A
female
age
30-35,
*ristina kumar
writes:Hi, I know I'm gonna look like the bad person in this situation but I really could do with your guys advice, okay so I've worked with this guy for 2 and a half years we've. Been REALLY good friends since we started working together there was always A LOT chemistry between us, I really liked him but never could come round to tell him how I felt, anyway the bad part of the story is he has a girlfriend been with her for 7 years he's her first for everything whereas me I'm 19 and had a few relationships before, he says he loves me I believed every word at first he used to tell me all the time how he felt and how much he loved me but now I feel like I'm being taken for granted and been maken a fool out of by him! I don't know if he wants me for sex or if It is love I love him more than anything in world and I'd wait forever just to be with him! Were on a break now because apparently he can't handle the thoughts of what I'm doing when were not together and if I do mean when I say "I love u" I'm really confused, anyone know what he wants/ thinking in his head?? I don't know what to do I know I'm uspetting myself being with someone who has a girl but he's the love of my life and I can't leave him!!! He used to say your gonna have my baby so u can't ever leave me now when I talk about having a baby he says in 2years time I'm not ready for that, I know my doubts are correct but someone tell me if u think I'm a fool and should leave because I can't take it nomore!!!
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (24 March 2011):
Hello again. I think that's a really wise choice, even as much as you do like him.
Sometimes being available all the time for a man, can give him too many choices - especially as he's in a relationship right now with someone else - and in which case, he can't decide.
He kind of wants his cake and eat it too. He can't have both - and don't let him!
You honestly DO deserve much better than this, that's for sure.
He will respect you for doing this, even if he is a little disappointed. The good part about you moving on, is that it shows him that you refuse to be taken for granted, and will accept only the best treatment from everyone, and that you will accept nothing less.
Don't ever let a man take you for granted, mistreat you or disrespect you. This man is actually doing all three.
Do what you feel is right, and let your heart be your guide - then you can't go wrong.
All the very best in future, take care.
A
female
reader, kristina kumar +, writes (22 March 2011):
kristina kumar is verified as being by the original poster of the question Yes we in a sexual relationship to in which makes it more harder for me to understand of corse he could be having sex with both of us! I'm starting to realise now and today I have let go I'm no longer letting him fool me! So thank u so much girlys for your help I really appreciate it! Time for me to move on xxxxx
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (22 March 2011):
Hi there. Although you like him and are really good friends, you haven't actually said if you are sexual partners at the moment.
Are you? Or, are you liking each other from a distance and only talked about how you feel?
Unfortunately, talk is cheap. Because most of the time it's not necessary to back it up with any sincerity. Well not at least until things become a bit more serious, such as in a regular relationship.
He probably does have at least some feelings for you, but he might be telling you he loves you just to keep you in tow, in case it doesn't work out with his present girlfriend. Men do that sometimes. It's like a backup for him - just in case. The more sincere he sounds, the more likely it is that you will stick around hovering in the background waiting for something to happen, so you might have a chance with him in future.
The sad part is, that might never happen. The only thing you are really doing is putting your whole life on hold while he makes up his mind who he really wants. You are also missing out on chances of happiness with some other nice young men who ARE free and available.
It's a gamble.
Do you just want to be a reserve player? Waiting on the sidelines for that relationship to collapse so you can go on the playing field and have a turn? That's hardly fair to you.
Surely you deserve better than that.
You are setting yourself up for a lot a disappointment and heartbreak - probably sooner rather than later.
Worst case scenario, you could wait and wait and wait, then one day he and her go off and get married! And what a big waste of time that would have been for you, waiting all those years - and then nothing.
As much as you like him, you really need to get out and about with your own life and enjoy yourself and have fun.
Another thing you may not have thought of is, you being available for him all the time, can make you look needy and desperate. Confidence and independence are two far more attractive traits for a woman to have. Also having a life of your own, and knowing who you are and what you want out of life.
Don't be too available to him.
If you are in fact going out together in some form at the moment, well my suggestion is don't be so available to him. Say "NO" sometimes. It makes you somewhat of a challenge, and in turn makes his life a whole lot more interesting as a result. It also causes him to not know exactly where he stands with you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2011): I'm going to give you a shake to wake you up. This guy is a jerk he is in a long relationship and things are probably boring at the minute at home. Don't be fooled into believing his lies. His securities are at home with his girl. He probably tells his gf what he tells you and she is none the wiser. I know its hard but put yourself in her shoes for a min. This guy is no good. He doesn't give you anything substantially like prove to you how much he loves you. End things now he doesn't mean what he says and is testing the water to see how far he can venture out before his girlfriend finds out. If someone were to tell his gf that he had been seeing you what do you think his initial reaction would be probably to deny it. Please honey finds someone who appreciates you and who wants to bring you happiness . This is coming from someone who knows, I was in same situation and had a baby to this same kind of man.
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