A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok... Just be straight... Being paranoid, or boyfriend totally cheating on me??He has a friend contact, saved on his phone as "Wifey S" when questioned, said nothing to worry about, just a female friend.... what are your first thought... background is yes, we've had trust issues efire, mainly being Ive suspected him of cheating before, just cant prove it and need to decide if my suspicions are enough to walk away now, regardless of proof?? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (12 July 2019):
 OP, you haven't lost anything by the guy ending it. He sounds like a loser, Think about it, he isn't trustworthy and he is full of shit.
WISH them well, they will be miserably together. He will probably cheat and she will probably know it and "forgive it".
Don't be so DESPERATE to be with a guy that treats you like crap.
KNOW that you DESERVE better.
Good riddance to a bad apple. Next time, TRUST your instincts. If you think a guy is cheating... the me probably is.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2019): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo.. The worst thing ever.. This time last year,,my now ex boyfriend,,met up with and started a serious relationship with her!! He managed to keep her secret from me until feb of this year!! Instead of breaking up with me, and moving out... he chose to keep hold of both of us. Looking back he wasvbecoming increasingly distant, volatile, verbally abusive and even hints he was seeing someone else! but as desperately in love just couldnt see what was going down!! She was unaware that her lovely new boyf was still very much involved with me!! He managed to persuade her that He was still living with his ex (me) for financial reasons! told her a string of lies which she eventually unravelled and led her to contacting me! rumbled! 8 months he got away.. he was planning a future with her and was weeks away from moving in with her!! i left and shes now taken him back!! they're happy as can be!! whilst Im getting over the most devasting thing to ever happen to me!!! He never had the decency to come clean at all!! no explanations nothing!! acted like we were both crazy!! didnt once admit it or say sorry!! i had to hear it all from the secret/new girlf!! she was initially maf at him but he managed to sweet talk her and now they're living happily evet after!!! dying inside
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2019): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo.. The worst thing ever.. This time last year,,my now ex boyfriend,,met up with and started a serious relationship with her!! He managed to keep her secret from me until feb of this year!! Instead of breaking up with me, and moving out... he chose to keep hold of both of us. Looking back he wasvbecoming increasingly distant, volatile, verbally abusive and even hints he was seeing someone else! but as desperately in love just couldnt see what was going down!! She was unaware that her lovely new boyf was still very much involved with me!! He managed to persuade her that He was still living with his ex (me) for financial reasons! told her a string of lies which she eventually unravelled and led her to contacting me! rumbled! 8 months he got away.. he was planning a future with her and was weeks away from moving in with her!! i left and shes now taken him back!! they're happy as can be!! whilst Im getting over the most devasting thing to ever happen to me!!! He never had the decency to come clean at all!! no explanations nothing!! acted like we were both crazy!! didnt once admit it or say sorry!! i had to hear it all from the secret/new girlf!! she was initially maf at him but he managed to sweet talk her and now they're living happily evet after!!! dying inside
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2018): the best thing to do is ring the number and find out who this female friend is then the problem will be sorted that way
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2018): IMO cheating or not I would not stick around with a guy who gives a woman the nickname "wifey" on a cellphone or in person. Domestic bond, condescending nickname, or sexy reference...in my humble opinion none of these options are very acceptable. Extremely tacky of him to do unless he is actually married and gives that nickname to you. At the very least you will be rid of his poor taste and behaviour.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (30 January 2018):
 First instinct on that alone I'd say not cheating. At least not with her and that if he were to cheat she would be the least likely candidate.Use of the word 'Wifey' suggests he is more focussed on the domestic/mundane, day to day aspects of a wife and not the sensual or romantic. Of his friends and acquaintances she would be the most likely to nag him to see a doctor, or to quit smoking or lose weight. And/or that she is the one who would arrange group gatherings, send out the Christmas cards and be the event organizer for a class re-union. THAT type of person.Not to mention the fact that labelling a mistress as 'wifey' in his contacts list would be as unbelievably dumb as writing on the fridge calendar 'Susan. Delta Hotel. Room 408'.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2018): Wifey S. It could mean so many things. Stop and think of all the things it could mean. Is he foreign, or have foreign roots? Does he speak another language? I ask because the possibilites of what it could mean could be infinite if he did.If you don't trust him, then leave him- as almost everyone on here has said. If he isn't cheating, then your mistrust is wrong and he deserves better.But, you need to look at yourself. What was this previous situation where you 'couldn't prove' he was cheating. Maybe he wasn't actually cheating, heance the lack of proof. But you refused to accept that he wasn't. Your mistrust will always be with you and when you're that way, you will always find reason to mistrust someone- even caused the silliest of things.Do him, then yourself, a favour and end it.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (30 January 2018):
 First instinct is an interesting thing to ask for. My first instinct is he has a severe lack of boundaries.
