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36-40,
Daniel the love doctor
writes:Are you ready for a serious, committed relationship now…really? Well if you truly believe that you are, make sure that you have the below tips covered.1. You’re maximizing your opportunities. If you want to find a mate, then you have to put yourself in an environment where the type of person you want to meet hang out or works. Make sure you look presentable 100% of the time, because you never know who you’re going to run into if you’re having a bad hair day…or you’re in your “doing laundry” clothes.2. You’re making time. Do I dare ask you to look at your schedule for the upcoming week? How about if I ask you to check it out for the upcoming month? When looking at it, I know some of you may be so busy that you may not have enough time for yourself. If you’re so busy that you can’t even have some time to yourself to relax, collect your thoughts, or even treat yourself to a movie…then how can you have time for a relationship? Make sure you have enough time for work/personal duties, alone time, and time that you can give to a potential partner before you get into a relationship.3. You’re making space. Did you get rid of your past? In other words, have you physically cleared any traces of your ex in your space? If you haven’t, then be sure to get rid of any pictures of you and your ex, something they gave you and you continued to look at, their number that you stored in your phone/caller ID…and…well you get the hint. And if you have a tendency to sleep in the middle of your bed or park your car in the middle of your garage, then you’re not making space. Make sure you physically make room in your life for a relationship. Reply to this Article
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reader, Daniel the love doctor +, writes (3 October 2011):
Daniel the love doctor is verified as being by the original poster of the question I admire your free-thinking mentality. And ultimately many people do think for themselves, come up with their own conclusions, and make their own decisions. The only thing I can do is provide suggestions. Whether they choose to take my advice or not, is entirely up to them. But if people have been doing things out of (bad) habit- or the same way without getting the result that they want, then why not listen to what others may have to say? If they're not meeting the type of people that they want, not realizing how their body language/look could affect people's perception, or don't understand how/why their date didn't go so well, then why shouldn't I help? This is my passion and profession.
And just because I'm an "Agony Aunt (or uncle, as I would preferred to be called :^) )" and I give advice, doesn't make me or any other advisor on here any different than a therapist, parental figure (as there are many young teens on here who ask questions also), or even mentor. This is what many people who ask questions on here are seeking. We provide guidance, constructive feedback, and emotional support for those that don't have many friends or family members to talk to. And if the advice we're giving is positive, loving, and comes with the intent to see others do well, then what's wrong with that?
And in regards to planning life's magic moments...in many cases I do encourage spontaneity and to do things in the midst of the moment- such as meeting people for the first time. When a guy notices a woman walking down the street, there's no way he could pick up any body language cues in a matter of seconds to see if she's interested. She may not even be looking at him. But he should still approach (this is in fact how I've met the woman that I'm with- which by the way, I hopes answers that question) and take a chance and try to meet that woman. But when a couple have been together for a while, and their romance seems to be fading, I do encourage planning a nice romantic evening, for example, to spark the intimacy back into the relationship.
But I thank you for your comment Curiouser. It really was very well written and thought out. Enjoy the rest of your day.
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reader, Curiouser  +, writes (2 October 2011):
Hmm, but you see- I get your point all too well that you see meeting people in the same way you see, and approach job interviews; that's my point. Yes, both involves meeting people, but you could just as easily compare dinner and beverages with your new man with a working lunch at your desk, or the first time you become intimate with your partner with a physiotherapist's first client.
Of course I can see base similarities; but aren't you missing the spontaneous romance of life?
Romeo says, 'Today I met a girl called Juliet and then I had an interview at the Plaza. The interview went quite well.'
Out of interest, are you settled with a partner yourself? You seem incredibly hung up on planning and standardising the most magical moments?
It is interesting what you say about 'types' though. Because I think what I look for in people is the capacity to think for themselves. (I think therefore I am) Evidence of independent thought. Our immense value lies in our character; and we understand that value through being sincerely as we 'are'; as we like, enjoy and as we respect.
It's not easy and that's exactly why we need people to be there for guidance and support. Evidence that someone is feeling and living as their own independent 'self' might only be known by infinite tiny inflections, and they might come to the most considered and balanced conclusions for themselves. These are the people that I can learn from.
There is a deep sadness in meeting anyone that blindly lives as others have told them to. Of course everyone takes guidance, but not as personality based instruction in their every waking day and in denying their 'self' in the matters of the heart.
The point is to know that someone is Real. How can I feel romance in the arms of a man that greets me 'I wore a suit today because I read on a website that every woman likes this. I'm afraid I can't discuss politics till the second date because I was advised by an agony aunt to fear conflict.'
