A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm always used for sex. I could be with a fella 3 days or a could be with a fella for 3 months but as soon as I have sex with them they say " its not working out ". This has happened me 5 times now!!! My last fella asked me out the day after we had sex but then a week later he dumped me. I'm finding it very hard to trust fellas as it seems there's no such thing as relationships anymore just one time flings! I don't know what to do nor do I understand why I'm always being used! Any thoughts? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, laure  +, writes (19 March 2013):
 Actually working out a relationship doesn't depend on the interval of time you two had spent together,it depends on your attitude,the way you dress up&talk,because it's really in your hands,whether the guy you're seeing is a player or a good guy,it all depends on you!
No1 would prefer an "easy" girl,you should be smart,dress properly,and act hard to get,and never ever mention to the guy you're seeing about your ex boyfriends&past relationships..be the kinda lady who values herself&start showing it..whenever he asks you out,don't always be available,let him believe you have a busy life,and that you're independant,men prfer strong,smart&hard to get ladies,the kinda girl he can be in a relationship with,who is NOT easy,who he can guarantee she won't cheat on him or play around..Moreover,it's definitely not the sex that's pulling men away from you,on the contrary,sex should be the factor which should make him get more attached to you..
Goodluck
Laure xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2013): These days it's very much ok to be what they call ,easy,. But that's not what you want to do. You can't make a guy stay, even after you waited six or nine months. First of all it's unrealistic with hold sex for such a long time. It's very easy to say, but it's not doable. I think what you need to learn how to distinguish guy,s intentions toward you. Look for someone a little older, With an early Twenties guy is tough. May be even mid or late 20s will be good for you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (18 March 2013):
 If a guy tells you he LUVS you after only a couple a week he wants to get in your pants. Because he might be infatuated with you, but love? No, after a couple of weeks he BARELY know you. Did you have sex with him because you thought he loved you? Or did you think you had a real relationship because he said the 3 little words?
As far as clubs, well I met my first love in a nightclub and we were together 4 1/2 years, so you CAN met a good guy in a club. After all they like to go out too. The thing is if you met a guy in a club, don't go home with him or take him home that night. Arrange a date in the "day-light" and see if you two get on, if you do, make more dates and spend more time together. After I would say 3-4 months have the DTR chat (define the relationship) - if you both agree that you want to be exclusive and date date, I would give it another month or 2 before sleeping together.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2013): Well there you go, guys who visit clubs usually go for one reason and one reason only, and that is to get drunk, have a good time and pull a girl. I imagine these guys are addicted to this lifestyle and do it each every weekend, or every other weekend without fail and won't be looking for a long term commitment.
As for the friend of a friend, that may just have been bad luck there.
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A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (18 March 2013):
The right guy is out there somewhere but you are going to have to be patient and spend a while with no boyfriend in order to have a chance to meet him. You are young and I guess the guys you are dating are the same age. Most guys aren't looking for long term relationships at your age, but some are. You have some experience with guys now and the right guy will feel different and I think falling in love can be very quick and not necessarily a bad sign. And have sex only when if feels completely right. If you feel like you are being pushed its wrong. And if it feels like you need to make a no sex rule it's wrong! I think it's important to 'know' the guy a bit before 'dating' even if its only a few days. Get to talk and discover what you have in common and if it feels good just being around each other, and if so then the next stage just happens. When you date a stranger then probably the only sure thing you have in common is that you both want to have sex. And if you feel like you need to have sex just to keep him, DON'T!!! One more thing, when you meet a new guy avoid drinking too much - alcohol, at best, clouds the judgement. When you meet guys do stuff together that help you get to know each other - go shopping, walking, coffee and tea drinking, movies, McDonald's bowling, cycling, etc etc, don't just hang out in a pub.Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFirstly I meet them in clubs or through friends, the current guy was through a friend and had told me he loved me after weeks of dating i also have there always groomed and if theres any reputation going around my area its that I probably never kissed a guy before haha. Thank you or the answers though xx
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 March 2013):
Are the guys the same kind of "type"? Do you meet them in the same kind of places?
I would like Cerberus said, ask your friends. See what they say.
And iAmHereToHelpYou is right no guy who JUST wants sex will wait 6 months for it. So that is something to think off.
Also how well do you really know them? If you have dated a guy for 3 months how much ACTUAL time have you spend together? Or do you spend most of a relationship with "texting/IM'ing" and less face time?
I'm not saying this is all your fault, so please don't beat yourself up. But sit down and look back on these 5 guys and do some comparison. What did they have in common? Could be something as simple as the type of guy you go for.
When you meet a new guy that interests you, do you pursue him? Or do you "date" guys who go after you? Is it mutual?
Maybe take some time OFF from dating/boy. Doesn't mean you can't talk to them but I would focus on YOUR for a while. Hang out with friends, have some hobbies, figure out what you want to do when you "grow up" so to speak. MAKE yourself your main priority.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2013): Could be anything OP.
Your taste in guys. Could be your reputation. Could be that they're only after sex and you do all the work and make it easy for them. Maybe you're too casual. Maybe a lack of grooming down there puts guys off.
Your best bet is to ask your friends and get them to be honest with you. Ask the friend you know won't sugar coat things OP, guys talk about this kind of thing as much as girls do, see if you can get someone to find out why they weren't interested in anything more.
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A
female
reader, harchi  +, writes (17 March 2013):
 if i hav to be harsh with my words, i'll call u cheap. And where i come from, guys dont fancy girls that give themselves easily to sex. To be realistic i think you should give yourself to serious thinkin about ur attitude towards this guys. A man has a reason for approachin a woman and sumtimes it might just be a flirt thing, it all depends. But dont start your own story with all men are thesame tag just becos u havent been lucky maybe its just a way to wisen you up and make u a better person. Goodluck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2013): Maybe you're looking in the wrong place for guys...where do you find them?
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