What I'm really interested in is why you are asking the question this way. For example are you trying to slew the data to your favored answer? Or do you think first instinct is more accurate than full evaluation?
There is not much we can do to fix his obvious problem, because he isn't reading advice here. You on the other hand we can help a bit more than just backing up your decision. There is a lot of good advice about trust here. I also think you should look into your decision making strategy. Make sure you are evaluating evidence well.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2018): I agree that you should end things and be done.
First, it’s not appropriate to have anyone labeled as “wifey” on his phone when he’s with you. On top of that, he knows there are trust issues, and he did that? He’s either cheating or a plain Jerk. That’s enough to end things.
Second... it’s too tiring on you to be in a relationship with someone you can’t trust. End it and start afresh with someone more considerate and trustworthy. You’ll feel so much more at peace.
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A
male
reader, Allumeuse +, writes (30 January 2018):
You could be paranoid. However if you generally have trust issues, and your partner knows it- how stupid is he to name his bit on the side wifey? You should get rid of him for being thick not unfaithful.
On the other hand if your trust issues are yours alone and apart from having a contact in his phone that you find a bit over familiar,what else has he done that you don't like because; having women friends or work colleagues that he talks to is not cheating.
In any case, as the others say- you don't trust him so don't stay with him. However we can't tell whether he's untrustworthy or you are incapable of trust.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (30 January 2018):
 Why would you stay with him if you don't trust him?
Makes absolutely no sense. What's the point in being with someone if you have to act like their prison officer?
Just end it
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2018): This guy is wrecking your nerves. You're in a constant state of suspicion and on high-alert.
So what are you sticking around for? You don't even trust him!
Why are you dating someone who lists another female on his phone as "Wifey S?"
Are you in it for the drama? Seems that's all you're getting.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (30 January 2018):
 If there is no trust in a relationship its like being a house on sand. It will collapse. How much of your life do you want to waste on someone that can't trust? How much time are you going to spend worrying, looking over your shoulder, questioning his every word, his every movement and how much time are you going to spend looking through his phone, emails ect? End it. As honeypie says, life it too short sweets.
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A
male
reader, Roboaxe +, writes (30 January 2018):
 Wifey is extremely suspicious.
And if you already have your doubts about the guy, end it.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 January 2018):
You don't HAVE to have proof to end things. If you NO LONGER trust him, you don't have much of a relationship anyways.
Take away trust, is like taking a wheel of a car. You are not getting far with that. And like dominoes once trust is gone, other things start to erode, such as love, care, respect, honesty, etc. and then you end up with a car without wheels, no engine, no break and no steering wheel.
Now would I presume that naming someone Wifey on their phone means they are cheating? Not automatically. I know people who call a good friend or co-worker wifey/hubby (work-wife/work-husband) etc.
If this is a female friend you have never met, then I would be a tad more inclined to think it could be cheating going on. Though HOW DUMB is this guy to call the "mistress" Wifey on his phone?
Why waste your time on a guy you feel you can't trust at all? Isn't it stressful to stay with someone you think is being disrespectful to you? Isn't it making you unhappy?
I'd say End it! Life is too short to be with someone you just don't trust.
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