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reader, Daniel the love doctor +, writes (30 September 2011):
Daniel the love doctor is verified as being by the original poster of the questionO.k. Well first, thank you anonymous reader for your comments. I appreciate you taking time out to express your thoughts on this subject.Now, I agree that when you meet someone, it shouldn't be like a job interview, but it is somewhat similar. In order for you to get to know an individual (and vice-versa), you have to ask questions. If you're looking to hire someone for a job, you have to ask questions. It's the same concept (but not the same questions, but I'm sure you get my point).On your physical appearance point, I would respectfully have to disagree. Whether you like it or not, people are judged everyday on how they look, speak, and carry themselves(for example, check out the TV show What Would You Do? They show real scenarios on topics like this based on people's perception). Now, while you may not walk away if a guy talks to you and you suddenly notices he hasn't polished his boots, I'm sure that you have somewhat of a type. And though you may be cordial and open to conversation, I'm sure you're not going to give every guy your number that approaches you. On some level you're screening those individuals.I would really like to ask anyone who reads or comment on this topic to discuss this with a friend (or a group of friends) to get their thoughts. This is a good way to find out what other people think when it comes to meeting people. But again, I appreciate your comments. And I invite all others to express their thoughts, and comment as well. :^)
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2011): Hi, I have to be honest; I'm in the same camp as 19reginna84 on this one. But I think the reasoning is slightly different to how you've picked up.Simply, meeting a partner is not a job interview! -You've been let out of the office. You're free to enjoy your life and perhaps meet someone special whilst doing so. It's not about 'seeing past' someone's physical appearance/ loose shirt- it's about people being comfortable in your own skin and being able to take the people we meet at face value.If I met someone and they told me that they take additional time and effort in their appearance every day 'just' because they might want to impress someone... I think I'd feel more like I was 'filling a position' for a partner, just as the person themselves might spend every day feeling like they were dressing for an interview. If I like someone; I like them. If I meet someone with wit, intelligence and similar interests as myself, I'm not going to walk away because I notice that he hasn't polished his boots. If I meet someone that's following some prescribed interview technique and avoiding talking about anything deeper than the weather for fear of touching on politics, I'm not going to suddenly be keen to get to know them better simply because they have a well ironed shirt.Everyone is different. Or at least they should be before they are lured into articles which advise them to 'standardise' themselves!Treat people as you find them, and find yourself as you meet people.
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reader, Daniel the love doctor +, writes (30 September 2011):
Daniel the love doctor is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat's great to hear. And you and Tennisstar both provided some very good comments. Enjoy the rest of your day!
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2011): No worries, Daniel. This is a good article and I enjoyed discussing it. I didn't feel offended. It is nice to debate with someone and not be talked down to.
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reader, Daniel the love doctor +, writes (29 September 2011):
Daniel the love doctor is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAfter looking back at my recent comment I just want to apologize if I came off a bit defensive, and like a "no it all". The fact is, I don't. No one does. But all I could do is provide information to the best of my knowledge that I feel could help at least one person in their current situation. This has been on my mind the past few days, so I felt it was necessary for me to clear the air. So once again, I apologize 19reginna84 and other readers for that. And I really do think that it's great how your eye/love for your husband exceeded past his physical appearance. If more people was like that, there would be no need for me to provide tip#1 of this article. :^)
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reader, Daniel the love doctor +, writes (28 September 2011):
Daniel the love doctor is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBelieve me 19Reginna84, I know confidence plays a HUGE role in how people perceive you as well. And I'm sure you could recall me mentioning it in some of my articles/comments. I'm only talking about looks, because that's where the focus seems to be right now on this article.
And I'm glad that you met/accepted your husband under those conditions- because I've asked/polled MANY women- and I'm sure if I do the same on here, there may be some that wouldn't care about a guy's appearance (not talking so much about physical/facial looks- but clothes/appearance), but many will.
But I appreciate your comments! Keep 'em coming. :^)
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2011): Actually, I met my husband when he was wearing a shirt full of holes, jeans full of holes, his shoes were falling apart, etc. His family was very, very poor. But he was confident in himself. In fact, he had lots of girls chasing and still does because of that confidence and how he carries himself. He even got jobs dressing barely better than that.
Some people, no matter how grungy they appear, have that aura of "follow me" around them, and people follow. Other people could be in the best suit in the world, perfect hair, etc, and guess what? They still get ignored.
