A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone,well i have been dating this guy for more than a year now. after 6 months in the relationship i found out he was married to which he said 'he was not with the wife anymore, he goes home just for the kids', I left him, he came begging and i took him back after 2 days. I know its wrong being with him, We work together he is my boss. Every time we fight we don't talk i can't come to work. Cause he would just play dumb on me. i feel so uncomfortable i have to go home. I am madly in love with him, I love him more than anything. he is twice my age. He is so caring and he is the only person i have near. I love him so much and i haven't stopped loving him. But the thing he goes on facebook or some dating site looking for women he can chat with, i read the mesages he sends to them: saying how beautiful they look and blablabla. I was so heart broken. Every time I am not here he goes on these site messing about and every time he denies it. Last friday i confronted him and he said he didnt go there, he didnt do that. He got so upset he started to shout and kick me really hard in my feet, and nearly punch me. I just walked out, i went home crying. My voice didnt come out to ask him what he is doing this. I felt so degraded. I stayed away from him and didnt call him at all whole weekend. I switched off my phones, yesterday afternoon i switch it back on, there was not even a text or a voicemail from him. I stayed in my room whole weekend, cried myself to sleep. then i rung him and I ask him if i could see him and he replied 'of course cause am no stranger to him'. He came to me and i hold him so tight and he kissed me and everything was back to normal. he apologised for kicking me and all and he said he won't go on these website again.Every day we spend the whole day at work together and the whole evening until 11pm or midnight then he goes home. See him next morning at work again. it's as if he became the most important thing in my life.I miss him so much when i am away from him, I react like a 16 year old and this is really bad for me. I feel sick when we're not talking, i dont eat and react so weirdly. Do i need professional help? I wish i could walk away from him, i dont want to lose my job either. I tried so hard last weekned to leave him and can't. I tried so hard many times but either he comes back to me and i take him or i go back to him. All this is making me crazy. I love him so much but i want to react like and adult and do the right him. I really don't know what to do.I can see my mum in me. My dad used to hit her and she would always go back to him and do everything he needs, I lost my dad when i was 11, years ago. I was very close to him although i know he had his bad bits, I loved my dad so much. I miss him every day of my life, i wish he was here to see how big i am now. Is that why i don't wanna let go of the guy I am in love with. Help please thanks.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2009): Really trying hard and all of that is doing my head, i usually ask myself if it's worth living a life like this. As from today i gonna start looking for another job.and yea i really gonna walk away. I really had enough of all that. Thanks for your advice.
A
female
reader, Carrot2000  +, writes (7 December 2009):
 You describe him as caring, yet he is physically abusive and emotionally manipulative. If someone loves you it should FEEL like they love you, and this man does not love you. Although it may hurt to end your relationship, it will hurt you more in the long-term if you stay with him. He is married and cheating on his wife AND his girlfriend; he is not a decent person and there is no reason on earth why you should accept this behavior.
Leaving your job is a first step in getting this out of your system, but I highly suggest you seek professional. I think part of why you are so drawn to this man is because he reminds you of your father; please talk to a therapist so you don't find yourself in this situation again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2009): One day, you are going to become more trouble than you are worth to him and he is going to dump you. I understand you are in love with him, but he does not feel the same way about you at all. Start quietly sending your resumé out and find another job. You deserve better, but unfortunately you may only discover the truth in our words when you have wasted another year of your life on this loser. My exhusband had a girlfriend about your age and despite me punching her, I did really feel sorry for her later because she was so in love with him and she burst into tears when he said to her in her face with me there "you are just a little whore and I was using you. Goodbye. I choose my wife." Sad, but this is where you are headed if you decide to carry on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2009): You are not "big" now. And yes you are acting like a 16-year old because it's not so long since you were 16. Really. Look at your own situation. This man is no good for you at all and you are degrading yourself. Would you really want your beloved father to see how you treat yourself and let this cheater of a man treat you? Your situation is by all means not unique. It's been told over and over, these men are the same type. Stay with the wife "only for the kids". Have multiple lovers. And actually, many times they are the boss and the girl the employee. Which makes this sexual harassment at the workplace. Does he have a superior boss? Then come clean to his superior so that you don't have to deal with this man while you're at work any more.
He's got you manipulated and brain washed, taking advantage of your young age and naivety and also the fact that he's your boss. That's why you find it hard to leave. But you have to stop this because it will never get better. You can only get better once he is out of your life and you never turn yourself into "the other woman" again. These men don't leave their wives, these men are cheaters, and they never commit to one person. They stay with the wife and still mess around with other women.
You are young and have your whole life ahead of you! Don't live your life for this man, live your life for YOU.
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A
male
reader, greg290352 +, writes (7 December 2009):
 You know what you have to do I suspect. You must leave and get another job. I know that is very hard at the moment but, if you want to get your life sorted out, there is no alternative. Work affairs are usually trouble. Your boss is exploiting your weakness for older dominant men. You deserve much better. Personally I would be tempted to resign and then bring a case for Constructive Dismissal as he has the main responsibility for what happened and his employers ought to be made aware of the type of guy they employ.
Good luck :-)
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (7 December 2009):
This has everything to do with your low esteem. I think you fear not being good for someone, so you settle for second best. Ask yourself a question. Do you want to be a lonely mistress for the rest of your life, or would you rather be the most important woman in another man's life? End it, and consider moving jobs. He's only using you for sex, he doesn't love you or anything like that. You can either be a nobody to a married man, or a somebody to another who really cares for you.Your choice.
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