A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone,I've been feeling really down and depressed lately as I'm bored during the day and I have nothing to do with my days at all so now I'm worrying about every little thing :(I've been with my boyfriend for a year and three months now and we have a lovely relationship, I'm always so scared of losing him, so scared that I've started worrying about him cheating on me, I do trust him and deep down I know he wouldn't but I keep getting these intrusive thoughts which are horrible.Before my depression/anxiety started I always used to worry a little bit but wouldn't focus on it and just be glad that he's going out and the only thing I'd worry about is if he got home okay after a night out.I trust his friends also as they all respect me and I know they wouldn't even let my boyfriend cheat.What can I do to get rid of these thoughts? :(I feel so guilty for thinking like this as I love,care,trust and respect him so much xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi thanks for responding to me :)He HAS kissed a girl in the past, a drunk kiss but he told me straight after and was crying and begging me to not break up with him, he's earned his trust back by not drinking as much as he used to do and if he does I don't get worried because he's started hanging around with friends that don't cheat and know how to handle their alcohol. He has definitley changed his ways because he knows if he did anything to hurt me again I'd be off straight away.I'm completely over that now as we started fresh when I started college, but I dropped out over a month ago so everything just feels so terrible.I don't want to be an awful girlfriend to him at all, I know I have a problem and I'm sorting that by sorting out a job. xxx
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (22 March 2011):
Hi there. Are you still going to school? If you are, well that's a few hours that your mind is off him.
My suggestion is to trust him unless he has given you any reason not to.
It seems that he hasn't, so why start worrying now? There is no cause.
This could also be a self-esteem issue on your part. Perhaps at some level you don't feel as though you are good enough for him. That isn't true.
It sounds like you are bored more than anything. Boredom can certainly lead to feeling down, for sure. It can also lead to negative, irrational thoughts.
What you would be much better off doing, is to start some hobbies and interests. Activities that are fun and that bring you joy.
The more interesting you can make your life, the less time you will have to be having negative thoughts about your boyfriend.
What you are feeling serves no real purpose.
Boredom is a lack of something fun to do.
If you don't change the way you think, it could eventually cause him to break it off with you altogether. I'm quite sure that you don't want that.
Have confidence in your self-worth, and trust him completely. You will feel much better.
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