A
male
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*s what life is?
writes:Mainly want female answers. How normal is it for a girl to just not like any sexual things at all? My girlfriend says she hates the feeling of sex and anything to do with it, she is not a virgin (I am) but she just simply hates it, she has never masturbated or had an orgasm. I'm just wondering if this is something that she may grow into as I have heard women's sexuality often grows with age. We are both 19.
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (26 September 2011):
 She hates sex, hates the thought of it, doesn't masturbate nor has ever had an orgasm. Lost her virginity to a guy who made her afraid of not having sex with him.
These are not good signs, they really aren't normal nor do they point to good prospects for a happy healthy sexual relationship.
I think you should be kind and accepting but for right now, assume that something (her ex?) has caused her to distrust and dislike sexual activity. Don't push it and keep her talking if she is comfortable.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (26 September 2011):
 Perhaps she's one of those women who experience extreme pain during sex to the point of where they refuse to partake in it.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dyspareunia
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2011): You say she never masturbated--maybe she will grow to like sex if se does. Maybe she just needs her first taste of an orgasm lol. She was scared of her last boyfriend, so it probably wasn't enjoyable at all. Politely suggest it to her, because you don't want her to have a bad experiance.
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female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (25 September 2011):
 You should talk to her and ask her why she feels this way. It could be that she has had a sexually traumatizing experience in her life, like rape or sexual violence. Maybe previous sexual relationships left her with a negative impression, or she was brought up in a strict religious home where she feels disgusted or uncomfortable with her sexuality. Lastly, I would look up information on asexuality - people who enjoy personal intimacy with their partners, but naturally have no desire for sex, or sexual activities.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 September 2011):
 It does sound like she has had someting happen to her in the past.
Most 19 year old are either not having sex due to a religious or personal coviction, but rarely because they don't like the thought of it.
Honestly at 19 I don't think many girls hate sex (who have never had a bad expeience) I think most are jsut as sexually active as males, just as horny.
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female
reader, bardia +, writes (25 September 2011):
 Possible molestation as a child? It's a huge Pandora's box to open, but you may be the one to help her in the healing process, if that's the case. I've seen it happen before. Just be supportive.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2011): How many times has she had sex? In my experiance in life an on this site, women don't usually like their first time, no matter who its with. It gets better, though.
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male
reader, is what life is? +, writes (25 September 2011):
is what life is? is verified as being by the original poster of the question I have asked her and as far as she says it is just something that has never appealed to her. I know that she lost her virginity to her last boyfriend and she says that she really didn't like him after a month of going out with him but she was scared to break up with him in case of what he would do, she says she had the same fear about refusing him sex. I agree with you Moo's Mum about a relationship without sex is just a friendship, but I'm trying so hard to not think about it like that because I love her so so much.She has said that if I really wanted to she would have sex with me, but I could never ask her to do that, I'd hate the thought of having sex with her if she didn't really want to (especially for my first time).I will try to talk to her more about it and see if there is anything she hasn't told me. She normally isn't secretive with me and doesn't lie, but very often it is hard to get her to communicate. Thank you, both of you.
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female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (25 September 2011):
 I'm with Aunt Honesty. Something has happened to make her feel this way. It's going to be important for your relationship to get to the bottom of this because a relationship without sex is just a friendship.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (25 September 2011):
 Have you asked her why she feels this way? It sounds like she has had a bad experience in the past that has set her mind to not enjoying it. Try and get her to open up to you and see if she can understand why she doesn't like it. My guess is something happened to make her feel like this.
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female
reader, turquoise88 +, writes (25 September 2011):
hmmm she could be asexual or if she is taking the pill it could kill her sex drive. but if she never wants sex and you do then this is unhealthy for the both of you, you guys have mismatched sexual desires. it may be best to move on and find someone who actually wants every part that comes with a relationship including sex!
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