A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I am very confused as to what is happening at the moment. But I will start from the beginning, 3 years ago I was "going out" with a guy, and we were both virgins, but about 2months later, my dad died, and I went off the rails. By this I mean I was so down, and Unsure of what I was feeling and was pushing everyone in my life away from me, including him. One night I was talking to my friend(guy) and somehow ended up losing my virginity with him, which I regret to this day. I told my bf at the time what had happened the next day, and he finished it with me, and we didnt talk for nearly 3 years. We recently got back in contact and getting on really well. We met up one evening for a meal, and it felt like it was before, so natural and comfortable as if nothing had happened. He kissed me, hugged me, and we had a laugh together. We have still been texting to this day and he says he still likes me, and he hurt when he pushed me away after what i did 3 years ago. He then told me that he is still a virgin and thinks that subconciously he has been waiting for me, because every girl he went out with since me he never felt right with them, and feels so right with me.He says he wants to be friends, but wants me to be his first, but then he says we are more than friends, I want to get back with him, but he doesn't tell me exactly what he feels. I understand that I hurt him, and I wish I hadn't, and I understand it may be hard for him to trust me again. He believes I have changed and grown up since he saw me 3 years ago (which i have). What do I do? What do you think hes really thinking...do you think he is just confused and trying to work it all out? I really can't work it out... help.Thanks, sorry its so long.
View related questions:
both virgins, still a virgin, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, honestman  +, writes (1 April 2011):
"He says all hes thought about the last 3 years is us, but he doesnt know what to do."Ok. Well, now, I want yourself to ask this question:What is that you really want with this guy?If you also want to have 'fun', 'uncomplicated thing', then stay by him. Go out with him, have a good time with him.If you want something serious with him, it seems that he is not so interested in it. If you want something serious, please, keep looking for a good guy. The right men will come [just don't expect a Prince Charming or Mr Right... please]This guy seems to be very stubborn, and doesn't seems to know how to Forgive, and apparently lacks of Empathy for you and for what you been through. Keep this in mind if you choose to return with him. He will probably never forgive you for cheating.I've been in a 4 years relationship. If my girlfriend cheated on me, I would probably feel devastated. But I love her so much, that I would be able to forgive her if she truly regrets doing such thing. There are no unforgivable sins. We all make mistakes, we are human, we are not perfect.I wish you best luck with your decision!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2011): He says he wants fun, uncomplicated thing, but he says he still likes me and feels so comfortable with me, which gives me mixed messages. He says he doesnt hold it against me.He says all hes thought about the last 3 years is us, but he doesnt know what to do.
...............................
A
male
reader, honestman +, writes (31 March 2011):
Many persons have issues trying to trust you if you cheat on them once. But if he really loves you, he should leave your past where it is, and think in a future and present with you.Sit with him. Talk about what happened. Ask him for forgiveness, tell him you'll never do it again. Give him the real reasons you had sex with your friend. Be honest with him. Tell him to be honest with you, and tell you where are you both going?Ask him if he only wants sex with you, or that if he wants to reignite a good relationship you had.Really, losing a parent its something almost no one can handle easily. He needs to understand that. Yo were flooded with emotions and you needed some relief. You sound like a valuable and honest girl. If the guy can't make his mind, then, just move on, and get a good boyfriend. Just before moving on, remember to tell him what you are going to do, and why you are doing it. You deserve a good man.
...............................
A
female
reader, TEM +, writes (31 March 2011):
 I can understand your confusion. Are you wondering why he is making sleeping with you a condition of getting back together? You think he may not trust you, but I get the impression you might not trust him either (completely).
I imagine you have talked about what happened between you and the guy you lost your virginity to, with him. Since he is still a virgin, do you think he is okay with it and doesn't hold a grudge?
Since you still care for him and you are pretty sure he still cares for you, you should give the relationship another try. What happened between you three years ago was an extraordinary circumstance. It may be that he is confused and needs time to work it out, so give him time. Give yourselves both time. You are young. There is no rush. Be friends again and let the romance grow. Take it very slowly. Wait until you are both completely comfortable before taking it to the next level.
...............................
|
