A
male
age
36-40,
*oboaxe
writes:So I met a girl through Tinder and we went out for dinner. I'm 30 and she's 27. We hit it off really well. We talked for nearly 4 hours. She had a pretty bad cough though, and I didn't attempt any sort of physical contact except a brief touch of the hand nearing the end, which she reciprocated. Then we got up to leave and I called an uber for her. She was quite flirty over the texts on her way home and I even recommended a cough medicine which she took. We texted for the next few days, and out of the blue she invited me to go to a nightclub that very same night. But then she ended up falling asleep and apologized the next morning when she woke up. We then set up another date, but she then cancelled that one as well because she had stayed up too late the night before at her friends party and felt sick the following morning. She rescheduled again and invited me to see her at her standup comedy show. I went to it and her standup routine consisted entirely of bashing men in general and her ex boyfriend who reportedly was a huge jerk. I also realized she had invited a couple of her friends as well (all male). I talked to her and her friends after the show, and one was gay, the other was in a relationship (this was the party she had gone too), and the other guy was a childhood friend.I asked if she could go out that Saturday when we had a moment alone, she agreed, and then a few days later cancelled but set up a date for next Friday. That Friday finally arrived and we went out for dinner again and drinks afterwards. We had great conversation and she genuinely seemed to be having fun. Once we got to the bar, I attempted to place my hand over hers and she playfully smacked it away. She was also pretty cold at the bar, not leaning in at all. I tried to go in for a kiss at the end of the date, she gave me her cheek, and then literally told me she doesn't like to get physical at all, and instead prefers to keep seeing someone and see if "something happens." I apologized for trying to kiss her and she said it was fine. I then asked if she'd like to go out again next week and she said she would. I called her an uber from the bar (hers wasn't working) and we texted that night. The tone was still the same, fun and flirty. I think she's very beautiful and I genuinely enjoy talking with her. I would have no problem taking my time with her. Now the reason why I'm very hesitant to continue pursuing this girl is that I don't know if she's just stringing me along to get free meals and drinks. I don't know if she sees me as just a friend. I've never encountered a girl whose gone out with me on three dates and doesn't even want to kiss. So is she playing hard to get? Or just not really interested at all? Thank you so much for any advice!
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male
reader, Allumeuse  +, writes (31 January 2018):
In fairness to the her dinner and a movie is just a low alcohol option. I'm not sure her motives are money related.
But your reference points are so far apart it really isn't worth bothering with continuing the relationship.
She doesn't have to be bad or a freeloader to be not right for you. You don't have to assign bad traits to her to decide she isn't it.
She might be deeply suspicious of guys, particularly of guys who want her to drink. Noone can know what has happened to her or what's going on in her head but you don't have a responsibility to mankind or to her to prove her wrong. Don't denigrate her when you finish with her just say that you aren't on the same page and let that be the end of it. Best of luck.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (31 January 2018):
 Wow! Talk about being a freeloader!
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A
male
reader, Roboaxe +, writes (31 January 2018):
Roboaxe is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for your replies! I agree. I do believe she is just using me to have fun at my expense whenever she doesn't have anything better to do. Before I even posted this I asked if she'd like to go out to that nightclub she mentioned and she said she's trying to not drink "that much" anymore. But "maybe" she'd be open to dinner and a movie. Sure, free food and movie, sweet deal. I won't be inviting her out anymore and will cut contact. Just because she's pretty doesn't give her the right to walk all over me. Thanks again for confirming my suspicions about her!
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A
female
reader, delanceyst +, writes (30 January 2018):
Her not wanting to kiss you doesn't at all make her not like you. There could be so many variables. She could be very shy about it, she could be demisexual and therefore, not be ready until she gets more attached, she could have had past problems with it, like a boy took advantage of her after thinking kissing keads to sex (which is more likely than you think. I have had this happen often). There are just so many things. Keep going on dates, get to know her. You could even be honest and ask her about it. I'm sure she wouldn't mind and would actually respect you if you are respectful enough to ask.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (30 January 2018):
Of course she’s stringing you along! You’re 30 years old and still allowing yourself to be conned by a pretty face. Grow the heck up and swipe this broad out of your life.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (30 January 2018):
She prefers to keep seeing someone to decide if she wants "something" means that she decides for how long this experiment of her continues... At your expense. Literally!
Don't waste your time on her anymore OP. You're giving her way too much importance and she's lapping it all up while keeping you on your toes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2018): Simple. Stop seeing her. She blows you off, probably to hangout with her other friends. She's not really interested in you. You're just a guy who takes her out when she has nothing better to do, or she doesn't feel like hanging with her friends.
You are way too tolerant to allow people to rudely cancel dates on you time and time again.
When women do what she did; they're are testing you to see how much they can getaway with. As if you're a simpleton.
You continuously let her mess you around; so she lost respect for you. Being too nice and being gullible won't make her like you more. It will make her respect you even less, and string you along. Letting you spend your money on dates to entertain her.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 January 2018):
 I don't know how interested she is. All the cancelling and rescheduling makes me think that sure, she is busy, BUT seeing you hasn't been a priority.
You seem to have to "work" WAY too hard to set up a date.
Also, for me, it would be a red flag if a GUY I was dating had a routine bashing women. Bad ex or no.... I get that a few jokes here and there and adding the whole personal touch with stories from one's life to create humor, it's good... BUT if her main "spiel" is man-bashing... I'd rather NOT be her next "victim" or "inspiration" for her routine.
She didn't want you touching her HAND at the bar and she doesn't want you kissing her either. To me? That seems like a woman who isn't into you at all.
Could be you are the "stand-by guy" - the guy who can take her out and entertain her and PAY for it when she doesn't have better plans going on. She certainly doesn't seem like she is seeing you as a potential mate/partner.
She might be beautiful but her behavior is rather crude IMHO. She is used to a lot of attention and doesn't have trouble finding men willing to "entertain" her. That is what you get sometimes.
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A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (30 January 2018):
This one will be story after story if you keep seeing her. Back off...you might want to call her once in a while and see if she wants to go out but don't be her excited puppy. And don't take her anywhere expensive or fancy that will have you wondering if she is taking advantage of you.
You lost a certain amount of control when you apologized for trying to kiss her. This is what guys are supposed to do after a few dates. She may already think you're a wuss.
My guess is that she's got another guy who is not in town at the moment or someone she is hoping to go out with. Be cool and don't play this so that you don't make it into her comedy routine.
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A
female
reader, singinbluebird +, writes (30 January 2018):
 Shes not as interested as you or else she would have kissed you by second or third date. Cut her off and say youre not interested. Move on and be open to dating women who stick with plans, desire you, and have positive views on men
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A
female
reader, singinbluebird +, writes (30 January 2018):
Shes just enjoying the attention and probably is dating around as well. She repeatedly cancelled on you and threw you around to fit her schedule. Tbh you should stand up and say you wished she had told you before , before she decided change her mind or fall asleep on the plans you both made. Shes completely rude and her stand up sounds sexist. Women like gentlemen but also a man who have balls. Dont ler her whip you around !
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