A
female
age
36-40,
*osycheeks
writes:Hi,I'm wondering how you strike a good balance of sharing space and friends with your partner. I've been with my boyfriend about 9 months. I don't really mind inviting him out when its a group of people, and its an easy get together. I feel like I have a good balance of friends time and boyfriend time, and mixing the two. Although I have a lot of one on one friends time. So not really a time to invite him. He's not questioned it so I guess I'm doing ok.However I just wonder about him, he has a lot of female buddies, some he meets one to one, but hasn't for ages, because they've been busy or vice versa I guess.. And the there's another 2 separate groups of girls, which he meets up with frequently. And this is usually with one or two other guys. But sometimes he invites me sometimes he doesnt. When he doesnt he does sometimes give me a reason, sometimes not, although I should've asked at the time. The last time I did, I'd actually misheard/misinterpreted that I wasn't invited. And I said sorry for questioning it.But I guess what brought my question up in my mind was what he said today. we were discussing what we are doing this weekend, I said im free this weekend. he said he is lets spend it together, except Sunday, hes meeting one of the gangs, they havent seen eachother for about a month, (which is a long time for them) he said i can invite you, but i didnt think anyone else was bringing a partner, until his friend asked him if he was bringing me, he said no because i thought we were having a big catch up, why, have you invited your girlfriend, and his friend said yeah i did i thought it would be good for her to meet them. (ive met the gang a couple of times) so my bf said to me- so on that basis youre invited of course but youre not keen on the other gf, so you prob won't want to come anyway. I'm fine to let him have his catch up, on the basis he he hasnt seem them for a while, I just wasnt so keen on the reasoning. but at least he gave me a somewhat reason? Or am I over thinking it? I'm of the thought, if you want me there have me there, rather than thinking what he thinks the group will or wont like. It sounded like he didnt want me there, but knows if i found out the other gf was there, I'd obviously find it fishy.I find it hard knowing when to stand my ground and when to know push back and question. I'm not completely secure yet to trust him with all the girls, hes given me no reason not to, but I don't really understand what his relationships with them are about. or why he is so protective over them/ has to make sure they meet so regularly. When the girls get boyfriends, I know for sure they won't demand so much of the boys time. I guess I'm worried if its flirtatious and he doesn't want me to see. But they have said on meeting me hes really happy and theyve heard lots about me. Is it jealousy? should I keep my mouth shtum? and sit back and watch until I definitely have a reason to question? (if it arises) I'd hate him to think what he does isn't good enough because he does try hard with us.I feel very up and down about if I can trust him or not, sometimes when im with his female friends, i feel uneasy when i'm left for a long time, or im standing there while they have an indepth conversation, usually a drunken rant convo type. But when I get that twinge in my stomach I wonder why I feel it, and think negatively. But i've never had reason to not trust him. He has once drunkenly said he loves me. But I cannot say it to him until I know I can trust him without the up and down trust thing. and until he is more intimate with me and confides in me. (Hes very guarded - as am i to an extent, i try to share stuff, but he doesnt reciprocate stories to match)
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female
reader, rosycheeks +, writes (20 March 2012):
rosycheeks is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks k_c100 - I guess i'm looking for reassurance. and im glad you answered what you did.
it was reassurance. Hence I spoke out loud on here before I let my thoughts spiral and say something stupid to him.
I accept I might be a bit of a jealous person. But im checking on here to see if jealousy is clouding my judgement.
You sounded quite telly offy though. All I am doing is checking my thoughts to make sure i don't upset our relationship for a stupid reason.
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (20 March 2012):
 God you are really over-thinking this. He is giving you a perfectly good reason and you are just picking at nothing, you really need to work on your trust issues because this is bordering on obessive.
At the end of the day he was going out with a group of friends, and didnt think you would want to go if you would be the only partner there. I know I wouldnt want to go out with my boyfriend's friends if none of them had their partners with them!
So when the friend said he was bringing his girlfriend, he then thought he would invite you. That is what 99% of the population would do - nothing weird about it!
If you are having a catch up with a group of friends you havent seen in a while you dont really want your partner there, because as much as you love your partner and enjoy being with them you do act a little differently around your partner compared to if you were alone with your friends. That was all he will have been thinking - it was going to be a big catch up with the gang and he didnt expect anyone to invite partners along.
So in a way, yes he didnt want you there because he thought it was going to be a friends only catch up. But when he found out that was not the case and partners were coming, he was more than happy to invite you along.
I do the same thing with my boyfriend all the time - if I'm catching up with my friends I go out without him, because I dont want my time with my friends compromised by my boyfriend. As much as I love him, he doesnt know my friends all that well so you feel constantly aware of him having a good time, making sure he is talking to other people....etc. If my friends are taking their partners, then I take my boyfriend, so he has other people to talk to while I can talk to my friends.
Simple as that.
I honestly dont think you have anything to say to him really, there is no problem here and he is acting like anyone else would. Yes he has female friends, but I'm sure you knew that early on in the relationship, so if you were not comfortable with that then you shouldnt have gotten involved. If you are unable to trust men and dont like your partner to have female friends then you need to find a man who meets these criteria, rather than acting like this with a guy who has done nothing wrong.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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