A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with boyfriend last night. I don't think he took it seriously though. I have been thinking about breaking up for awhile, but I was afraid or scared and when I knew in my heart we are not meant for each other I would think about the good times and then go back and put the thought of breaking up into the back of my mind. It was always there though, nagging me. I often think about being single and I have no energy for the relationship anymore because I can not see a future with it. I am worried, I want things to be ok. I swinging back and forth with, what ifs and if only.....regrets but I know it was the right choice. He doesn't realize that I was serious and I am worried about the blow. Has anyone got advice about breakups? this is my first and I am scared and sad.
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female
reader, Campari Milano +, writes (6 March 2017):
When you say you want 'things to be OK', what do you mean?when a relationship breaks up, it is so very rarely OK. I'm sorry but it's true. Especially if one of the parties doesn't want it!Unfortunately, it's just a part of life. You may have been trying to avoid it, but it's clearly what you want, which means it's right for you. Maybe one day you can be friends, but don't expect that immediately. You have to allow your partner the time to grieve for the relationship. You have made a bold decision, but it doesn't just affect you.And remember: You cannot be the person to help him through this. However much it may hurt you to see him in pain, you have to keep your distance for a while. It's only fair.Break-ups are always totally w**k, but as the instigator, you owe it to him and to yourself to make a clean break.goodluck xxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2017): Break ups are hard, don't get me wrong but you'll get over this - with time. There are a few things that from past experiences worked with me and my friends who came out of breakups upset.You need to try and keep your distance from your ex. Even if you and your ex have decided to stay friends, break away completely from each other right after the breakup. This means not seeing each other, not being around his/her family members, no phone calls, no e-mails ect.You also might find it easier on you if you remove anything that reminds you of your ex. There are all kinds of things that remind you of your ex––a song, a smell, a sound, a place. Having these items around can make it harder for you to recover from a breakup. Remove all of the things that make your heart ache or your stomach turn. It can work wonders to clear your space of all these triggers.Another good plan is to make plans, go out with your friends, and have fun! It might seem awkward at first, but it will get easier and it will help you to feel better. Getting out and doing things is also important because you need to grow and maintain your social network after a breakup. Doing so will help you to move on with your life.After a breakup, it is normal to feel sad, angry, frightened, and other emotions as well. You might be worried that you will end up alone or that you won’t be happy again. Just remind yourself that it is normal to feel this way after a breakup and that you need to feel these emotions in order to move on.The end of a relationship can leave a big hole in your heart, which may require a significant grieving period. Make sure that you give yourself permission to grieve this loss and experience the pain that it causes. Finally, surrounding yourself with loved ones will help as they will give you a shoulder to cry on.
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