It's more than looks. :)
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reader, Daniel the love doctor +, writes (27 September 2011):
Daniel the love doctor is verified as being by the original poster of the questionO.k that's a very fair opinion 10Reginna84. And as I stated before, there are quite a few women that I know that have good attributes and don't need to get all dolled up to attract a man. Make-up is a matter of choice. You can go for the all-natural look if it works for you. I'm just saying look your best- because though beauty is in the eye of the beholder, studies show that when you're looking your best (or feel that you are), you'll feel more confident. And not only would you attract more people, people's perception of you would be different than someone who is not. But let me put it to you this way...If one guy approaches you out on the street in a torn shirt, his hair looking crazy,(maybe even wearing dirty boots/shoes)- and it's clear that he seems to not take pride in how looks (mind you, this may be his "doing laundry" day), and he asks for your number, would you give it to him? Would you find him attractive, sexy, or appealing?What if you worked at a law firm and you were looking to hire someone...and then someone comes in wearing dirty sneakers and/or a sweater with holes in it. Would you feel inclined to interview them...or even hire them? If a person should maximize their opportunity to look presentable for a job/interview, then why should things be different when they're looking to attract someone? (O.k. I know the last example is a bit of a stretch, but I'm sure you get my point :^) )
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2011): My only concern about #1 is that I feel getting "dolled up" all the time actually makes you more fake unless you already do that anyway. I do not wear makeup very often, for example. So I wouldn't want to wear makeup, get my hair done, etc. when I know I can't sustain that behavior in the long run. I'd rather present myself as-is and attract someone who is actually attracted to me than to put on a show that fizzles out later...
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reader, Daniel the love doctor +, writes (27 September 2011):
Daniel the love doctor is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFirst, thank you 19reginna84. I agree with your comments completely. :^)Hey Tennisstar! I miss you commenting on my posts/articles. :^) Let me just address your comments if I may....1. "Women don't need to be dolled up every single day they step out in order to snag a man..."** That's true. And I know quite a few women who are blessed with natural good looks and/or a nice body and they can attract a man no matter what they wear. BUT...we're talking about maximizing your opportunities to land the type of guy that you want. There's no doubt you can receive attention (maybe even a lot), but is it the type of attention that you want? From the type of people? HOW you dress does play a huge role in people's perception of you...therefore clothes does make the person. 2. "Be careful, those that don't even have time for themselves, sometimes prefer it that way. Workaholics that are forever married to their work, and it's incredibly fulfilling to the point of where they don't need a relationship."** O.k...but that's the point of this article- to see if the person is really ready for a relationship. And if they prefer to be workaholics and use up all of their time for work, then they're better off being single.3. "I agree to an extent with this. But this clean-up should be done immediately after it's over with your ex. Out of sight, out of mind. Give yourself time to grieve some more, then get back on the horse. Even though there's space, they may not be ready just yet to jump back on the dating bandwagon."** The "clean-up" part really does depend on the person. As everyone tends to grieve, handle break-ups, and bounce back differently. But I agree that the sooner a person start working on recovering from a break-up, the better. On a side note, I do like your posts (Thank you!)..However, they all seem to be the same about dating. Except for the ED one. What have you got when it comes to marriage? Spouses who are suffering retrograde jealousy, or when porn is wreaking havoc in a marriage?** You're absolutely right. And I promise I will cover many of these topics soon. Or in addition to the ED, what general 1,2,3 advice can you offer men who are suffering insecurities over their average size appendage?** Well there have been quite a few men that have emailed me not only on this site but through my coaching programs, and other sites as well- who have problems with their soldier downstairs. This is a sensitive, yet common problem. and I promise I will go a bit more in depth on how a guy could overcome this issue in the the next article I write relating to this topic. Just saying I'd like to see what else you can bring to the table. :)** Sounds like a challenge. :^) Let me know your thoughts on my next articles.
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reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (27 September 2011):
1. Women don't need to be dolled up every single day they step out in order to snag a man. I admit a little makeup helps. But whether it's sweat pants and a tank or flattering jeans and a dressy top, it doesn't matter (to an extent) what you're wearing when encountering potential suitors. On a side note, I've found my "laundry day" clothes, to be my best outfit (dressy).
2. Be careful, those that don't even have time for themselves, sometimes prefer it that way. Workaholics that are forever married to their work, and it's incredibly fulfilling to the point of where they don't need a relationship.
3. I agree to an extent with this. But this clean-up should be done immediately after it's over with your ex. Out of sight, out of mind. Give yourself time to grieve some more, then get back on the horse. Even though there's space, they may not be ready just yet to jump back on the dating bandwagon.
On a side note, I do like your posts..However, they all seem to be the same about dating. Except for the ED one.
What have you got when it comes to marriage? Spouses who are suffering retrograde jealousy, or when porn is wreaking havoc in a marriage?
Or in addition to the ED, what general 1,2,3 advice can you offer men who are suffering insecurities over their average size appendage?
Just saying I'd like to see what else you can bring to the table. :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2011): This is good advice. I especailly like #3. Too many people want to "stay friends" with an ex. That is not really acceptable. If you had children with your ex then it is understandable to keep a relationship, but it should be a business relationship which is civil but not too buddy buddy. On the one hand, going out for drinks or hanging out with the ex is disrespectful to your current partner. Second of all, it can lead to false hope in the kids that mom and dad will get back together. If no children, then no relationship. It should be a move on type of thing. How many questions on here do you see "My bf/gf still hangs out with my ex and it upsets me but they don't care!!!" Sorry, but maybe you're not ready if you still want to be close to an ex. I know some people disagree with that, but I think it is a one way road to a breakup.
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