A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my boyfriend two years on Friday, because he thought it was getting too intense and serious for two year 11's we were arguing a lot. It was done really nicely and he said if I ever needed anything he'd be there for me, I was the best thing that ever happened to him and it was the hardest thing he'd ever done etc etc.We agreed we would stay as close as we were when we were together because we didn't break up because anything tore us apart, and there was no reason for us to just get rid of each other out of lives. My problem is that I think people are going to think it's really strange that we're still best friends and are going to start saying we're 'grafting' (I don't know if you use that word but it means flirting) That I'm desperate and I'm trying too hard to get him back etc. To be perfectly honest, I would love to try again but I don't think that's going to work and I'm trying to accept that. Also, I know this sounds really needy, but I really can't imagine having the same level of trust and love for someone ever again, he's made me really really picky and I can't imagine I'll ever meet anyone like him, I guess I'm kind of scared that I'm going to be a loner for the rest of my life :/ HELP!? Also I think most of the problem was because we were together during the stage where people tend to develop into themselves, from 13/14 to 15/16, do you think if we stay close there could be a chance that we could back together in a few years the stress of school has gone and we've stopped changing in ourselves?
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best friend, broke up, flirt Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI meant that we didn't respond to peer pressure like a lot of irresponsible teenagers do. I don't need anymore answers on this question thanks, since I'm being treated like I'm 3!
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 September 2011):
 Why , would you have considered having sex at 13 to 15 ? You were underage-it's not even legal !, forget about wise, prudent, age appropriate or what not.
It's like saying, hey I never shop-lifted, that must mean I am mature.
Back to your questions : no, the chances that you two may end up back together in some years are really extremely slim, and IMO do not compensate the stress and heartbreak you'd go through trying to be "friends " with someone you are in fact in love with. Easy for you to say you'll handle it well- wait until he starts dating some other chick and kissing her under your nose.
Maybe you CAN handle it, but why should you ? I'm quite sure I COULD handle having a tooth pulled without anesthetic- but why should I want to do something so stupid if it weren't strictly neceessary ?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou're just judging me from one post, when you don't know what my level of maturity is at all. I think the fact that I maintained an amazing relationship for 2 years without having sex says a lot.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (25 September 2011):
 I have to agree with marieclaire.
We have all been teenage girls, and we all think we are mature and know everything. In 10 years time you will look back and know you were naive. Trust us.
If you think you are mature enough and strong enough to be able to continue a close friendship without getting emotionally attached again, and can put up with the potential for him to be dating other girls, then go ahead.
Having been on the other end of a "lets just be friends" situation, I can tell you it does not work.
But good luck to you. Just don't look back in those 10 years time and wish you had concentrated more on your studies and moved on when you had the chance. You only get one life and one chance at growing up. Don't waste it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou for all your answers. But I actually think it's very insulting of you to call me naïve. I think it would be immature to NOT be friends with him. You cannot go from being so close to someone for 2 years to nothing! I am mature enough to hold this friendship.
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (25 September 2011):
 Personally I don't think you can stay friends with an ex. You can be friendly for sure but good close friends is difficult. However if it does work this way for you, then don't give a toss about what other people think. This is your life to live the way you want to live it and it's no one elses business. Do what works for you and stuff everyone else.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (25 September 2011):
 I suggest that you not spend even a MOMENT thinking about the criticism "that you are going to get." Heck, I just spent two days worrying about "the space capsule that could land on me".... and it was all for naught!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou for your answer, but do you have any opinions on us staying best friends, do you think that will work?
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (25 September 2011):
In a few years, once you hit 18, you will all be moving on in different directions. University, work, all sorts of other things come into your lives and you will find that your ex BF will want to move on and explore the next stage of his life.
He will not wait around for you and it is irresponsible to give you false hope to think that you will get back together in a few years time.
Enjoy the relationship for what it was, a teenage romance, but do not think he was the 'one'.
I know you feel like you will never love any boy the same way again, but believe me every single woman has said that at some point and we all move on. We find new men who are more in tune with our lives at that point.
In 4 years time you will be a very different person to who you are now, and so will he. You may not like the person he has grown into. Thoughts, feelings, attitudes, wants, needs, beliefs all change in that 16-25 age group.
Why do you think so few 'school' relationships last into adulthood?
Move on, focus on your own life. I am guessing you are doing A levels with a view to university. COncentrate on your schooling, get goood grades and go to university with an open mind and a free spirit. You have so much to learn and so many new people to meet, do not tie yourself down and ruin you life with false hopes. You will feel cheated and used.
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