A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello,My husband and I had a threesome with my best friend the other evening. I wasn't exactly into it and I told him but he kept insisting and finally when we were all watching tv he made the move. I wasn't exactly expecting him too but I thought ok, I can do this, we've been together for many years with our share of problems but we have always worked through them. This girl lived with us for a long time and was even in the delivery room with us when my child was born. Anyway, as the threesome progressed it seemed weird to me but he tried to make it fair until the end. Granted she barely touched me, she maybe spent 5 minutes on me at the most. Afterwards, I rolled over thinking that one of them would try to pleasure me since I had spent so much time on them but as I laid down thinking that he just climbed on top of her while I was laying on the pillow. He started having sex with her and at first I was fine but then I started to feel sick, he put his hands under her rear end to lift her up more and she put her arms around him and began scratching his head and back it turned into 2 instead of 3. He finished inside of her and then passionately kissed her. He wanted me to go down on her after that but I was paralysed and felt out of my own body. She slept in the middle the rest of the evening. Since then he has been super nice but I can't help but feel numb, I still feel numb-like. It's like I can't feel anything, what's wrong with me. Am I disassociating myself from what happened? I don't even want to talk to her I just feel so strange. We have had threesomes before but it was a long long time ago, before we were married. She wants to come over this weekend but I don't know if I can take this again. What should I do and how do I try to get my feelings to return. I have tried to cry but I can't. Is there something wrong with me? Am I punishing myself somehow? I am sorry to have so many questions but I feel so strange, it's like there is hurt inside me but I can't get it to come out so I can get over it and move on. I can't get that image of she and him out of my head. I felt like such a third wheel.I have to add they had been drinking but I don't drink at all.
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female
reader, emotionally upset +, writes (24 May 2010):
OMG...I am soo sorry you had to go through this. I dated this guy who was seperated...that is another story in itself. Well we had one with his friend. I did not like it at all. I decided to try it again with a girl friend. It was not my idea, I don't think they ever are a woman's idea. But when I saw him penetrate her, I thought OMG...I cried after everyone left, I couldn't talk to either of them. We had rules, and everyone broke them. Condoms...well hell he took it off and she climbed up there like it was hers! WTF!I went in the bathroom and vomited. Even when we did sleep together again, like 2 months, I was still sick of the thought. Listen that is your husband, I am not knocking you for pleasing your man, but that crap is for hookers and hoes. If he wants that kind of action then he should have hired that type of woman, it's obvious he does not love you, so you got to love yourself...please before he has you driving around at night picking up strange men to get him off. Love yourself to say no your not going to go through that any more. I'll be praying for you!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2010): This was a terrible idea. What sort of man puts the woman he loves in this situation? And what kind of best friend does this to her pal? Frankly your post sickened me. I felt like I was there going through what you saw. I nearly cried for you.
I would guess that he and your best friend had a thing for eachother, and by the way you described their sex together it sounds like maybe it wasnt their first time. It wouldnt be surprising if they have had an affair and were getting their kicks off by making you watch.
He's a jerk and she a bitch. I don't care if my bestie was married to Brad Pitt I would never have sex with her man, invited or not!
You need to get ocer this complex of wanting to make him happy. His happiness should be dependent on your happiness and vise versa. Do not let your "friend" come over and keep an eye on them. I bet it's much deeper than you see.
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A
male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (29 March 2010):
 Your is exact description of 'how threesome felt' to the mind of one participant.
Really threesome is rooted from different ideology. The idea is about 'erotic type love making', which should and must 'NON-EJACULATORY'. Three some in this system is not about 'relationship', but about sharing ENERGY. Sex in eroticism is not for 'pleasuring', but for ENERGY. Here intimacy or intimate relationship has no space- relationship is entirely irrelevant. Realization about energy aspect of sex is principle.
If sexual action is rooted from right conceptual frame work, than it will work, and from wrong frame work, than it can hurt emotionally, and you are facing such expected emotional hurting.
If you and your husband are not clear conceptually, than it is advisable to leave the ideas of threesome permanently.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2010): I think it's clear that emotionally you feel your intimacy with him was violated and you cannot shake that fact ..and indeed, it was. It was supposed to be just sex physically but didn't whind up that way .. the vibe changed. From a guys point of view, he should be shielding you from damaging your intimacy with him, not exposing you to the dangers of numbing it.
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A
female
reader, Zoe-louisexx  +, writes (26 March 2010):
 I feel sorry for you. It seems that your husband wanted to do that to your bestfriend all along as he couldnt do it just him and her because he would be cheating but to get you to do a threesome would make it easier for him, and as your bestfriend she should have realised unless something between the two of them has happened before. Talk to your best friend about it and if she is really a bestfriend she wouldnt lie and maybe talk about that night with your husband.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (25 March 2010):
 Didn't see your follow up.. Next time you must use your voice, if your not comfortable with something then tell him, he's not a mind reader.
