A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am feeling more lost, alone and scared than I ever thought possible.I met my ex in October 2005 and started seeing him in October 2005. He moved to my city (6 hours away) in January 2006, and until November 2009 we had only spent one night apart in all that time.We moved in together, moved around a bit due to landlords and renting issues. Went on holidays together, talked about marriage, kids, buying a house - everything. I honestly thought he was the one for me the first time I met him. We complemented each other in so many ways. In February 2009, he proposed to me and I said yes. We set our wedding date in October 2010, however in November 2009 he suddenly said he doesn't know how he feels anymore and that was that. For months I had been planning our wedding, and just five days before he told me he didn't know how he felt anymore, we had put our wedding rings on lay-by. He told me he had been feeling a bit doubtful for a while, so he would have had those doubts when we got the rings. To this day I still haven't been given a reason as to why, and I can't understand why he would let me do all that wedding planning only to do this to me. His answer to everything is "I don't know" and he says he still cares about me which I believe, and he says he loves me but he doesn't know how much or in what way.I am utterly miserable and I have no idea what the hell I am supposed to do. I need closure, and I've got no idea how to move on with my life. I am 26 in April and he is 30 next month. I'm the one who has moved out and left all the stuff we bought together there for him.What do I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (22 February 2010):
Marriage is a big step and can make a seemingly committed man show his true colours. Just because he lives with you as a boyfriend doesn't mean that he's not afraid of marriage.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIf he is afraid of commitment why did he propose? Why did he ask me if I wanted to get a place together after just three months of being together?
When I see him, he still hugs me and acts like he really cares about me. People have commented that it doesn't seem like we have even broken up.
He still buys me presents, he still wants to go overseas with me... it's like nothing has changed apart from the fact that he thinks he "doesn't know" how he feels about anything anymore.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (22 February 2010):
He's afraid of the commitment. If you're looking for closure, you won't get it. You're wasting time if you sit there looking for reasons. The reason is he is afraid of the commitment. The single best thing you can do now is move on with your life and cut him out. Even if he comes back on his knees, you will be in a position where you won't be able to trust him to commit properly. He is simply afraid of the commitment, and it doesn't sound like he wants it. Take a deep breath, be very brave and move on from him. Don't sit there waiting for closure, you won't get it. And don't sit there waiting for him to change is mind. It won't happen. I hope you find a better guy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2010): You should tell him how you feel. Talk to him ask what was the reason. Tell him you need this closure and how you've been feeling these last couple of months. If he cares he'll listen and try to make things a bit better. He'll comfort you and then maybe even tell what the problem was. I know this must hurt a lot. I haven't personally been through it myself but in something similiar is what im currently going through. Good Luck!
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