A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a serious relationship with my girlfriend for the past 3 years. She's always been independent and has never asked me for anything. For the past couple of months however she has been thinking of getting a surgery that insurance won't help with. She asked me if I would be able to help with around half of the cost which is about $5,000. I'm conflicted to whether or not I should do it. I know she's in need but at the same time it's quite a bit of money. What would you do if you were in my situation?
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (1 August 2015):
 Half of a $10,000 procedure is a lot of money to fork out. If you wanted to you could offer her a couple of thousand. Understand though that whatever you give her you will most likely never see again. So don't empty your bank account to do this.
As the other aunt points out, she may have children one day so she should speak to a doctor before she goes ahead with this.
I know a man who had a similar problem and he was just as self conscious about it. I don't think he ever got the surgery and makes sure to cover his stomach whenever anyone's around. It can have a huge impact on a person.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2015): I think the reason she asked you because she thought she can now after 3 years to ask youfor help. If you don't want to then don't give her any money. But if it was me I wouldn't take the no lightly.
Besides that, I wouldn't advice to have a tummy tuck before she has a child. Skin will stratch again and adjustment will be needed.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2015): I agree with Gabrielle. More information is needed. I also had muscle seperation and severe damage from several pregnancies and had a tummy
Tuck. I felt pretty horrible and ugly about the way it looked and my
Husband said it looked 'pretty bad' too. Therefore I had no qualms in
Spending our money on the operation since he Obviously didn't think
It was pretty and said so
I think in order for anyone to offer advise we need to ask
Does the dr say the surgery is needed or is the hernia ok to leave (
As some are ) and it's cosmetic?
And
Have you ever said or implied to her that her tummy looks 'pretty bad'?
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A
female
reader, chipmunk37  +, writes (28 July 2015):
 Does she have other options open, other people she could ask to help her such as family members or were you here first choice? Maybe if you are unable to loan her the money or are uncomfortable about it may be she could apply for a bank loan.
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (28 July 2015):
 I am not sure this question can be answered without understanding some of the points, at least, that the other Aunt's are asking. Is it purely cosmetic? Is this something you both want her to do?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2015): I didn't want to go into too much detail but the operation is a tummy tuck. She had a bad hernia and muscle separation which has led her to a pretty bad stomach over the last few years. It's something she really wants and I wouldn't say I 'can't afford' it I guess I can technically, it's just a large sum of money. She has saved up half and asked me for help with the other half, not sure if she has asked her parents, we haven't talked much about it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2015): If it's cosmetic , which it sounds like because you say her insurance won't pay . I think you should not pay unless ( and this is a big unless ) you encouraged her or made her feel bad about herself in any way
Your question seems extremly vague and reminds me of aan who complained when he wife wanted breast implants but didnt mention that he had been telling her for years how he loved big boobs, using porn with big busted women and generally maling her feel horrible
I'm assuming this is not the case with you and that this operation is a whim you had no imput into and in that case I say , just explain that you do t think she needs it and therefore won't waste money
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 July 2015):
 That would depend entirely of what she "needs" done, but ... for the most part I'd say no. If you can't AFFORD to "just" give her $5,000 - then I think saying no, I can't afford it would be OK.
I honestly think she should ask her parents BEFORE you.
It's like if SHE owned a house and she wanted to spend 5K on "improvements". It would be an INVESTMENT for her, not for you (necessarily).
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (27 July 2015):
Based on the fact that it's not covered by insurance and the cost of the procedure, I'm guessing it's breast augmentation so I say 'no'.
That's a lot of money to ask someone to pay for something not life threatening.
If you decide to loan her the funds, despite our advice, get a written contract outling a payment plan that is not contingent on her receiving some big payout from somewhere.
Please save bith of you the bad blood by declining. No long explanations are necessar
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (27 July 2015):
 Why won't insurance cover an operation she needs? I'd suggest that she go back to the insurance company and appeal the decision.
Unless the operation is breast implants or a solely cosmetic one? In which case, honestly, I'd suggest she formulate a payment plan with the plastic surgeon. They do that, you know.
If you two get married then you could check with your insurance to see if that would cover it.
If you're very financially comfortable and can afford it without wincing then you could consider paying for it and suggest she pay you back over time. Get that in writing, of course.
Are her parents living? Has she approached them for help? If not, why not?
And again, what specifically is the medical "need"?
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A
female
reader, MSA +, writes (27 July 2015):
 $5,000 is a good chunk of money. Is it possible to obtain a payment plan? Then maybe you won't have to come up with the entire sum immediately and be able to make monthly payments together.
If it's a surgery she absolutely needs, I think you should try to help out... if not the entire amount, at least best you can.
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