I know it's hard, but you must now put all this in the past. Things weren't clear, you didn't speak up, he wanted to much, he thought you agreed, for all these reasons and more, I suggest you try to forget and continue with your marriage, as you were before... sigh... It will be difficult, but what else can you do. You love this man, and are happy with the way things are.
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A
female
reader, _Katy_Did_ +, writes (24 March 2010):
 I feel so sorry for you. I don't care what other people say about this being your fault and what not. It isn't. He started it. And I'm sure you would have rather paricipated than to have watched them just go at it like you weren't in the room. I almost felt sick myself while reading this. I thought of how I would feel if I went through this kind of thing. It's awful and I'm so sorry you had to go through this. I'm not so sure I could feel the same way about my husband/bf if he did this kind of thing to me. It sort of sounds like he cheated in front of you with an excuse. You said you didn't want it to happen, but he went for it anyway! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. YOU are the victim here. And your voice needs to be heard. Don't let your husband push you into things you don't want to do (or him to do). Once again, I am so sorry. I hope you can move on from this. I'm sure it was a very tramatic experience.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (24 March 2010):
"I want to see him happy no matter what"
Sometimes you need to say NO!!! A marriage should be a partnership between equals, it should not be a slave who is frightened her master may leave. Giving your husband everything will not make him stay, men stay because they love you, not because your willing to loose your self respect to keep them. If you give your husband everything, don't be surprised when he ends up spoilt and gives you very little in return.
Your situation was bad, but that's what comes from pleasing a man and putting your needs aside. I suggest you think about giving yourself more love and treating yourself nicer from now on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2010): Hi guys, one more thing, Thank you all for your wonderful advice. I really needed to hear from someone outside of my situation. I know that is sounds strange but all I want is to make my husband happy. I want to see him happy no matter what but for me, this was just too much. I know there has to be a limit. A male three way would be absolutely out of the question, to be honest I couldn't do that anyway. I am not really that excited by men. I find that there is only one man for me and that is my husband, there could be no one else after him (male) I love him too much. Again, I thank you all for being so kind and understanding of my problem. Honestly, I just wanted him to be happy. But if I am not enough for him now, I will never be. All I want is to be good enough emotionally, sexually and in all other aspects of marraige. Thank you and God Bless you all!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2010): Hi guys, it's me again... I didn't know it was going to happen. We were watching a movie. We have all known eachother for many many years and back in the day she was in a very abusive relationship and we moved her in along with her kids to save her from abuse. There is a lot of emotional attachment between she and I, I have seen her through the worst times of her life and she mine. As far as my husband, he has had a vasectomy so no chance of pregnancy (thank God) I don't know, I just didn't know what to say, I froze up, I couldn't talk I couldn't hardly speak. It was like I was out of my body. I didn't want it to happen. I spoke to hubby lastnight about the whole thing and he says that if I was insecure and felt strange about doing this we would never do it again. The thing you should know about me is that I personally have been through unspeakable child abuse and sex is difficult for me anyway, which they both know. It just seems like my husband is too busy thinking with his second head (no big surprise there). I just figured after 15 years together my husband would sence that things were not exactly ok with me. Hell, we read eachothers minds and finish each others sentences all the time. I think this was his plan and he just wanted the experience regardless of my feelings. I just feel very uneasy and I don't know what to say to either of them. I think this entire situation has just been a complete mind fu%* for me. I didn't see the 3way coming to be honest, as close as we all have been I certainly didn't expect to look over and see him with his hands up her shirt (In the beginning) that seemed to be when the whole out of bodyness started. I couldn't speak, I mean I flat out could not get words to come out, my whole body was shaking and I wasn't the only one who noticed. My God, knowing me the way they do why would they want to do this to me? I can't blame them, hell I participated up until the end. This is just as much my fault, I just expected that my feelings would be taken into consideration. Is that too much to expect?
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (24 March 2010):
 Do you mind being the poster child for all the threesome questions we get? Your threesome result is exactly what we try to warn people about.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2010): Wow, Well in the first place I would never allow someone else in our bed, nor would I ever agree for a threesome marriage is faithfulnes, trust, etc... and you opened a door to basicaly tell your husband it's ok to have sex with other women I'm just afraid now that if you try and put a halt to it he will just continue behind your back. or maybe not if he see's how much it has hurt you and explain how you felt when he showed her more attention but my thoughts are threesomes are just sex not intimate kisses also what's up with that? I would throw out the Idea of a threesome with another man and see how he react's and if he's not up for that then I would be concerned this was kinda planned between the two of them and played out like a thought at the moment? I wish you well keep us informed. Best of luck,~Confused~
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2010): Dear Lady,
Only one advice which will work for you,.
