A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating my girlfriend for just over 6 months. This is my first relationship and basically I had no experience prior. In the first few weeks I felt like I was in love, but I thought that it was probably an infatuation and because she's my first, so I held back. But two months into the relationship, she told me that she loved me; I didn't say it back right away but I did soon enough because of the awkwardness and because I thought that I probably did because I really liked her.Fast forward to this day, I know that my girlfriend really loves me, and I think she's an amazing person who I admire alot and enjoy her company, but I don't feel like I'm head over heals in love with her. Recently I told her that I wasn't sure of my feelings towards her, but after the mess that somehow got undone and we are again supposed to be in love with each other (but basically she made things difficult until I said I loved her again). I guess I shouldn't have bent like that twice, but she can be insecure about the relationship so I end up doing it to make things easier for myself. Anyway I don't intend on flopping like that a third time with her.Now part of me feels like this is not a big deal since we both enjoy each other's company and I like having her in my life. But I feel guilty because she's expecting this to be a long term serious thing and she's emotionally vested, and I would like to have something where I can think that as well, but I just can't with all the doubt that I have, and basically I wouldn't bet on our relationship going too far. Also, there are obstacles in our way mainly because of our two different cultures and families, and I wouldn't bother trying to overcome them if I wasn't crazy about the girl.I think the fact that I'm asking probably means that I don't really love her. But disregarding my situation, what would you say love feels like to you? Because my idea of it comes largely from TV/movies and I guess that's probably not realistic. Also, there are things about her that I don't really like, which I realize is normal between any partners, but I wonder how you guys feel about your pet-peeves or annoyances towards your partner's behavior? Note that I'm a guy so that probably make things a little different.Also, any advice you have for me would be welcome. I haven't really shared much of my dislikes with my gf because I don't want to force her to change or make her insecure about herself, especially when they are turn-offs to me but there's nothing seriously wrong with them.Thanks.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (17 June 2013):
 "Love" is not (just) a verbal exchange. Heck, you can get two voice-activated tape recorders to tell each other "I love you..."
REAL love goes real deep... it transcends your senses... the sight, sound, smell, taste, feel of your love are obvious.... but the REAL love penetrates in to your bones and muscles.... It makes you smile not only when you see "her"... but, when you are miles apart and you even THINK about her.... or hear "your song".. or see one of her favorite flowers....
It causes your heart to race, your blood pressure to increase and your sweat glands to pour... not to mention what it does to your genitals....
People can say "I love you" all they want... often, in any language, any place, at any volume.... but they will have found - and experienced - "love" when they can't WAIT to be side-by-sde with that special someone... because that is where they (both) belong!!!!
Good luck...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk thanks for the responses. I don't want her to be living a lie, so it makes sense to either break up if I don't see things changing or to at least communicate how I feel at the moment.
Now since I guess I've never been in love, my question for those of you who have is, how did you know that you were in love with someone? I would like to think that I would know when it is really there, but I guess between the feelings of infatuation in 'honeymoon' period and fluctuation of feelings during a relationship, I'm finding it a little confusing.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (16 June 2013):
 First of all, saying "I love you" at the 2 month mark is rushing things. Love and infatuation are two different things, and you probably felt pressured to return the words she was so eager to tell you. Many couples are only now at the 6 month mark bringing up the subject of love, so you're actually in line with knowing whether or not your relationship is love.
Let me simplify things. You're not in love with her, and I'm not sure you will be. If you know this, and you stay with her and continue to TELL her that you love her, then you are leading her on for your own reasons. If you don't love her, best to break up with her so that both of you cna find someone you DO love.
Here's why: Fast forward a year -- you still don't love her, as you've said, you're not interested in overcoming family and cultural obstacles, and while you're with her, you cannot be growing a relationship with someone you DO love, and neither can she.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2013): I am going thru exactly the same thing!my partner told me he loves me,I dint say it right away but I later did cuz of the awkwardness and I know he wanted to hear it,I know that if I said those 3 words he would be happy and I would do anything to bring that smile on his face and I said it!!but I'm wrong when he tells me he loves me and I can't bring myself to tell him 'I love him too' hence I told him the truth that I have strong feelings for him but the love bit I said it just to keep him happy!he was broken,he was hurt but he handled it maturely!he even apologised and told me may be he put me in the spot,put me under pressure and he will never do it again! So I'm never going to say those words till I mean it,ever again! So do you,take your time don't tell that to her again if you don't mean it!
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