A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:There's probably not much anyone can say to this so its probably more like a rant..Me and my bf of 4 years have just broken up. We both knew it was coming to an end, and I snapped and it was me who said it was over and he agreed. We had become more like friends, things were becoming routine and I just knew his feelings towards me were changing and without realising it himself he started to show it. We were both really upset, we cried a lot, we said it was for the best, which is probably true.My only problem is I've never ever felt hurt like this before. It was me who brought about this breakup and its been a matter of days and I'm caving in already. I just still love him so much with all my heart and he's been completely honest with me about his feelings. He said we should see how we feel after a few weeks apart, but I know deep down that this really is the end and I can't come to terms with it. 4 years is a long time to be with someone, and neither of us know any different. He's so much more determined than me that this is really over, and I'm pouring my heart out to him and he doesn't do it back because I'm sure anything in his heart has gone.We parted on good terms and are still friends, but I feel like this is worse because I can't hate him. He's still around. And we still speak but it cuts so deep when we talk because I feel like I'm putting on a charade. How can I just be normal with him? He's been the love of my life since I was 16 years old and now he's no longer mine.I know anyone reading this will probably think "its for the best" or "its still raw, it'll take time" but even in these 5 days I just want it to be over now. I feel so alone and I don't want to talk to anyone but him, or hug anyone but him and I can't. This physically hurts, my insides feel empty. And this empty pit is getting bigger everyday that I know he's spending apart from me because every day its a day closer to when he starts to enjoy life without me.This is heartbreak at its worst. If anyone has any similar stories on how they coped please tell.. I'm going insane. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (6 January 2011):
 Hi Hunny
First your not going insane ok, Ive been right were you are now broke it off after a 5yr relationship. How you describe it is just the same. My huge mistake was not giving myself healing space, He still wanted to talk via m.s.n everyday and as your b/f he was showing no feeling and I still had feelings very deep ones, Even though I new it wouldnt work deep down..He was even giving me advise to go and meet other men. So this said to me its over for him and my heart was more broken at the fact that he seemed to have moved on within a few days/weeks.
I was so unhappy for months and after awhile an old friend got intouch and helped by getting me out of the house and away from the computer and although I still had contact with my ex it slowly started to get better for me..
Then would you believe as soon as our conversations became less and it appeared id started to get on with my life whooooosh!!!!!! My ex wanted to meet up, By this time Id found a happy medium in my life and had just started seeing someone, I went to meet him and I was happy, bubbly and he was most def not....He wanted me back as he missed our friendship..This threw me into a really bad situation, Yes we had had a 5yr relationship and yes I still cared for him, But did I want to go through all that pain again when he had not shown his feelings when it was most important before Id put my big toe in the water and started dating again..
I went back and things went back to normal and I hated every minute of it, I went through that pain twice....
My advise to you is not to keep in such close contact give it some space allow him to do his own thing and you heal and do yours, Dont contact him for awhile as painful as that may be leave it, If you two work things out after awhile great if he doesnt seem to bother then you no deep down you did the right thing hunny. I'll send you a link to help you...
http://helpguide.org/mental/coping_divorce_relationship_breakup.htm
Hope this helps a little take care with love Mandy xxxxx
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