You need soem time to forget it. you will forget it in next few months.
Never try this sin again. It never works with any one.
thanks
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A
male
reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (24 March 2010):
Wow, janniepeg, great advice, I have zero to add.
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A
female
reader, YourDestiny11 +, writes (24 March 2010):
 Well i personally think threesomes are disgusting and degrading. It seems as if theres a little more between them then what they have lead on. Thats weird and messed up of your husband. that is something i dont think u could or should get over easy. you need to talk to your husband about it. good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2010): what do u expect? why do u think everybody even that shitty show called gossip girl preaches "have a threesom with a stranger and not a friend".
whose idea was it anyway to do this thing, to me its sounds like ur husband/bf was the one who wanted it the most. eughh.. what i hate bout 3soms is that it gives the guy a way to justify and act out his feelings towards another chick. i understand how u must feel, from ur description it seems like he was way more into her than u and the same can be said for her. i wouldnt allow this to happen again!
its like playing with fire!
what if ur friend has always secrelty had a thing for ur bf... well now the whole 3som thing has just ignited it. look... u should just be frank and direct. talk to ur guy and tell him how uncomfortable it made u feel. just be honest about it and tell him how it affected u. if hes a caring guy and has true feelings for u, he will try to understand and make u feel.. desireable
i dont think u should see ur friend for some time because ure going to find it hard to like her for the time being after having experienced that ...scene.
maybe be honest with her and tell her it really hurt u the way they were both at it with eachother and that personally ud feel more comfortable if u took some time off.
and why are u only having 3soms with women, next time he wants one get a man! maybe that way he would be more understanding on how painful it can feel to see ur partner humping someone else.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (23 March 2010):
 If she's your best friend you have to let down your pride and tell her how you really feel. There should be a pre talk before each session. Ideally a fair session would consist of him taking turns fucking you two and at the final moment his cum is shared among you two, like in your mouths or on your boobs or something, instead of him cumming inside on of you. They could have been drinking to lessen the anxiety but the alcohol is decreasing their ability to focus and to think outside of themselves. So make sure no alcohol is allowed. If they feel too guilty doing it sober its a sign that neither any of you are ready for such thing. You should be an observer when you are watching, the fact that you are dissociating means you are in pain. You should be able to express your feeling at any time without being embarrassed. It's hard for them to listen when they are under the influence. A threesome is always a fantasy. In reality very few men can handle two women. Your husband is very lucky you are open to this and he should respect your wishes even more because you are very rare indeed to let him have one.
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A
male
reader, called Steve +, writes (23 March 2010):
 I cannot imagine the way you are feeling right now... its almost like your Spouse has cheated on you, right in front of you, and all with your consent. My guess is that this is really what he ultimately wanted, your consent to commit what would be adultery.
Ok - so where do you go from here?
You need time to think, away from it all. But first I would talk to your husband about your feelings. Ask him maybe to explain why he acted the way he did, why he wanted to do this SO much.
You really do need to decide what you want from your marriage - you cant really have your cake and eat it can you? Either you both remain faithful or you dont. I dont envy where you are right now - I can only comment on what I feel as I have no experience of being or wanting to be in that position.
I really do wish you luck - Stv
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A
male
reader, itsnotmyproblem +, writes (23 March 2010):
well the bad news is.... you have no one to blame but yourself. you said he kept insisting intil you agreed, therefore you opened your self up to all of this. you knew you were going to have to watch your husband have sex with another woman, and that he might find her a more attractive partner. its all part and parcel of the threesome minefield. the goodnews is that whatever happens next is all up to you. do you really want to be in non exclusive relationship? tell your husband you dont want anymore threesomes. tell this women that you dont want her near you anymore. get your husband to agree to a 2 guy 1 girl situation and turn the tables. or ditch the whole situation and break out on your own. your completly normal for feeling this way. there is nothing wrong with wanting your husband to yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2010): This sounds horrible! I'm so sorry!
I would try to tell him exactly how you feel. And don't do it again. I just don't think it's a good idea. That sounds awful. I would be crushed too. I'm sorry I don't have any really good advice. I really hope everything goes alright!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2010): This scene sounds like bad news.
It doesn't sound like a threesome. It sounds a lot more like him & her just cheating right in front of you.
Maybe they didn't care what this would do to you or maybe they thought you were fine with it. Maybe something in between. I don't know. But either way it sounds like you experienced it as them cheating.
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