A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Help!!! how do i get over the pain!??!!!!! my story is full on...well to me anyway. I have been broken up with my daughters dad for two years now and it would have to be the most horrible experience I have ever had....I had post natal severely....I love my baby very much bout had the case of baby blues bad,just really down on myself...instead of staying home with me he was out cheating and drinking doing drugs and I was so depressed I decided to leave him, his mother called child safety and I lost my two babies for ten months till I was over it my youngest was 5 weeks old and my eldest who was three was put into care cos they didn't want her they just kept my baby. I worked real hard and got them back while he went to jail for unrelated issues I continued to see him once he got out,FOOLISH!!!! I then found out he was cheating again and moved without telling him till I was healed now I have decided to move back and let my daughter know her dad but since the decision all the same pain and hurt has come rushing back and I'm so so scared they will try take my baby again....I'm a good person and have raised my kids with no financial support for three years....I can't shake this dreaded feeling my children are my world and am a one man army against this cruel cruel person though he is horrible to me he is great with our child....what do I do!!!???
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2011): Oh thank you to your replies!!! brought a tear to my eye that someone out there listened. he now has a much younger girlfriend and they have just had a baby who i feel my daughter should know and bond with i have no intention of being with him im scared he will want her to be with him and his new family and the damage it could do to my eldest daughter to lose her sister again she has been through so much...i currently live two states away from him but it was only two days ago i had our furniture moved back up and put in storage and it cost close to 4000 so its bad timing on having second thoughts...for a mother to lose her children from something you have no control over and instead of family trying to help me they condemned me because 'that's not what a good mother should go through' is excruciating i was still breastfeeding!!! ahh i don't know if i will ever heal from the ordeal but i do my children are the reason I'm here and after this self talk and a few responses i think i already know the answer to it all...my children are happy we have come far just us three and as the mummy who needs to stay strong and stable for them, i don't think I'm personally ready to face them on a weekly basis. thankyou for all your advice x
A
female
reader, natasia  +, writes (1 April 2011):
 Don't go anywhere near him. He is not great with your child, because he is horrible to her mother. And he allowed her to be put into care for 10 months!!! That is not a great dad!!!!!!!!!Stay away from him - it is the one and only thing you can do. You don't have a choice. Don't go anywhere near him. He doesn't deserve them, or you, and you all deserve better. Do this for your kids. And don't regret their relationship with him - it is his fault he has made things unviable. The risk in going back is too high. Forget him.
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A
male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (1 April 2011):
 Sounds like what you are going through, in terms of your feelings towards your babies' father is NORMAL. Of course you are going to feel sad. When you needed someone to lean on, he was out doing drugs and cheating. Who wouldn't feel bad when that happens to them?I think you need to give yourself time. I think the pain of his betrayal will ease and hopefully a new man will come into your life. I hope you don't settle for another "bum" either. I suggest you find another woman, counselor, minister -- someone you can lean on to share your feelings and pain with. I think that would help and give you a little "light" at the end of your tunnel.Under no circumstances should you entertain the thought of going back to your ex unless he completely turns his life around (and follows this new lifestyle for a significant period of time). I think if you continue to see him, only pain will come out as a result.I wish you the best of luck and be strong.
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A
female
reader, feelingsputtogether +, writes (31 March 2011):
 Don't move back with him. He can still be their dad but in a separate home. Your relationship with him has been over for some time so there is no need to go back. You can be honest an tell him that the best thing for your children is to stay friends and keep their best interest in perspective. If he cheated on you and gave you grief two times it sure it will happen a third. You've being doing good without him so why take a step back. Talk to him and tell him that if he treats you poorly especially in front of your children that this will stay in their minds and one day they will be the ones to judge yours and his actions. To respect you as a person but also as the mother of his children because life is a cycle. Make him look into and ask him if he wants the same kind of treatment towards his children as the one he is giving you by a person that had no self respect for themselves or others. Be strong and keep up the good work. I'm sure it's tough but sounds like your a fighter, even if you are a one man army sometimes that's all it takes to take down wall down.
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