A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:how can you just leave some one when youre so lonely and sad all the time and have nothing going for your self ??????????how can you pick up your heart and leave if in the relationship you were put so down low that you hate your self and dont care how he treats you any more and your so scared of him even without reasonshow do you walk away and not come back???????what words do you use to leave a man that really uses you for what he wants and takes you for granted ???????????please help me this relationship takes so much from me but i cant seem to leave him as i feel he has controll over meIM SCARED PLEASE HELP MY LIFE IS A MESS AND MY MAN DOESNT LOVE BUT USES ME Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ears4tears  +, writes (15 September 2007):
 I know all to well how your feeling honey, and my heart is with you, i was in an abusive relationship for 4 years to which i was beaten, cheated on and on one occasion raped. Unfortunately there is no easy answer, its hard to be strong when you feel so weak, but your the only one that can make the change and give yourself a better life.
You need to pick yourself up hun before this pointless waste of a man destroys you for good. I hit a point in my relationship where somethink snapped and from no where i got this over whelming sense of strenght, i decided i was better than the person hed made me and i wanted more from my life.
You have that strenght in you too, you just need to believe in yourself!!!
Mail me anytime for a friendly chat!!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2007): Honey, the only control he has over you is the control you let him have. I have been in your situtaion and the hardest part is the first step...gettin out of the relationship. YOU MUST though. You will SOON find out that when you get things goin for yourself and feel better about yourself ( which is what you need to focus on) then you will probably meet someone new and worth your time. there are millions of people out there. --the only thing you need to do ( and it is hard) is make an effort to change your life.. and it will change.* God bless you*
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A
female
reader, leanne.od +, writes (15 September 2007):
 the only advice i can give you is stop this before something serious happens. this guy doesn't respect you or deserve your love. it's hard to leave all the familiaraties behind and move on but unless you do, you won't be happy. you don't deserve to be treated like a mug, get out, please!
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A
male
reader, dont_play_nice_ +, writes (15 September 2007):
Hi. I'm sorry to hear about your situation. It could be that your guy has some emotional issues he needs sorting; does he have low self esteem? Was his father bad to his mother, and is this why he thinks his behaviour towards women is acceptable? If you know this is the case - speak to him about it and offer to work through it together. If he is just using you because he can then I'd get out. Firstly, you must keep in mind that you as a human are worth respect, just as everyone else is. Why is it you feel you have nothing going for you? Do you have any friends you can turn to/family members to help you out? Sometimes all we need to do is take a deep breath and open up to someone. Let them know what you've let us know - you feel controlled. If you feel you don't have much of a social life - maybe try looking at local clubs in your community? Things such as tennis or support work to help others in need. This will regularly surround you with people who all have the same goal and this is where friendships can blossom. If you're feeling stuck in a rut, you could try starting a night course in order to attain a better job? Make a list of all the things you want from your life and plan out the ways you are going to get them. If you are set on leaving him; explain the situation, tell him you feel like a doormat and he is chipping away at your confidence, tell him you're sorry for how things have worked out and wish him luck. Then leave. If he tries to talk you round then your decision to stay or go is upto you - but a leopard can rarely change its spots, for the long term especially. He will probably go back to his old ways once he feels he has done enough wooing to keep you. I wish you luck, and feel free to mail me if you need more help!
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