A
male
age
41-50,
*arrybaggs
writes:I have developed a crush on a coworker. She is 22 and I'm 27.She has worked there for around 3 years, myself for 5.We hardly ever spoke because our paths at work hardly ever crossed and because she seemed to look away or not appear interested if I ever tried to talk to her.Anyway due to a fellow co-worker I ended up getting to talk to her, and now we're a little more friendly. I've noticed she gently teases me about never approaching her to talk to her in the previous years. She also keeps mentioning silly things I've said before or how I'm much more extroverted whenever there is a work night out. Also, in work now and then she goes out of her way to come over to my office, usually over nothing special or work-related.The only problem is she's back with her ex- a guy who dumped her after cheating on her. I'm really down about this because I hoped she might be single. But this ex seems to have worked whatever hold he has over her and now she's back with him?So what do I do? Is it wrong to think about get when she's spoken for? Given how badly this guy treated her, is it likely this relationship might fail? Girls, why do you go back with cheating exes? I've proved to her I'm kind, a good listener, gentle and polite. Will this in any way help in making her see me in a different light?Thanks
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (6 January 2011):
 Well, have you ever told her how you feel about her??
There are a lot of things at play when a girl goes back to a guy who treats her badly. There isn't simply one reason, but I'll try to list some.
1. She can't bear the rejection, so she'll stay with him in order to not feel it by leaving.
2. It's comfortable and what she knows versus the unknown.
3. She may think that she's not worthy to have anyone else.
4. She's terrified of being alone.
5. She is gullible and listens too quickly to the promises of "I'll never do it again!"
6. She can't get him out of her mind. Sometimes, no matter how bad someone treats someone, their presence is like drugs which are hard to detox from.
7. In a weird way, she loves the drama of fights, tears, make-up sex, screaming, love triangles, and the like.
She is not married, and you're very astute by saying that the ex has a hold on her. You should give her a chance to let her know how you feel about her. Based on what she's said to you, it sounds like she's been wishing for that in the first place!
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