are far better men out there for you who WON'T cheat on you.
Get over your ego, recognise it for what it is! You should read a book called 'The Power of Now' by Ekhart Tolle. It explains a lot about the human condition.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2006): Gosh... i thought i was the only one. I so know how you feel. I have been seeing a guy for a year and he has a long term girlfriend and i also thought he would leave her. But he hasnt. We recently ended it and its so painful for me. I dont know about you but i think that these guys can not love their girlfriends if they are able to cheat not only on a one off but for a long period. However, these men are just selfish and weak and will happily plod along with a secure relationship even tho they are not being true to themselves.It is so hard when you really like someone not to think about them and want them and its going to be hard seeing him again when you are back at uni. My guy works with me every day so believe me when i tell you its not going to be easy.But you have to move on and be happy and busy yourself with other people and other things. a lot of these situations is about feelig rejected and wanting to win him for yourself for your self esteem. If he left her do you think you would want him as much? would it be as good as you think.. and would you trust him.to make yourself stronger you have to try and not think about him, you have to be unobtainable to him.. dont let him entice you again. That way he will hate teh lack of attention and it will bruise his ego that you dont want him. that will make you stronger, and if he genuinely wants you.. not having you wil make him realise and maybe he will leave his girlfriend.For now move on.. you are staring a fresh term at uni- who knows what yummy guys might be around. good luck xxxx
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