A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm 39, beautiful and never have had a boyfriend. I had a very special relationship for 7 years with a man who was the most amazing man when we would spend time together. When we weren't together, he was being the most amazing man to another. Then it ended horrifically and since then he's been with her. It's been over a year since we have spoken and there's been no contact. He said horrible things to me and of me to others and to her. All things untrue and things I still cant get out of my head. He told me I'd always be alone and he never needed my friendship. I've never had a boyfriend and he was the closest I ever had to it. I loved him more than any man or any person. I feel so traumatized. I don't know how to let it go. I pray for strength every morning and every night. But I feel more hurt as time goes by. Please help. How do I recover? Men ask me out, but I'm certain they will leave me for another. To have the friendship and love I gave disregarded in the blink of an eye has broken me:(
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2013): I am sorry you were hurt. A relationship for 7 years is really a very long time. What happened? why is he mad at you? why did you break up with him? You don't say much but how can an amazing relationship turn into a fight? how come he's going around saying horrible things about you? Is it because he cheated and went after the other girl? and he got mad when you confronted him? Well at this point it does not really matter what happened. Now you need to look after yourself and try to recover and move on. First try to keep yourself busy, spend time with family and friends, go out with friends, socialize. Join classes and try to make new friends. Maybe you will meet someone. There are a lot of meet up groups, join one of those. How far is the nearest town to you? I hope you will meet someone who will treat you right with love and care. Is it possible that this guy is mad at you because you maybe unintentionally pushed him away? were you scared of being hurt? You sound very loving. I wish you all the best and good luck :-))
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (16 June 2013):
 Not exactly the same situation, but yes I have had trauma twice in my life. I was married for many year (over 20) when I found out my husband was leading a double life and following divorce I met another man whom I lived with who, I found out was a serial cheat and had amassed huge debts.
I stayed single for a few years but am currently having dates with a new guy who is a little younger than me, which is nice but I still find my single life more appealing as I have a very busy life and enjoy my own space.
Maybe it is slim pickings where you live and perhaps that is why this guy has more or less used you. Why did he label you a psycho?, that seems a very abnormal thing to do.
I think you have had a lucky escape to be honest and you have to question why you would still hanker after someone who has treated you so badly?
Give yourself some time to recover and rebuild. Take good care of yourself, eat well and take exercise, if you dont already.
If you cannot afford some therapy, maybe some self help books or relaxation tapes can help you. There are some very good ones at reasonable prices on ebay or amazon.
There is only one person who can get you out of this...and that is you. It is hard and it feels as if it will last forever...but take it from me, things will get better.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI left quietly. Its not unusual for him to be cruel and cold. He was verbally cruel to me for days thru texting & by calling. He has a very bad temper. I was so shocked. He has always gotten everything he wanted. Single child with millions in his pocket. We live in a small town, everyone knows everyone and he pretty much put a label on me that I was psycho and made up many horrible things of me. I don't have the money to pay to talk to anyone about it. We were intimate for many years. At times I wasn't ready to commit & the same with him but towards the end it was feeling like it was going somewhere permanent. I was led to believe that we would be together. I suppose I've tried to block & tried to forget, but it's damaged me more. And to be honest, there aren't really that many great guys around where I live. If they're married, they cheat and if they're single, they have multiple partners. I just can't handle anymore heartache. To have a best friend & lover toss you in the trash is hard to overcome. Have you ever had a traumatic thing like this happen to you?
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (16 June 2013):
I am a little confused by your post OP. This man you were involved with wasn't a boyfriend, so I wonder if you were intimate and sexual with him?
He was obviously between two women and when he made his choice, he was cold and cruel towards you. It's quite unusual for most men to be so cruel unless they are provoked, so did you cling on when he tried to end things...or did you just go quietly?...I just wondered!
All things considered, it is obvious that this was not the right relationship for you and you have let it's effect strike right at your heart and now bear deep and unyeilding pain with which you are punishing yourself!!
It might help you to have some speaking therapy to try to dislodge your cast iron opinion about men and relationships as you are doing yourself harm by using this one experience to shape your future when really you have nothing to compare it to.
Dating is fun, but it's easily ruined by carrying too much baggage from the past. As much as we'd like people to understand us, many don't want to hear all the woes and traumas so early in a relationship, so you have to do a fair bit of selecting as to what you think is appropriate to reveal.(this goes for both men and women)
Not all men are the same, there are some really good guys out there who are looking for long term relationships and they want to take time getting to know someone...but they can be easily put off if you judge them based on previous experiences and don't give them a chance...and that WILL make them leave!
Try to relax, you had a shitty time, but so have most people in their life time. You have to identify what is not healthy. If it were rotten food, you would not eat it because it will make you sick...a bad relationship will also make you sick...so you need to eradicate it from your mind and try to move on!!
You still have a good few years ahead of you to find someone special. I wish I had so many years!!
Let the hurt go with the man...it's in the past and you can never go back. Every day spent lamenting it, is a day less you have to move foward to a happier future and if you spend forever looking back...how can you see who's coming your way?
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A
female
reader, myboyfriendsacnt +, writes (16 June 2013):
Hi, sorry to hear your so down about this but it sounds like you may need to take a step back & think about a few things. You are speaking of this man as though he was your boyfriend, yet you state you have never had a boyfriend.. This was a friendship & nothing more. You say he was with " another " - do you mean his girlfriend??
If so then I'm afraid the relationship you had with him was very naive and one sided. No doubt he cared for you as a friend but I think perhaps your affections for him must have driven him away & I must say he did the right thing.
I'm not quite sure as to why he said hurtful things such as " you will never have a boyfriend" - was this the result of you becoming needy & trying to break up his current relationship?! If not then please explain more...
Overall i really think you throw that chapter away & start dating properly.. Date someone that has no other interests and make it clear from the beginning that it is a romantic relationship you want and not a friendship.
Good luck to you
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