A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have a question and would appreciate your help. I'm not an American and dating an American guy for the first time, we both are professionals in our early 40s. It has been a month and it's going amazing. We are going to take our first getaway short trip for 2 nights. Just I don't know about dating rules here. I always offer to pay and has been paying for drinks, lunches and coffee but he always pays for dinners even though I insist he hasn't let me. So for this trip he booked a hotel and I asked him how he wants me to cover for it. He said it's ok he can pay for the whole thing or if I want I can pay for other expenses like meals and etc. Then he said I love how liberal you are. I searched that later and saw lots of comments about how some guys hates dating a liberal woman. I don't want to be a turn off for him and just following the rules here and don't mind paying when I'm with a guy and don't see a reason why not. If I was dating a guy from my country his ego would be bruised if I even offer to pay for anything, they always pay for everything. I earn money and don't like to be dependent on a guy but at the same time I like the guy to be in charge.So here I am asking what do you guys think?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 March 2017):
 I think women now have equal rights to men and therefore should pay half as well, I mean if you are both earning a wage then I feel that is only fair.
A
female
reader, Campari Milano  +, writes (6 March 2017):
You definitely are over-thinking this.
You are offering to pay your share. You are working it out between you. Liberal is a good thing. Most decent men want to treat their dates, but they love it when women offer to pay, half or all the bill.
The fact to focus on is that you are discussing it!!!!
Communication is everything. Who pays for what doesn't really matter in the end; but the conversation that leads to you both being happy and comfortable with the situation is essential. It's all part of getting to know each other, and finding out what kind of people you are.
have fun xxx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2017): I would say 'don't overthink it' but it's not as easy as that. Some men's ego's are easily bruised. And, I say this as a man, some women believe men should pay (not in a selfish way), some think they should share. Some women can actually be offended by a man who insists on paying- it's tough for us to know what to do sometimes, especially in the early stages of a relationship!It's good though that you are able to talk about it, and that he seems to be happy to pay and happy to allow you to pay. I think that as you've already asked about the holiday, don't ask too many more questions of who's paying- go on the holiday, enjoy your time together. Maybe when you get back, you could have a discussion and ask his views. It sounds like you've got it sorted anyway, so don't let it bother you.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (4 March 2017):
 I think, as you both presumably earn good money, sharing expenses is not unreasonable. He seems to cover the majority of costs, allowing you to cover the lesser costs, which I assume you are also happy with.
Enjoy. Have a good trip and don't over-think the situation.
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